When I was a baby I was raped by a goat.

Oh my damn...

That is gonna be hard to top hahahahaha

My username deserves a Saw V DVD. :)

Because every year i watch Saw at midnight on the premiere, and i own 1 + 2 + 3, i got lazy and torrented 4 and i dont have V at all. It'd be cool. Besides i'm the only person i know who called hoffman would be the next jigsaw. Idk man it'd just be damn decent of you to give me the dvd. I'm investing all my faith in Saw VI and if it doesnt revive my love for the series (which ended at 3) well i'll cry. That and i was raped by a dragon, when i was an infant. Top that.

Also a joke: What did the kid with no arms and legs get for christmas? ... Cancer. Duh.

How do you get a girl with no arms off a swing? You push her.

When I was a baby, I was raped by Billy the Puppet. I think he ought to give me back something in return. Perhaps a SAW 5 dvd. I totally deserve this. haha. "He helped me."

Update: I would scream like this woman if I were chosen. http://i35.tinypic.com/20uyc9l.jpg

For their anniversary, a husband tells his nagging wife that he's going to spend the day fixing things around the house. Unfortunately, nothing he does is good enough for her. In the morning, he tries to paint the garage. "Look at this mess," she complains. "The coats are uneven, and you're painting against the grain. I guess if I want it painted right, I'll just have to hire a professional!" At noon, he tries to fix a clogged sink drain. "You're tearing my kitchen apart!" the wife gripes. "You've got tools and old pipes everywhere, and I can't even run the water. I guess if I want it fixed right, I'll just have to hire a professional!" Before dinner, he tries to change the oil in her car. "Oh my God!" his wife groans. "Look at all the oil you're getting on the driveway! I guess if I want it changed right, I'll just have to hire a professional!" That night, after a romantic dinner, the wife leads her husband upstairs, drops down to her knees, and starts to unzip his fly. He looks down at her for a second before turning, walking over to the dresser, taking all the money from her purse, and heading for the door. "Where are you going?" the wife asks. The husband replies, "To get a blowjob!"

Bukkake Lime is this weeks flavor. mmm pure bliss.

I want Saw V on blu-ray!! ...but DVD would be awesome too. Giveaways rule.

I've already watched all 5 Saw films to get ready for the 6th and I love them. I am a poor college kid, so I need all the free DVDs I can get. I would absolutely LOVE to have the Saw V DVD. Also, a joke: What does a fish say when it swims into a wall? DAM! that's one of the corniest jokes I know, btw. You should feel honored I shared it with you and give me the DVD based on that awesomeness. :)

My blood hurts from trying to buy this DVD.

Meh... Do you guys get paid per the amount of comments you have? You always seem so goddamned desperate for more comments =P

Oh, I also have a joke for you: Rob Zombie's 'Halloween 2'. Funny, eh?

Because I'm a girl. And I met Shawnee Smith...I can hook you up ;)

Hello, Chris. I want to play a game. You've spent your whole time on B-D creating interesting original features, only to be berated by the angry fanboys for one idiotic reason or another. These petulant trolls call your features "lame" and insult you for failing to see REC, yet you keep on writing - presumably because you love horror, and you want to share your insights and observations with others of a similar mind. But let's see how much you really appreciate those who read and enjoy your contributions. I've devoted considerable time and effort to defending you and your features, even knowing that mounting such a defense would make me a target of these raging douchebags. Not out of loyalty to you personally, but rather because I value constructive contributions from positive-minded fans much more than the pissing and moaning of sociopaths and malcontents. The choice is yours. Will you reward a fan with both a commitment to enjoying this hobby and a willingness to shamelessly suck up for a free DVD, or will you simply give the discs to someone who says something funny about being raped as an infant? Make your choice! (And don't forget my hilarious "blowjob" joke, posted above!)

Also... don't want you to think I'd play for sympathy here, but my hamster died today AND I had to sit through BACKWOODS with Haylie Duff!

I don't really like Saw movies.

I haven't REALLY liked a Saw film since the 2nd one. The 3rd is alright, the 4th was meh, and the 5th...well, I haven't seen the 5th. Everyone wins something they want or like...give one of 'em to me, the guy who ISN'T exciting about the film. Who knows, maybe, IMO, 5 will be better than 4 or 3 or even 2 and 1. Maybe, by giving me one of the two copies, you'll restore me interest in the franchise? Then again, maybe not. Your move.

I listened to the ENTIRE 4 hour podcast... and LOVED it. Anyone who bitched about it is an asshole, should shove their iPod down their throat, and choke on it.

PS: You guys should get Borderlands for the PC, play it with me on steam, and then talk about how AWESOME it is on the podcast! I'm sure you'll all get it for 360 though... sadness.

On Wednesday night, a hamster died in my house. It's hard to say what killed him. Nobody cares. Nobody cares but me.

BUAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAH I want it

I love Saw, my Playstation 3 is broken so I can't watch my Saw films on bluray before I go see 6. Feel sorry for me ='[ lol, I would love to catch up on 5 before I go see 6!

i plan to go into the same business and learning helps

"i plan to go into the same business and learning helps" You think he means the film business or the kidnapping people and teaching them the value of life business? If it's the latter- this guy totally deserves the DVD because I'd love to see the media's reaction to real-life Jigsaw killings.

Because work didn't pay me in 5 weeks now because of some error and my housekeeper is wondering where his money is. :<

These are great! MORE, ENTERTAIN ME!!

