Movies
Best & Worst of 2009: Mr. Disgusting’s Bottom 5 of 2009!
A typical year consists of ten bad horror films to one good one. The quality of 2009 was quite impressive, although there were still a fair share of dookies floating in the pot. Beyond the break you’ll find a list of the worst 5 films of the year, with a bunch of dishonorable mentions. Get your debate hat on, it’s time to go to war.
David Harley (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best/Worst)
MR. DISGUSTING’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2009
I’m a huge fan of Alex Proyas, but the constant delays and the casting of Nicolas Cage (what happened man?) made me hyper-aware of what was coming. Even with those lowered expectations I still found this to be one of the most disappointing movies in years. Sure, it has incredible F/X work (the plane crash is astounding), but the left-field ending is beyond mindboggling. Did M. Night Shyamalan write this?
Even before Universal attempted to make the film look like it lived in the same universe as TWILIGHT, I thought this adaptation looked horrendous. Still, it’s always nice to have a new franchise to get into, so I gave it a go. Unfortunately, CIRQUE is a heartless, cold and intensely boring movie that doesn’t appeal to anyone, let alone children. A complete failure.
Talk about the most moronic and idiotic human beings on the entire planet. “Hey, if I climb this mountain and hang off a cliff, maybe I’ll get reception?” Beyond the horrid characters, the screenplay is an abysmal mess. When I say nothing happens, I mean NOTHING happens.
An incredibly incoherent movie with illogical characters doing jackassy things. The first half is promising, but by the time serious poltergeist occurrences begin, it falls apart quicker than you can say “Boo!” In fact, the finale is so ridiculous it made my brain hurt. Ghost cures cancer. Yeah.
Is there a word that transcends abysmal? BLOOD is the lowest form of cinematic garbage that carries not a single shred of redeemable screen time. It’s shocking to me that the movie even got the “go ahead”, as the core of the problem is the screenplay penned by Chris Chow. Hoping for a little blood? If you enjoy video game gore in your feature films then maybe you’ll enjoy this?
As much as I hated George A. Romero’s heartless SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD, I couldn’t help but have some fun watching it, which is why I opted to keep it off the actual list. I desperately wanted to include SOLOMON KANE but it unfortunately took the #6 slot. The movie was such an epic disappointment considering how cool all of the images, clips and trailer were. It blows my mind that people like CARRIERS. I have a little trick I pull on everyone that works like a charm every single time. I ask, “Did you also see THE ROAD?” Thus far the answer has always been “Yes.” So my follow-up question is, “Did you love THE ROAD?” The answer thus far, “No.” So my final question to them is, “If CARRIERS is a cheap, crappy version of THE ROAD, why do you love it so much?” Think on that. As for JENNIFER’S BODY, I can understand why people enjoy it. The satire has its merits, but I simply couldn’t stand the dialogue — err “Jen Speak” as I call it. A PERFECT GETAWAY carries one of the most obvious twists of the decade, and is fairly weak in its story structure. Beautifully shot, but who cares when there’s nothing all that enjoyable happening on screen? I’m one of the few who actually enjoy watching HALLOWEEN II, but much like SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD, it’s a terrible, terrible movie. Fun does not always equal good. The same goes for H2’s rival THE FINAL DESTINATION; fun movie, but what a piece of crap. Jesus.
Judging from the unprecedented box office success of Kane Parsons’ Backrooms adaptation, you’ve likely already seen the liminal horror hit that managed to make audiences afraid of empty hallways and bad wallpaper. And now that so many of us have already entered the yellow labyrinth (some of us more than once), the time has come to discuss the spoiler-filled details that make the movie so fascinating in the first place.
And if there’s one element here that makes the Backrooms movie stand out from any previous lore/mythology, it has to be the genius addition of the Still Life entities. Warped recreations of real people that somehow wandered into the Complex, these misremembered creatures are responsible for some of the most disturbing imagery of 2026 – as well as laugh-out-loud memes created by one of the film’s very own concept artists.
However, true to Parsons’ word that the movie would rely heavily on practical effects, each of these distorted monsters was brought to life by real actors under heavy layers of makeup and prosthetics (with the occasional splash of CGI enhancements). While Anora and If I Had Legs I’d Kick You actress Ivy Wolk wasn’t among these performers, despite what Letterboxd might have you believe, the creature cast did benefit from veteran players with plenty of genre experience.
For starters, Alien: Romulus alumni Robert Bobroczkyi (who previously brought that film’s horrific Offspring to life during its most memorable sequence) plays the flick’s main antagonist, the Still Life version of Captain Clark. And though there was some obvious CGI involved in making the character’s peg-leg and nightmarish face more believable, Bobroczkyi’s monstrous performance and his natural 7’7″ frame helped to make that final chase sequence a clear highlight among this year’s genre offerings.
The film’s Texas-Chain-Saw-inspired “dinner” scene also features a freaky collection of less-aggressive Still Life creatures in the form of the Bearded Man, the Red-Headed Woman and, strangest of them all, the cheekily named “Archibald Leland Sutter Still Life” (who earned this title among fans and crewmembers as a reference to his apparent affinity for lamps).
While this was the first major horror outing for both Patrick Baynham (The Bearded Man) and Dana Mahmood (Archibald), Rhiannon Roberts has worked as a stunt performer in everything from Yellowjackets to HBO’s The Last of Us adaptation – which is probably why The Red-Headed Woman is the most active out of Clark’s impromptu “family.” That being said, the Archibald Leland Sutter Still Life is my personal favorite of the bunch simply because his anachronistic outfit suggests that the Backrooms phenomenon might be a lot older than the Async Foundation. I also love how hard he tries to be helpful with that little light of his!
That might be it for the Still Life entities, but I think horror fans will also be pleased to hear that the film’s Found Footage prologue stars none other than Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City star Avan Jogia as Naren Warne – and American Mary herself Katharine Isabelle also shows up in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo at Mary’s house party towards the middle of the story (though I have a feeling that she originally had a bigger part that was likely cut for time).
At the end of the day, Parsons’ Backrooms may have been an auteur-driven project motivated by the young director’s unique take on the classic creepypasta, but film has always been a collective artform, so it’s fun to see just how many talented performers it takes to bring this kind of supernatural nightmare to life in a way that connects with so many people.
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