Connect with us

Editorials

Best & Worst ’10: BC’S BOTTOM 10 OF 2010

Published

on

The worst list was much easier for me to make than my ‘best’ list – barely a week went by without me being massively disappointed with something. Overall, it seems the main problem is filmmakers being more in love with their technology than their stories. All of these movies (OK, SOME of them) are well made, but all the bells and whistles can’t make up for a shit script. There’s just way too much mediocrity out there as of late, and looking over this list and next year’s schedule, I fear a 90s style wasteland may be fast approaching. Try harder, studios and filmmakers.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst)
BC (Best/Worst) | Micah (Best/Worst) | Keenan (Best/Worst) | Theo (Best/Worst)
Best One Sheets | Worst One Sheets
Most Memorable Moments | Top Trailers | Memorable Quotes

BC’S WORST 10 OF 2010

NOTE – Because someone always complains about a “missing” movie – this list is based only on the films released in the US for the calendar year of 2010. Don’t ask me where The Stepfather is because YOU just finally got around to seeing it this year.

Let the flaming begin!


No one asks much from the Resident Evil movies, but maybe we should, because they’re just getting lazier. The 3D only provided a few decent scenes (more like shots), so I can’t even imagine how dull it was in 2D. And has there ever been a movie more built around amazing coincidences? Claire and Alice happen to crash their plane on the roof of a building that not only provides weaponry and a quick path to the boat that they’re trying to reach, but also Claire’s brother! What are the odds? Probably not as good as the odds that we’ll have to suffer through a 5th film (as always, the RE films gross more and more each time despite basically getting worse).

9. Legion (Sony)


God gets sick of mankind and decides to send angels to kill everyone. Awesome, right? Well, maybe if Scott Stewart gets to make his proposed sequel(s) it can be. But this “first” film is just a crushing bore; nearly all the awesome parts were in the trailer, and after a decent opening, the movie stops cold as our characters talk and talk and talk and talk… By the time Stewart gets around to having them actually DO something again, the movie’s almost over. Waste of a great cast too.

8. The Rig (Anchor Bay)


Anchor Bay’s independent pickups are usually pretty good (Behind The Mask, Hatchet, etc), but for the life of me I don’t know why they didn’t pass on The Rig, a dull, shameless Alien ripoff that boasts a top-billed performance by William Forsythe, who dies about 20 minutes in. It also rips off Armageddon, which is akin to treason as far as I’m concerned. P.S. Don’t believe the box art, which suggests the monster is as big as the rig itself – it’s so small it can apparently sneak into tiny offices unnoticed.

7. Open Graves (Lionsgate)


Have you ever wondered why no one ever combined Jumanji with Final Destination? Because it’s a pretty stupid idea. Didn’t stop the makers of Open Graves from trying through. You’d think a movie that ended with Eliza Dushku transforming into a CGI dragonfly would at least be worth a look, but you have to sit through 80 interminable minutes to get there. It’s just not worth it.

6. Vampires Suck (FOX)


So do Friedberg and Seltzer, but you knew that. What you DIDN’T know is that they were so inept at what they do, they couldn’t even get more than a couple of laughs out of making fun of TWILIGHT. Come on guys, this was shooting fish in a barrel, and you missed? Can we stop giving them money now? What’s that? It made 40 million? Ah, shit.

5. The Graves (After Dark/Lionsgate)


No year’s worst list is complete without an After Dark entry! This year’s sacrificial lamb is easily The Graves, the latest in a never ending “series” of films in which attractive females run afoul of Bill Moseley. But while the genre icon does his best to liven the proceedings (even donning a pig nose for a chunk of time!), he can’t save the incoherent story or piss-poor direction that keeps nearly every single kill or action beat off-screen. And enough with the goddamn digital blood!

4. Suicide Girls Must Die (First Look)


Yes. They must. And they should take this pile of shit with them. SPOILER – It’s all fake, a la April Fool’s Day. I saved you 75 minutes.

3. Animals (Maverick)


This trainwreck has been on the shelves for years, and it should have stayed there. Botched on nearly every level a film COULD be botched (casting, effects, plot, you name it, they screwed it up), it’s possibly one of the best “get drunk with friends” movies to come along in ages. Especially since its borderline incomprehensible even without alchohol – why bother staying sober?

2. Chain Letter (Freestyle)


Expert guy: “These people, they HATE technology!”
Keith David: “What about the GOOD things technology can do?”
Expert guy: “It doesn’t matter, they hate it!”