I had the game imported from the US cus i cudnt wait till november to play it, The continuity is crap Tapp has the shot gun collar on for a majority of this game, this game is set inbetween saw 1 & 2 the shot gun collar was built by amanda and is revealed in saw 3. so it wudnt have exsisted yet!! Obi and Amanda appear in this game before the events of saw 2, we know that after she survived the reverse bear trap she became jigsaws ocomplace, so she wud not be tested again till saw 3! Obi was used by jigsaw to campture some of the house victims, if jigsaw wanted to use obi for this why would he put obi in a trap before these events!!

Hello, Brad. We're going to play a game. You've created the best horror site on the web, but what does it really mean to you? You wade through the endless news about bad DTV movies, the mountains of hype for terrible new releases, rivers of ridiculous rumors, and a neverending stream of complaints from the fans about just about everything you do here. Why? Do you really love horror this much? Is your life fulfilled? Is this what you wanted? It's time for you to choose, Mr. Miska. Will you reward the faithful with a sweet free SAW V DVD, or will you continue on pushing your boulder up the mountain, knowing all the way that there's a really weird guy in Ohio who had to buy his own copy because you didn't intervene on his behalf. What will it be, Brad? Make your choice!

First I played wif Chris. Then I played wif Brad. Now I want to play wif you, TJ...

LIEBE IST FÜR ALLE DA! ICH WILL DEINE GESCHENK! HAPPY SAW-MONTH EVERYBODY!

Somehow I don't think I'll win, even though I'm Shoa Kahn and I just want something to watch while I wax my muscular thighs while preparing for Kombat... AND I BEAT THE SAW GAME ALREADY!

You know what the saddest thing in the world is? When the host of a TV show calls for volunteers from the studio audience, and one poor guy jumps up and down and shouts and waves his hands in the air like a maniac, but never gets picked. You know the dope I mean - the poor soul who's doing everything he possibly can to call attention to himself because winning is so important that he doesn't even care about his dignity or self-respect anymore, but the person with the power to give him what he wants just won't let him have it. Isn't that sad?

I was going to tell another joke, but since this is a comments section, I thought I'd keep it short. So here are some great punchlines... "Rectum? I damn near killed 'em!"; "If mommy wants a new cocktail dress, she does!"; "Man bursts into tears. Says, 'But Doctor... I am Pagliacci.'"; "A frog in a blender!"; "What are you? A gay fish?"; "Dracula is Judas Iscariot!"; Uwe Boll. Funny stuff, eh?

Sorry. I forgot one of my favorites... "The redneck turns to his wife and says, "Honey, go fetch little Citified Dipshit!"

Oh! I so want a copy of V with the motorized saw box! Please?

Pretty please?

How about if I unbutton my shirt a little more?

Why, yes, my bra is from Victoria's Secret. How did you know?

No, I'm not going to strip for you now, here in front of everybody. But I was hoping to watch all five Saw movies naked. Too bad I don't have Saw V yet...

The goat was actually Mark Wahlburg.

because i enjoyed waterworld.

Pick me because i need something to pass the time while i get over swine flu:)

and because i have your name tattooed on my butt

i might cough and infect the world! BUAHAHA

John and Jill Ran up the hill for John to get a mouth full of cock to find out Jill's name is Hoffman. Jigsaw and Amanda go to Jill's Clinic so Amanda can tell Jill "He Fvcked Me." Theres a Joke. Reason why I should win 1: I Dunno You're smart maybe you can think of it.

Have you ever been mellow? Have you ever tried?

i'm black

Just give it to this guy: jkrouskop 9 Sorry I don't have a joke... uh.. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. *Ba-dah-bm-ching! =)

Wouldn't it suck if "photosurrealism" was a guy? Haha I have to give it to him/her for the attempt at seducing you via comment? But considering I have every DVD but that one, it would be pretty awesome. I think I've seen every horror movie ever made and I, unlike some, have actually stayed loyal to the series. Despite the gore, it really is great how the story unfolds. So maybe give it to me just because I didn't claim to be raped as a kid by a random object?

I've got a bad joke for you!- Why did the cowboy buy a weiner dog? Because everyone kept telling him to get along little doggy.-Terrible, huh? Believe it or not, that joke always gets a decent reaction. It's not mine though. I just want the SAW V dvd.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? --The Wheelchair! Get it!? Give me the damn DVD...

Let's see I'm poor as hell, have no job, recently moved to KS which is HELL on EARTH, living with my wife's sister and boyfriend. I need something to be happy about in life!

I have been a fan of Saw since it began and I love every installment thus far. What I love about Saw V beyond the others is that it allowed us to put our feet back into the previous movies and in that way it was bringing the entire story and series together. By exploring Hoffman and his relationship with John, it revealed to us HOW Jigsaw was able to carry out so many things in his work and from that it felt like the most important Saw movie to me. It's a huge piece of the puzzle and without it the story would not be complete. Saw V is one of the best of the series and I would really like to have this movie.

I have every other Saw movie except for five! I'd love to get it for free :-).

Hi! I'm an aspiring movie director! Love the site and would really like to win one of the DVDs. I really don't know what else to say, just that I like the dead pixels podcast and I hope I win!

i will do almost anything legal and within the laws of physics to get the movie

I came

I've seen nessy!

Thought I already had an account here...

gimme gimme gimme

I already got both edition.

I CAN NAME ANY PART OF SAW AND I AM TAKING PSYCHOLOGY TO WORK WITH SERIAL KILLERS 2 MORE SEMESTERS TO GO AND I'LL HAVE MY BA

i've met Tobin and i can prove it.

Sometimes I dress up likle a goat and rape babies.

i really wnt this!

I was glad they found the Balloon Boy safe. I was beginning to think Michael Jackson was ordering Take-Out.

