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Best & Worst of ’10: RYAN DALEY’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

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My ‘Worst of the Year’ list gets harder to put together each year, if only because I try to actively avoid shit I know I probably won’t like. I’ve skipped the last five Saw sequels, refused to subject myself to either of Rob Zombie’s Halloween bastardizations, and I’ve never seen a Twilight movie. What’s the point? I figure life is so short, and there are so many decent horror movies out there, why waste 90 precious minutes on a guaranteed bust like Paranormal Activity 2? But even when employing a heavy-duty entertainment filter, some shit will invariably seep through the cracks. There’s no way that I can possibly ‘unsee’ the following five films from 2010-like lingering memories of the Vietnam War, their cinematic ineptitude will forever take up space in my subconscious-but perhaps my pain and anguish can serve as a warning for any fatally curious horror fans out there.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst)
BC (Best/Worst) | Micah (Best/Worst) | Keenan (Best/Worst) | Theo (Best/Worst)
Best One Sheets | Worst One Sheets
Most Memorable Moments | Top Trailers | Memorable Quotes

RYAN DALEY’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2010

5. Splice (June 4; Dark Castle)


One of the more polarizing films of 2010. Some praised the sheer originality of Vincenzo Natali’s genetic horror flick, while others complained about its rampant idiocy. Let’s recap: two genetic engineers create a DNA mutant monster, complete with stinger. Sarah Polley dresses it in doll clothes and raises it as a daughter. Adrien Brody plays step-dad until it grows into a creature that’s somewhat feminine and then fucks it. The creature finally gets its revenge by stinger-raping Polley. Yeah, I’m not making any of this up.

4. Dark Waters of Echo’s Pond (April 9; Parallel Media)


A movie so bad, for awhile it plays like an inside joke-at the audience’s expense. A handful of B-movie has-beens gather in a cabin to play a super-gay board game and get on each other’s nerves. Like watching home movies of somebody else’s contentious family reunion. You can’t get it out of your DVD player fast enough.

3. The Brazen Bull (November 9; Virgil Films & Entertainment)


Michael Madsen pulled himself away from his beer-filled mini-fridge just long enough to anchor this abysmal attempt at torture-porn. Three bickering characters screech their way through the first hour, leaving Madsen free to sleepwalk through tons of awkward exposition during the ‘climax’. And Jennifer Tisdale (Dark Ride) does her very best to annoy the living fuck out of you.

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street (April 30; Warner Brothers)


Apparently today’s teens can’t stay awake for shit. Seriously, these kids would sleep through a nuclear attack. They should rename this movie The Elm Street Narcoleptics. And is it true that Jackie Earl Hailey played Freddy? Really? His visage was buried under so much sloppy make-up, the role could have been played by Gary Coleman for all I could tell. A complete insult to fans of the franchise.

1. The Violent Kind (San Francisco Independent Cinema)


How this piece of shit made it into the 2010 Sundance Film Festival is anybody’s best guess. The Butcher Brothers’ clusterfuck of a movie is alternately irritating, confusing, boring, stupid, and exhausting. Nerds dressed as bikers awaken an alien rockabilly gang from the 1950s who turn them into face-eating zombies-or something. Trust me, it’s a mess. As of today, The Violent Kind has yet to receive a distribution deal. Which means that possibly-hopefully-this paragraph will be the last you ever hear of the Brothers’ epic Sundance fail.

Dishonorable Mentions

Night of the Living Heads, Bikini Bloodbath Christmas, Don’t Look Up, Ferozz: Wild Riding Hood

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Editorials

Meet the Actors Who Brought the ‘Backrooms’ Still Life Monsters to Life [SPOILERS]

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Renate Reinsve in 'Backrooms' - Horror ARGs

Judging from the unprecedented box office success of Kane Parsons’ Backrooms adaptation, you’ve likely already seen the liminal horror hit that managed to make audiences afraid of empty hallways and bad wallpaper. And now that so many of us have already entered the yellow labyrinth (some of us more than once), the time has come to discuss the spoiler-filled details that make the movie so fascinating in the first place.

And if there’s one element here that makes the Backrooms movie stand out from any previous lore/mythology, it has to be the genius addition of the Still Life entities. Warped recreations of real people that somehow wandered into the Complex, these misremembered creatures are responsible for some of the most disturbing imagery of 2026 – as well as laugh-out-loud memes created by one of the film’s very own concept artists.

However, true to Parsons’ word that the movie would rely heavily on practical effects, each of these distorted monsters was brought to life by real actors under heavy layers of makeup and prosthetics (with the occasional splash of CGI enhancements). While Anora and If I Had Legs I’d Kick You actress Ivy Wolk wasn’t among these performers, despite what Letterboxd might have you believe, the creature cast did benefit from veteran players with plenty of genre experience.

For starters, Alien: Romulus alumni Robert Bobroczkyi (who previously brought that film’s horrific Offspring to life during its most memorable sequence) plays the flick’s main antagonist, the Still Life version of Captain Clark. And though there was some obvious CGI involved in making the character’s peg-leg and nightmarish face more believable, Bobroczkyi’s monstrous performance and his natural 7’7″ frame helped to make that final chase sequence a clear highlight among this year’s genre offerings.

The film’s Texas-Chain-Saw-inspired “dinner” scene also features a freaky collection of less-aggressive Still Life creatures in the form of the Bearded Man, the Red-Headed Woman and, strangest of them all, the cheekily named “Archibald Leland Sutter Still Life” (who earned this title among fans and crewmembers as a reference to his apparent affinity for lamps).

While this was the first major horror outing for both Patrick Baynham (The Bearded Man) and Dana Mahmood (Archibald), Rhiannon Roberts has worked as a stunt performer in everything from Yellowjackets to HBO’s The Last of Us adaptation – which is probably why The Red-Headed Woman is the most active out of Clark’s impromptu “family.” That being said, the Archibald Leland Sutter Still Life is my personal favorite of the bunch simply because his anachronistic outfit suggests that the Backrooms phenomenon might be a lot older than the Async Foundation. I also love how hard he tries to be helpful with that little light of his!

That might be it for the Still Life entities, but I think horror fans will also be pleased to hear that the film’s Found Footage prologue stars none other than Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City star Avan Jogia as Naren Warne – and American Mary herself Katharine Isabelle also shows up in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo at Mary’s house party towards the middle of the story (though I have a feeling that she originally had a bigger part that was likely cut for time).

At the end of the day, Parsons’ Backrooms may have been an auteur-driven project motivated by the young director’s unique take on the classic creepypasta, but film has always been a collective artform, so it’s fun to see just how many talented performers it takes to bring this kind of supernatural nightmare to life in a way that connects with so many people.

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