Luckily, I was the only one in the theater (on opening night!) for Chain Letter, so I could laugh and laugh to my heart’s content at each and every one of the godawful lines of dialogue that peppered this dull slasher. Hilariously outdated and lacking an actual climax, I will never understand how this thing managed to get a fairly decent theatrical release. At least most folks were wise enough to stay away.

1. Nightmare On Elm St (2010) (Warner Bros.)


Platinum Dunes’ head honchos Brad Fuller and Andrew Form seem almost proud of the fact that Samuel Bayer turned this movie down a few times before finally being convinced to waste his directorial debut on it. There are a million hungry directors in this town who would KILL for the chance to reinvent Freddy Krueger for a new generation, but they were determined to get a guy who didn’t want to do it. And it shows. Lazy on every level and shockingly dull to boot, not to mention riddled with plot holes that a baby could spot, this is by far the Dunes’ worst film yet (and yes, I’m including The Horsemen). The only good thing I can say about it – they’ve officially run out of “A list” dormant franchises to bring back and kill just as quickly.

2010 Honoraries

And the “WTF??” award goes to: MY SOUL TO TAKE
The trailer might have been generic, but the movie was nothing but. Featuring incomprehensible “teen slang” and a plot involving multiple reincarnations (I think?), Wes Craven’s long delayed return to horror was, if nothing else, a memorable 90 minutes at the movies. When the fact that two of the main characters are actually siblings is something only `revealed’ in the final reel of the movie (it’s not a twist, it’s just something they never really clarified), you know you’re watching something special. The needless (but surprisingly decent) post-conversion 3D just added to the wackiness. Easily this year’s The Happening or The Wicker Man.

Most Improved Remake: I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE
By making the antagonists less cartoonish and adding in some actual suspense, this remake was surprisingly enjoyable (I really dislike the original), and instantly catapulted Sarah Butler into the realm of classic female asskickers. And you get to see the guy from Devil’s Chair get a shotgun up the ass!

Least Improved Remake: LET ME IN
Were the folks who raved about this movie paid off or what? Technically fine (except for the laughable CGI vampire kill scenes) and featuring terrific performances by Chloe Moretz and Kodi Smit-McPhee, but Matt Reeves brought absolutely nothing new to a film that’s only two years old. With half a books’ worth of unused material from the original novel, Reeves inexplicably chose to follow the original film practically scene for scene, even finding locations that looked the same. What was the point?

Biggest Surprise: CABIN FEVER 2
After several dozen years’ of delays, Ti West’s sequel finally hit DVD shelves, and we all expected the worst (West’s own dismissal of the film didn’t help). But surprisingly it was a worthy follow up, with gross out gags that would even make Eli gag (swimming pool scene!) and some fun performances by indie stalwarts Noah Segan and Marc Senter. And how can you dislike a movie that uses the Prom Night theme?

Biggest Disappointment: THE WOLFMAN
Maybe they should have let Ti West direct this one. Nearly 200 million spent, rewrites and reshoots that would make the Weinsteins blush, and a woeful casting decision that asked us to believe that Benecio Del Toro was the son of Anthony Hopkins, all combined into one dull mess. The director’s cut improves some things (notably the rushed and practically incoherent first act that played in theaters), and the asylum stuff is great, but when your movie has a climax that makes audiences think “Hey, they’re ripping off that Ang Lee Hulk movie that I hated!”, there’s a big problem. Just proves once again that the more money you throw at a production to “fix” it, the worse it will get.

Most Improved Sequel: LAKE PLACID 3
The 2nd film is one of the worst Syfy originals I’ve seen, but this one’s actually pretty enjoyable, due to a few ringers in the cast (Michael Ironside, Yancy Butler) and a script that takes the crocs beyond the lake and woods for a change. There’s a fun attack on a house (the one Betty White’s character owned in the first film), and the climax takes place in the neighboring town! Plus the FX have improved a bit, making this one of the better Syfy offerings in a while (dim praise, but hey).

Least Improved Sequel: 30 DAYS OF NIGHT: DARK DAYS
The best thing they could have done is ignore the characters from the first film and more or less start from scratch, using any of the dozens of 30DoN graphic novels (and even a few regular novels) as a guide. Instead they used the Stella-fied, underwhelming “Dark Days” followup, and then made things worse by replacing Melissa George with Kiele Sanchez, who had already been a target for genre fans due to her much hated turn on Lost. Add in underwhelming and repetitive vampire action and a boring locale (downtown Los Angeles, ooooh), and you have a template subpar DTV effort.