I want this sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!!

you have a contest! and then your going to choose me! oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!! (reference to Troll 2)

That game looks pretty sweet by the way

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. ‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”

i have the first 4 saw movies but i still havent gotten around to getting 5 yet. i will put some more jokes up later to persuade you for that nice collectors box dvd.

i wasnt raped by anyone so i guess that makes me a winner already in some ways.

Does someone just want to get rid of his horrible Saw V dvds? That sounds like the problem. haha

I would love to win this dvd, because I PERSONALLY loved every one of the SAW movies, and have no worry about them continuing to be awesome... and you wont find any complaining comments about the movies from me! how bout a dirty joke- How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? pick him up and s*** his d***.

Winning Saw V is like @#$%ing a fat girl... I'd be happy when I got it, but probably throw it away immediately.

You bitches are gay

This is the only Saw DVD I don't have (honestly). I'm tailor-made for this website, right down to my love for classic heavy metal (cool when every-so-often a music-related article pops up). Please pick me! I'll be your friend 'til the end.

I love lamp.

I think saw is the best and original series that coul keep going if done right.

I asked Tobin Bell to sign my throbbing penis.

I was Joan of Ark in my former life, but when my buzz ran its course I realized I just wanted a Big Mac

Hello, TJ. I want to play a game. I warned you you would be tested, and now it's time. In today's world, horror fans have a greater quantity and wider variety of entertainment options, in an equally wide variety of media, than at anytime in human history. With minimal expense or effort, we can instantly watch, download, play, read, listen to, and interact with horror in countless subgenres and formats. We have instant access to news, reviews, updates, commentary, behind-the-scenes footage, trailers, and just about anything else a fan could ever want. We live in an age when horror is both abundant and accessible, often available to us with just the click of a button. Yet many fans choose to view this hobby and its current state of wealth as they view their lives, empty and unsatisfying. To them, each new film is just an opportunity to be disappointed, and each new post on B-D is a chance to do the only thing that really makes them feel good - tearing down others. It's time to choose, TJ. Will you give these DVDs to angry, bitter fanboys who fill these comments sections with venom and self pity, or will you reward those who see horror as a reward? Will you hand these goodies over to cynical trolls who will simply sell them at Buybacks the minute they get them, or will you award them to true, positive-minded SAW fans who will get endless hours of enjoyment out of them? What is the life of a horror fan to you, TJ? Do real horror fans live to bitch and moan and berate others, or do they live to eagerly, joyfully watch horror films? You hold in your hands the power to make someone happy. Will that someone be a hardcore fan whose happiness will stem from owning SAW V, or will the winner be a frustrated douchebag whose only satisfaction will be knowing he kept the DVD out of the hands of someone who would really enjoy it? Make your choice!

I want it, so you give it. Me want DVD. Give. Giiiiiiive...

Here's a comment you haven't gotten yet... When are we going to find out who won?

Word. I really dig free stuff. I am not a super-fan of saw though i like the first 3 a lot and 4 and 5 are ok. That's all. Thanks

Just wanted you to know that, like VALKYRIE and THE BOX, I too have stolen the SAW theme for the trailer to my life.

Why did the human cross the road? Because the Human was fed through a wood chipper, on low throttle, feet first and consious so that he/she can cry out inarticulate, blood curdling screams as he/she tries desparately and spasmodically, to extricate himself/herself (to no avail) before finally, and inevitably being pulled, with arms flailing, open mouth gaping, and wide eyes bulging, into the hungry, impersonal maw of metal blades of which show no mercy on hard pieces of wood, let alone soft, frail flesh and bone, then, after letting the flesh-chunk's blood seep into the ground to feed the miriad, uncounted bug life, the chunks of flesh, bone, and teeth are raked into a container to then be further ground up with an industrial strength blender, then the human slurry is spread thinly upon many baking pans, then left in the sun to sun-dry, and then the resulting dried human-flakes/chips are then gathered up to be further ground up in a mortar-and-pestle to make a fine powder, which is then spread and mixed with the chicken feed, at which point, the hungry chicken ate the human remains with it's feed and, when full, the chicken decided to walk over to a road, and as they say, the rest is history. ROTFLMAO...oh, that was a funny one...i have to wipe the tears from my eyes now...oh, my belly hurts...i think i'll read my joke again...

P.S. I hope u liked the joke, i know i did...

If I win one of these DVDs, I promise never to strap you to a chair and give you the choice between watching the APRIL FOOLS DAY remake or digging the remote control out of your lower intestine with a bread knife so you can turn the movie off.

Give it to me 100th comment. YA i'm one of those losers. I pee'd

I never know what to say in these "comment to win" contests. I usually forget to enter because I am reading other people's comments which are either beyond stupid or pathetic. Like everyone else I would love to win the DVD.

I should get it just because I'm awesome.

I'm the best, fuck the rest.

I own 1-4. 1-3 are in the sweeeet box set and 4 is the director's cut. I need five to start off my collection again and my favorite invention ever is horror movies.

The 104th beyond stupid and/or pathetic comment.

Excuse me... 105th.

Happy, happy Halloween... Halloween... Halloween! Happy, happy Halloween... SAW VI kicks ass! (The preceding jingle was brought to you by the Committee To Give jkrouskop A SAW V DVD, and the Silver Shamrock Corporation.)

A question to ponder... If Megan Fox appeared as a contestant on Season 2 of SCREAM QUEENS, would she prove to be a good enough actress to win a role in SAW VII (or would James Gunn just try to fuck her)?

At the girls' school, my baby broke all the rules!

Just across 110th street...

Leave your comments on this article. Please do not respond to other users comments here, that's what the forums are for! Instead just leave your comments on the article itself. ALL OTHER COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED! You are logged in as HorrorFan101 (Log Out)

I just got home from watching SAW VI. All I will say is that they have found redemption in my eyes from the previous borefest known as SAW V. The deaths are brutal my friend, and you'll leave with more questions ... aaahhh, what a great night!

No joke, straight up facts buddy: I've checked this site everyday since I've been a member, and if you click my name you can see I've been a member since 2003. Six years well spent. A movie that is widely hated and reviewed negatively on here as a prize would be pretty suhweet since I love free stuff. Bloody-Disgusting is undead and it's blood runs through my veins.

Im suprised you could even give away the abomination known as SAW V...call me when you get SAW VI on Dvd...and whoever wins the dvd I say this..find someone you dislike pull the disc out and throw it at them...whats more painful watching SAW V or having someone throw a SAW V disc at you...sounds like a trap they could use in the next movie to me

I know if I were giving away a free gift, I'd be really swayed by people commenting on how much that gift sucked... swayed to give it instead to someone who would genuinely appreciate it. But that's just me...

Have to get to bed. 10:15 AM showing of SAW VI in the morning, which will be my second time seeing it! Nothing like a little SAW for breakfast!

Why I should get the Saw V dvd? Because most people hate it. I do not. I'd show it appreciation. To be honest I don't hate anyone of the Saw movies. I just like some more and some less. The reason I want Saw V is because: It's good study material. I am, you see, a student who's dream is to become a director. And in order to become a truly sucessfull one I need to watch good movies, bad movies and those in between. Besides, I know a good knock knock joke: *knock knock* Who's there? Getyour Get your what? Get your big butt off me you great ape!

Ok. Check out this scenario and ponder on it. Think of it in terms of being a pro-life activist: If the devil were to take out some broad and make some sweet devil love to her and knock her up, would it be against church docturine for the lady to get an abortion? Since she'll be aborting the son of the devil and all! DVD!!!!

i should get the dvd because the biggest twist in the Saw franchise is that Jigsaw is MY apprentice, i only sent him out for coffee where the hell did he go...

give me the dvd you fucking cunt.

What do you call a zombie dog crossing the road? Roadkill. sorry, I'm bad with jokes.

Five hours sleep is enough for another comment and an early showing of SAW VI!

On the flip side, how the fuck am I supposed to be funny and entertaining on five hours sleep?

Here's a brainteaser for you... If Patricia Arquette pulled Jigsaw into her dreams, could he kill people there?

The answer is yes he could, but he wouldn't. Jigsaw doesn't kill people; he lets them kill themselves. In a related note, what the fuck happened to Tuesday Knight?

On a similar note, if Patricia Arquette pulled Jennifer Love Hewitt into her dreams, would she say to her, "Jamie Kennedy? Really?" Or would she morph into the young, hot, TRUE ROMANCE Patricia Arquette so the two of them could get freaky nasty together... after which, she'd roll over to Love and say, "Seriously? Jamie Kennedy?!?!?"

An observation... Jay Mohr's Christopher Walken impression is almost perfect. The only way it could be more accurate is if Jay Mohr was in more shitty movies.

The greatest action movie tough guy line of all time? Cobra (Sylvester Stallone): "Go ahead. I don't shop here."

I live my life by two very important creeds - "Light fuse and get away!" and "Do not put in mouth or rectum!"

Off to my encore viewing of SAW VI now. Keep watching the skis, true believers!

I can't believe how smelly this vagina is.

I don't apologize to owls!!

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me

Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me Pick Me

True sob story - my ride to the theater this morning bagged me, so my encore viewing of SAW VI will have to wait. Too far to walk to catch a showing in time to get to work this afternoon. If I had one more sick day available, believe me, I'd call off and go anyway. Fuck!

I should get the fancy box because I rule. Second, I have seen every saw movie and I would like to watch them all again before seeing the new one. Third, I AM ODIN!!!!!!!!!

I love the Beatles and Steve Carrell.

Since I'm fuckin' stuck at home anyway... I have this fear that I'll win the SAW V DVD, but Kanye West will show up at my mailbox and tell me I don't deserve it.

How do u know when u have satisfied a Red Head She unties u

I like toast.

looks grand! i should win coz im an original horor fan thats never wins anything!!!!!!!! Oh i wanns play a little game with anyone who wants to disagree muhahahahahahaha

I want to see Saw 5. alliteration points. eh?

I LOVE SAW...

WELL. ill be dayumned! I think i deserve the dvd because im as random as a retarded toddler dancing to a bit of billie jean while his grandad sits on an inflatable elephant duvet chair, masturbating to a hairless cat who is also half jewish. OMFG haloween soon, my friend who looks like a beaver is going shrimp hunting. ^_^ URM so yeah. it would be so fricking awesome if i could wint he dvd. Im a horror fan. And when i first saw Saw, it was such a good film! Then it carried on andd my favourite AT THE MOMENT was the origional. =] And i know this is completely irrelevent but i have 41 horror films so far. YEAHH GET ME ;] Im trying to get 100 and then who knows EHE! YEAh im hyperr on monster, and saw the competition and thought oh wow. that would be awesomeness if i could win a dvd. (randomly dances and falls over) OKKK thats it, my massage has ended. you pay me now * says in chinese voice* LOL. ok yeah PIE PIE. * waves*

couscous a food so nice they named it twice

ripe tits.

I just want these. Plain and simple. I just do.

Pwease could you give me Saw V on Dvd, or I may have to play a game with you... ;)

Do I have to resort to Chuck Norris jokes here?