STILL MIA AWARDS: MANDY LANE and POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES! Last year’s winners come back! They bid farewell to Case 39, their fellow MIA film that was finally released on October 1st against three other genre films (and was the most successful one!). Will next year make these two poor films’ 5th annual appearance in this category? Find out in 365 days!

Editorials

What’s Wrong with My Baby!? Larry Cohen’s ‘It’s Alive’ at 50

Published

on

Netflix It's Alive

Soon after the New Hollywood generation took over the entertainment industry, they started having children. And more than any filmmakers that came before—they were terrified. Rosemary’s Baby (1968), The Exorcist (1973), The Omen (1976), Eraserhead (1977), The Brood (1979), The Shining (1980), Possession (1981), and many others all deal, at least in part, with the fears of becoming or being a parent. What if my child turns out to be a monster? is corrupted by some evil force? or turns out to be the fucking Antichrist? What if I screw them up somehow, or can’t help them, or even go insane and try to kill them? Horror has always been at its best when exploring relatable fears through extreme circumstances. A prime example of this is Larry Cohen’s 1974 monster-baby movie It’s Alive, which explores the not only the rollercoaster of emotions that any parent experiences when confronted with the difficulties of raising a child, but long-standing questions of who or what is at fault when something goes horribly wrong.

Cohen begins making his underlying points early in the film as Frank Davis (John P. Ryan) discusses the state of the world with a group of expectant fathers in a hospital waiting room. They discuss the “overabundance of lead” in foods and the environment, smog, and pesticides that only serve to produce roaches that are “bigger, stronger, and harder to kill.” Frank comments that this is “quite a world to bring a kid into.” This has long been a discussion point among people when trying to decide whether to have kids or not. I’ve had many conversations with friends who have said they feel it’s irresponsible to bring children into such a violent, broken, and dangerous world, and I certainly don’t begrudge them this. My wife and I did decide to have children but that doesn’t mean that it’s been easy.

Immediately following this scene comes It’s Alive’s most famous sequence in which Frank’s wife Lenore (Sharon Farrell) is the only person left alive in her delivery room, the doctors clawed and bitten to death by her mutant baby, which has escaped. “What does my baby look like!? What’s wrong with my baby!?” she screams as nurses wheel her frantically into a recovery room. The evening that had begun with such joy and excitement at the birth of their second child turned into a nightmare. This is tough for me to write, but on some level, I can relate to this whiplash of emotion. When my second child was born, they came about five weeks early. I’ll use the pronouns “they/them” for privacy reasons when referring to my kids. Our oldest was still very young and went to stay with my parents and we sped off to the hospital where my wife was taken into an operating room for an emergency c-section. I was able to carry our newborn into the NICU (natal intensive care unit) where I was assured that this was routine for all premature births. The nurses assured me there was nothing to worry about and the baby looked big and healthy. I headed to where my wife was taken to recover to grab a few winks assuming that everything was fine. Well, when I awoke, I headed back over to the NICU to find that my child was not where I left them. The nurse found me and told me that the baby’s lungs were underdeveloped, and they had to put them in a special room connected to oxygen tubes and wires to monitor their vitals.

It’s difficult to express the fear that overwhelmed me in those moments. Everything turned out okay, but it took a while and I’m convinced to this day that their anxiety struggles spring from these first weeks of life. As our children grew, we learned that two of the three were on the spectrum and that anxiety, depression, ADHD, and OCD were also playing a part in their lives. Parents, at least speaking for myself, can’t help but blame themselves for the struggles their children face. The “if only” questions creep in and easily overcome the voices that assure us that it really has nothing to do with us. In the film, Lenore says, “maybe it’s all the pills I’ve been taking that brought this on.” Frank muses aloud about how he used to think that Frankenstein was the monster, but when he got older realized he was the one that made the monster. The aptly named Frank is wondering if his baby’s mutation is his fault, if he created the monster that is terrorizing Los Angeles. I have made plenty of “if only” statements about myself over the years. “If only I hadn’t had to work so much, if only I had been around more when they were little.” Mothers may ask themselves, “did I have a drink, too much coffee, or a cigarette before I knew I was pregnant? Was I too stressed out during the pregnancy?” In other words, most parents can’t help but wonder if it’s all their fault.