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman said, “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis to whom women will flock.” The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.” So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.” So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.” Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them. Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers, continue reading…. … … … … … … The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife Moral of the story: Women think they’re so smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

A man walked into a bar room one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks”. The bartender said, “No problem sir, but I’ll need to see some money first”. The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?”, asked the bartender. “I’m a professional gambler”, replied the man. The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?”. “Well, I only bet on sure things” said the guy. “Like what?” asked the bartender. “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye.” The bartender thought about it. “OK”. So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. “Aw, you screwed me”, said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. “I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye” said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet”. So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. “Aw, you screwed me again”. “That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in leiu of the $100&#8243;, said the man. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop”. The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “OK, you’re on”. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle. The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me $500!”. The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s OK. I just bet each of the guys in the poker room $1000 that I could piss all over you AND the bar AND still make you laugh!”.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

•Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

•Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

jkrouskop aside from the million comments you've been posting, the fucking Kanye comment....genius! Look, imma let you get this saw v dvd, but you don't deserve it aight? Beyonce does fa sho.

haha that was funny

because im a big saw fan, and i would really like to have either version of this movie in my collection

I deserve the collector's edition for a very simple reason: If I do not receive that dvd a mad army of rabid sexually oppressed and very perverted and forceful platypuses will descend onto the earth and track me down in an effort to force me to engage in their mad romping mayonnaise induced hallucinogenic sex parties featuring other exotic mammals and condiments. Now the last time this happened I was in therapy for months. i thought it worked until i realize the psychiatrist was a beaver and his secretary was a duck...beaver??? Duck???? Tails...beaks....WOW! Then it hit me. There is no escape. Luckily as i ran out of the office naked and covered in what seemed to me a mixture of mustard and Vaseline I passed a theater playing Saw, and they stopped and stood at the sign mesmerized. I was able to escape and go into a life of hiding. Now they are back. I hear them outside my windows at night. Please, i beg you. I need the dvd...not for my own entertainment, but for my very life! DON'T LET THEM GET ME! PLEASE!

Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hand the innkeeper three nails and he asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Jesus is up on the cross and peter is at the bottom of the hill in tears because his lord was just crucified in front of him. Peter kneels to pray when he hears Jesus calling out, "Peter...Peter...I need you. Come up here." So Peter runs up the hill and guards kick him back down. He lands at the bottom of the hill and kneels to pray again. Then he hears, "Peter...Peter...Hurry! I have a message for you. I need you." Peter gets up and says "I must get to my lord, Jesus!" and he runs up the hill to the top and guards kick him back down. He kneels to pray. During his prayer he hears, "Peter! Peter! I don;t have much time left. You need to hear this. I have a message that could change your life and life of all others. Please come to me!" Peter stands up and rushes up the hill! He makes it to the guards and he fights his way through tossing them to the bottom of the hill. He rushes to the foot of the cross and kneels down, blood soaked and scarred from his battle to reach is lord. He looks up and says, "Yes, Jesus...My lord. I have made it to you. I am here. What is thy message?" Jesus looks down and says, "Dude...I swear I can my house from up here!"

I have saw 5 collectors edition and i have the directors cut i got them both the first day they came out....thats why u should give it to me i am a dedicated saw fan there and then i can sell it on ebay hook a brother up lol...no really props to anyone who wins this its cool i already have both just felt like putting a comment...if i win that would be messed up there lol

It's raining...Hard. as the flood warnings go out an old man is sitting on his porch holding a bible and a rosary. A jeep pulls up and the person in the jeep says, 'Sir! Get in. The water is rising and you have to evacuate now!" The old man replies, "I have my bible and my rosary. I put my faith in the lord. He'll save me." The jeep leaves. A few hours pass and the old man is now on his second story balcony when a boat comes by. The driver of the boat says, "Sir! Get in! The waiter is rising. You need to come with me now!" The old man replies, "No sir. I have my bible and my rosary. God will see fit to save me." The boat leaves. A few hours later the old man is on his roof and a helicopter flies over. The pilot yells down, "Sir! You have nowhere left to go! Get in or you will die!" The old man looks up and says, "No sir. I have my bible and my rosary. God will save me. I put my faith in the lord!" The helicopter leaves. The guy dies. He makes to the gates of heaven and he sees god walking past. He runs over and kneels in front of him and says, "My lord. Why? I put my faith in you. You let me die." God looks down and replies, "Listen moron! I sent you a jeep, a boat and a helicopter! What More Do You want?"

i just want the dvds plain and simple

Outstanding, BurnTheBlueSky! Muchas Gracias! I'll make sure Beyonce gets to watch it anyway, since she and Taylor Swift will both be chillin' at the crib when it arrives. But don't think the comments end here. In the words of the great Martin Riggs, "I haven't even started!"

Have to say, schizophrenic-kyle, that "20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes" line is one of the best Chuck Norris jokes I've ever heard. Right up there with Chuck Norris can kick-start a car and when Chuck Norris works out, the machine gets stronger.

I'm surprised no one's ever made the obvious connection... If you watch WALKER, TEXAS RANGER, you just might be a redneck!

The greatest opening line in the history of literature? Max Allan Collins, THE FIRST QUARRY - "The night after Christmas and all through the house, it was colder than fuck."

pulling shorties with dull tweezers

Every 18 seconds in America, a man is mugged. Here's some good advice - find out who that poor bastard is and stay the fuck away from him! (The preceding joke was stolen from Saturday Night Live, circa 1982)

Micheal j fox walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for a cone. The girl behind the counter asks him, "what flavor?" He says, "It doesnt matter, im just going to fucking drop it"

This should be mine for I am the son of the Kingdom of Greyskull!

a no-brainer, i have watched every single cheesy horror movie i could get my hands on since about 1969, and believe me there are alot of really--really---really baddd ones.

last week i raped a goat

because instead of goig to see saw 6 i saw zombieland and it rocked.