At one point in the film, Frank goes to the elementary school where his baby has been sighted and is escorted through the halls by police. He overhears someone comment about “screwed up genes,” which brings about age-old questions of nature vs. nurture. Despite the voices around him from doctors and detectives that say, “we know this isn’t your fault,” Frank can’t help but think it is, and that the people who try to tell him it isn’t really think it’s his fault too. There is no doubt that there is a hereditary element to the kinds of mental illness struggles that my children and I deal with. But, and it’s a bit but, good parenting goes a long way in helping children deal with these struggles. Kids need to know they’re not alone, a good parent can provide that, perhaps especially parents that can relate to the same kinds of struggles. The question of nature vs. nurture will likely never be entirely answered but I think there’s more than a good chance that “both/and” is the case. Around the midpoint of the film, Frank agrees to disown the child and sign it over for medical experimentation if caught or killed. Lenore and the older son Chris (Daniel Holzman) seek to nurture and teach the baby, feeling that it is not a monster, but a member of the family.

It’s Alive takes these ideas to an even greater degree in the fact that the Davis Baby really is a monster, a mutant with claws and fangs that murders and eats people. The late ’60s and early ’70s also saw the rise in mass murderers and serial killers which heightened the nature vs. nurture debate. Obviously, these people were not literal monsters but human beings that came from human parents, but something had gone horribly wrong. Often the upbringing of these killers clearly led in part to their antisocial behavior, but this isn’t always the case. It’s Alive asks “what if a ‘monster’ comes from a good home?” In this case is it society, environmental factors, or is it the lead, smog, and pesticides? It is almost impossible to know, but the ending of the film underscores an uncomfortable truth—even monsters have parents.

As the film enters its third act, Frank joins the hunt for his child through the Los Angeles sewers and into the L.A. River. He is armed with a rifle and ready to kill on sight, having divorced himself from any relationship to the child. Then Frank finds his baby crying in the sewers and his fatherly instincts take over. With tears in his eyes, he speaks words of comfort and wraps his son in his coat. He holds him close, pats and rocks him, and whispers that everything is going to be okay. People often wonder how the parents of those who perform heinous acts can sit in court, shed tears, and defend them. I think it’s a complex issue. I’m sure that these parents know that their child has done something evil, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are still their baby. Your child is a piece of yourself formed into a whole new human being. Disowning them would be like cutting off a limb, no matter what they may have done. It doesn’t erase an evil act, far from it, but I can understand the pain of a parent in that situation. I think It’s Alive does an exceptional job placing its audience in that situation.

Despite the serious issues and ideas being examined in the film, It’s Alive is far from a dour affair. At heart, it is still a monster movie and filled with a sense of fun and a great deal of pitch-black humor. In one of its more memorable moments, a milkman is sucked into the rear compartment of his truck as red blood mingles with the white milk from smashed bottles leaking out the back of the truck and streaming down the street. Just after Frank agrees to join the hunt for his baby, the film cuts to the back of an ice cream truck with the words “STOP CHILDREN” emblazoned on it. It’s a movie filled with great kills, a mutant baby—created by make-up effects master Rick Baker early in his career, and plenty of action—and all in a PG rated movie! I’m telling you, the ’70s were wild. It just also happens to have some thoughtful ideas behind it as well.

Which was Larry Cohen’s specialty. Cohen made all kinds of movies, but his most enduring have been his horror films and all of them tackle the social issues and fears of the time they were made. God Told Me To (1976), Q: The Winged Serpent (1982), and The Stuff (1985) are all great examples of his socially aware, low-budget, exploitation filmmaking with a brain and It’s Alive certainly fits right in with that group. Cohen would go on to write and direct two sequels, It Lives Again (aka It’s Alive 2) in 1978 and It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive in 1987 and is credited as a co-writer on the 2008 remake. All these films explore the ideas of parental responsibility in light of the various concerns of the times they were made including abortion rights and AIDS.

Fifty years after It’s Alive was initially released, it has only become more relevant in the ensuing years. Fears surrounding parenthood have been with us since the beginning of time but as the years pass the reasons for these fears only seem to become more and more profound. In today’s world the conversation of the fathers in the waiting room could be expanded to hormones and genetic modifications in food, terrorism, climate change, school and other mass shootings, and other threats that were unknown or at least less of a concern fifty years ago. Perhaps the fearmongering conspiracy theories about chemtrails and vaccines would be mentioned as well, though in a more satirical fashion, as fears some expectant parents encounter while endlessly doomscrolling Facebook or Twitter. Speaking for myself, despite the struggles, the fears, and the sadness that sometimes comes with having children, it’s been worth it. The joys ultimately outweigh all of that, but I understand the terror too. Becoming a parent is no easy choice, nor should it be. But as I look back, I can say that I’m glad we made the choice we did.

I wonder if Frank and Lenore can say the same thing.

Continue Reading