This morning, we salute CBS - "The Hard-On Network": Kaley Cuoco, Allison Hannigan, Megan Pryce, Bianca Kajlich, Emily Proctor, Eva LaRue, Brooke D'Orsay, Paula Marshall, Robin Tunney, Amanda Righetti, Marg Helgenberger, Cote De Pablo, Pauley Perrette, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Paget Brewster, AJ Cook, and many more. Here's to you, CBS, for keeping us UP every night!

Can't believe I forgot Jennifer Love Hewitt!

Because if you don't ill foot-rape you

This'll be hilarious when we all find out that BurnTheBlueSky either forgot about this contest or got hungry and ate both of the DVD's... he's probably too ashamed to admit that he's a FATTY... FAT FAT FAT! HOPE YOU LIKED SAW V FATTY!

This'll be hilarious when we all find out that BurnTheBlueSky either forgot about this contest or got hungry and ate both of the DVD's... he's probably too ashamed to admit that he's a FATTY... FAT FAT FAT! HOPE YOU LIKED SAW V FATTY!

Simple, 3 words.... I AM JIGSAW

HAHAHAHHA FATTY, BET YOU CANT TOUCH YOUR FEET.

Coz if you don't ill make you watch The Box and watch cameron diaz

gimme gimme gimme, god told me you would gimme gimme gimme, now do as god has said.

What is the definition of ultimate trust? Leting leatherface give your oral sex.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... bah dun tsh.

PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!! PICK ME TO RECIEVE THIS IVE BEEN WANTING THIS SINCE I CLAWED MY WAY OUT OF MY MOMS VAJ SO PLEAZ PLEAZ MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE AND WHEN I HAVE MY GRANDCHILDREN SITTING ON MY LAP ILL TELL THEM THAT BLOODY DISGUSTING GAVE MADE MY DREAM A REALITY

I'll just say hi.

Unfortunately for all of you, I was born with a saw (no pun intended) attached to my face where a normal human being would be blessed with what I have been told is called a forehead. Unfortunately for myself, doctors and surgeons worlwide hae yet to find a way to safely remove this monstrosity via surgery. You see, while I have encountered others of my kind, none are as gruesome as yours truly; a slightly more handsome Jason Voorhees, if you will. Now it isn't all a sob story, as I have recently married a bombshell who I so bravely "rescued" at a local singles club. I suppose her short skirt and strawberry daquiri sent the wrong message to her attacker, who appeared to crave nothing more than a handful of her finest. Nonetheless, her knight in shining armor was nearby, and after a quick headbutt, her nightmare was over, and given my condition, I trust you can visualize the massacre.

When there's no more room in Hell, the (brain)dead obviously go shopping at Half Price Books!

I hate milk. Everytime I read news about the adiry industry online, I'm going to write an angry rant saying I wish cows would stop producing milk and dairy farmers would quit selling it. After all, SAW haters, isn't it true that what one guy likes or dislikes should take priority over the right of every other individual in the free world to choose what he or she drinks with breakfast? Live and let live... unless, for someone else, living means enjoying something I dislike! Right?

HEY I'M NOT A GOD DAMN FATTY!! P.S. I ate the dvds, contest over.

Two times for SAW VI!

They say you can't win if you don't play. Well what if you're the only one still playing?

A guy goes to the doctor with his wife for a checkup because he has been feeling rather low and ill lately. The doctor takes the man back to the room and leaves the wife in the waiting area. After the checkup he tells the man to wait in the waiting room because he wants to speak to the wife. The wife walks in and the doctor says, "Ok, the bad news is, your husband is dying. The good news is, we can save him, but we will need your help." The wife replies, "Anything. Just name it." The doctor tells her, "Stress is killing your husband. You need to wake up every morning and make love to your husband fulfilling every fantasy he has no matter how filthy they are. Then you draw his bath and go downstairs while he soaks and make him a huge breakfast. You feed him his meal then kiss him goodbye and tell him you love him as he leaves for work. At noon, you meet him at work with a hand prepared lunch and you make love to him in the parking lot. You go home, clean the house, cook a HUGE dinner, and greet your husband nude, with open arms and his meal. You feed him, then proceed to make love to him passionately all night long, once again fulfilling his every dirty desire. Do this every day for about 6 months and he will live a long long time. Do you understand?" The woman replies, "Yes, doctor, I get it." The husband and wife leave the doctor's office and begin the ride home. About one block into the ride the husband looks over and says, "So, what did the doctor tell you?" The wife looks back and says, "Shit, you're gonna die."

Question: Whats white, sticky and moves across the sky at a thousand miles an hour? Answer: The coming of the Lord

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it." Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus. Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple. But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water. When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?" The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there." The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his robe and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied: "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are ten commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not refered to as Daddy, Junior and Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as Big T 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat me!" 12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-A Dub-Dub, Thanks for the grub, Yeah God." 14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Ok I might be back with more...after I see how many people I already offended.

Has anyone here noticed that the SAW series is probably the only R-rated, long-running horror franchise that doesn't feature a lot of gratuitous nudity? Oh well... nobody's perfect.

I've got patches on the patches of my old blue jeans. Well they used to be new. They used to be blue. They used to be clean.

$14 mil in 3 days, against a budget of $11 mil... on a weekend when the other two truly new releases tanked and overall box-office was way down? Haters may be dancing (though most are too busy hating on PARANORMAL ACTIVITY), but that's still good enough for SAW VII!

What's with all the jesus and priest jokes?

I have nothing funny to say.

With SAW VI, the SAW franchise has now officially moved to second place on both the list of highest grossing horror series, and on my list of personal favorite fright franchises. In both cases, it's behind FRIDAY THE 13TH. It's not likely to supplant the Crystal Lake saga as #1 in my heart, but it may still pass F13 at the box office.

11:48AM was the last comment here, posted by yours truly.

11:23PM was the last comment here, posted by yours truly.

I've spent much of the last twelve hours pondering the SAW franchise. Have you?

Did you ever have one of those nightmares where your running and running but aren't getting anywhere, and no matter how hard you try to run, you just never seem to win that free SAW V DVD? Yeah, me either. But I'll bet it would really suck...

In Rob Zombie's reimagining of SAW, 11-year-old John Kramer will build elaborate traps for his pet rats out of erector sets and Legos. Years later, to the haunting strains of Blue Oyster Cult's CITIES ON FLAME WITH ROCK AND ROLL, he'll strap Sherri Moon Zombie in a chair and force her to watch HALLOWEEN 2 or rip out her own eyes with plastic spoons. She'll wisely choose the spoons.

I, for one, would like to see a HELLRAISER-SAW crossover. First, it would allow Tobin Bell to come back without resorting to flashbacks. Moreover, it would feature more flesh-ripping, bone-crunching, pain-inducing, stomach-churning horror than a porno starring Rosie O'Donnell and DJ Qualls.

The SAW series has also contributed to pop culture one of the greatest taglines in film history - "Oh yes... there will be blood!" Right up there with "In space, no one can hear you scream!", "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...", "Somewhere... somehow... someone's gonna pay!", "Two men went looking for America, and couldn't find it anywhere.", and, of course, "They just fucked with the wrong Mexican!"

There are lots of big news items I could comment on today, but why bother getting involved in all the HELLRAISER 3-D, "no greenlight yet for F13 Part 2) furor when I can come to this page and win a free SAW V DVD?

And, ten hours later, I'm still the only one commenting. Hmmmm, I wonder who really wants this SAW V DVD more than anyone else...

I work at a bookstore, and across from the register counter is a small rack for current magazines. On the end of the top shelf sits the current issue of Maxim, with Megan Fox on the cover. On the shelf below is the current issue of Glamour, with Scarlett Johansson on the cover. As I stand behind the register counter, looking at these two mags, I can't help but think to myself, "Oh, to be the meat in that sandwich..."

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

Kramer, Young, Hoffman & Tuck... Sounds like the starting defensive line for an NFL team.

I hear the Nobel Prize Committee is considering giving me a Nobel Prize for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of SAW Fandom. I'm humbled and honored by this news (and I'm really looking forward to the alumni dinner with Al Gore and Barack Obama), but I'd still rather win a free SAW V DVD.

Crap! I just slipped into my TARDIS and traveled forward in time to discover that I won the SAW V DVD. But when I came back, the TARDIS landed on a butterfly. Not only am I afraid I've screwed up the timeline and cost myself a free DVD (time is, after all, a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff), but I also can't shake the nagging feeling that Ashton Kutcher is lurking somewhere nearby, ready to ruin my life as he's ruined his own career!

Just once, I wish the PC guy would kick the living shit out of Justin Long.

Uh. Time for go to work.

Lunch/dinner. Bologna & cheese, and then back to the bookstore. As the SAW haters would say, meh (to the work, not the tasty sandwich!).

Did you know a baby was miscarried here, the year before the Jigsaw murders began? His name was Gideon. My wife was working at the methadone clinic when it happened, helping drug addicts kick their habits. One of the junkies hit her in the belly with a door. He was too worried about stealing drugs to care about Jill or the baby. Gideon should have been protected! Every minute! He was... he hadn't even been born yet. We can go now, dear.

Gideon was my son, and today is his birthday! Look what you did to him! Look what you DID to him! Aaarggghhh!

One is the loneliest number.

Hello, hello, hello... is there anybody in there?

My serenade to Amanda Young: "You ask me if they'll come a time, when I'll grow tired of you. Never, my love. Never, my love." How's that for a little free Association for you?

So tired... must keep commenting... must win... SAW V DVD... Rosebud...

I believe it was my uncle Chappy Sinclair who told me, "Never say die, Iron Eagle!"

Seven days ago, DeadSeaLights wrote: "Just give it to this guy: jkrouskop". One week later, I still can't think of any good reason for you not to heed this sage (and very kind, generous, unselfish) advice.

Good morning, SAW V fans! Now that all one of us are here, we can begin the day. Perhaps we'll begin it with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive. You know, one that plays that song that's so elusive...

Any chance we'll know soon who won these DVDs? I stopped being funny days ago.

So, it's been like 48 hours since anyone else commented (and the last person to do so was the guy running the contest!). Did this contest end and I just haven't been told yet?

I still want the DVD. :D

Welcome back, Anal Yogurt! (I'm not all that thrilled to see someone else still commenting, but how often in life do you get the chance to use the phrase, "Welcome back, Anal Yogurt!"?)

Arattattattatattooey.

Trick or treaters coming soon. Must prepare candy. More later.

Ran out of candy in one hour. Guess I'm in for some tricks!

If I had my way, there'd be a SAW movie for every post I've written in this thread. Now how the hell John Kramer could have planned all of that before he died, I have no idea. Then again, I'm not sure how he planned and/or carried out everything up through SAW VI!

LOL. not very often haha lmfao. oh man i just pee'd again. gimmie gimmie gimmie - (fat kid from A League of their own.)

Dressed up as Jason Voorhees tonight to hand out candy to the kiddies. Scared the shit out of a few of them, too. All I had to do was take a few brisk steps toward them as they were coming up the driveway and it was all screams and hiding behind mommy. I did feel bad when one little girl cried, but otherwise it was good times had by all!

If I don't win one of these DVDs, I may have to saw my own foot off. Not because I need to escape a trap or anything. Just because.

So, seriously... is this contest over or what?

So, seriously... is this contest over or what?

My husband wants these so he can scare me lol

Blockbuster sucks... just thought I'd mention that.

It's a trap

I sat down at my computer, the faded keys cold and covered in a thin layer of dust and pretzel salt. My Diet Pepsi was getting warm and flat, but I gulped it down like Tera Patrick at a job interview. The heat in the room was on high, making my armpits damp and my mouth drier than a Steven Wright concert performed inside Hillary Clinton's vagina in the middle of the Mojave Desert. I clicked on Internet Explorer and found the Bloody-Disgusting.com link in my Favorites. One tap of a key and I was there. I wanted that goddamned DVD...

The place was almost empty when I got there. Oh, a few of the usual hangers-on were lurking on the comments page, and I wasn't so confident that I was ready to dismiss them as legitimate competition. But compared to the verbose crowds of a week ago, it was practically a ghost town. I felt like a Republican supporting Obama's healthcare plan - alone.

No one said anything to me when I arrived. No one said much of anything at all. Worried that I'd missed the party, I decided to give myself a little motivation. In a separate window, I opened up Amazon and did a quick search for the SAW V DVDs. The Unrated Director's Cut was an attractive little number, grey case and red letters providing nice accents for a picture of Agent Strahm violently shaking his head back and forth like a new bride at the first mention of the word "anal" on her wedding night. Not a bad catch, and any fan would be lucky to have it on his or her shelf. But that Unrated Colector's Edition... now there was the money! The stuff that dreams are made of, as a very cool dead guy once said. An actual saw blade, whirring and spinning at the push of a button! What well-adjusted fanboy wouldn't love to sit there and annoy the shot out of friends and family with that little item as he hits play for his fifth back-to-back viewing of the film? It was like having Kim Kardashian and eating her, too - without ever having to talk to her! I had to have it.

I was determined to win one or the other of the two DVDs, but how? I'd already told my sixth or seventh vulgar porn/sex joke, and even I was starting to get a little tired of that song. Jesus jokes were out, too. I didn't know that many anyway, and they didn't seem to do the last guy telling them any good. Besides, who wanted to win a SAW V DVD and get struck by lightning on the way to the mailbox to collect it?

To make matters worse, the guy handing the goodies out was nowhere to be found. My guess? He was off somewhere playing video games. That seemed to be his thing, and I couldn't begrudge him that. But I was starting to get a little antsy. I mean, how much can one guy run off at the mouth (or the fingertips, as it were) before the powers that be either gave him what he wanted or told him to shut up and get lost? I've only got so many song lyrics and mixed movie quotes in my arsenal. What was it gonna take to get this guy to give up the loot?

I decided to retire to the living room, where I could catch another viewing of SAW IV and try to come up with some new shtick. When I got back, hopefully the candy man would be ready to feed the SAW monkey on my back.

I still haven't decided how long I'm going to let this go on for

Took a piss break and stopped in to check the computer. The guy with the free swag had left a message, saying he wasn't sure how long he was going to keep me and the rest of the addicts dancing for our fix. No biggie. I can dance a long time, if not particularly well or with anything remotely resembling rhythm. Back to the movie now...

As I finished watching the movie, I started to think about Angus McFadyen in SAW III. It was pretty clear there was no way he would forgive Jigsaw, since rumor has it Tobin Bell is the one who recommended he take the role in REDLINE. That was his real test, and he obviously failed.

I went back to the computer, knowing that my little hard-boiled narrative probably wasn't going to win over a guy whose User Profile says he doesn't read. Still, you've got to go with what you know. I started commenting again, that damn DVD so close I could taste it.

I stopped off to check out the box office for SAW VI. %17.5 mil in less than one week. Low for a SAW film, true, but still well into the black. By comparison, that PG-13 STEPFATHER remake has earned just $21 mil in two weeks, and Lionsgate spent half what Screen Gems did on that movie to make SAW VI. I could hear the laughter all around - the haters laughing because they think this is the "failure" that'll bring down the franchise, while the Lionsgate execs laugh all the way to the bank. Even if it weren't already greenlit, I'd bet my FRIDAY THE 13TH DVD collection that SAW VII will see the light of day long before a new STEPFATHER 2. I smile, real big. It's always nice to win.

The hours go by slowly. I watch the clock and think, "How badly do I want this DVD?" But I already know the answer - badly enough to keep commenting for as long as it takes. Of course, I realize that posting the most comments or getting the last word in won't guarantee a win. But what have I got to lose? My stomach growls and I curse the distance between the computer and the refrigerator. The day they figure out how to let you download Doritos or a ham sandwich is the day world peace will be achieved. I pick a stale Frito up from beside the keyboard, choke it down, and press on...

It's Halloween now. For some, that means candy and kiddies. For others, it means drunken costume parties, or eggs and toilet paper on the neighbor's lawn. The brave still babysit alone. For me - for the faithful - Halloween means SAW. I didn't want this sickness. I never believed it would happen. But now I'm hooked, a die-hard who waits in line on opening day. A lunatic who annoys the piss out of everyone within earshot by talking in my half-assed Jigsaw voice all day. Few people want to play my game. Small wonder, I guess. Happy Halloween.

The Tylenol PM starts kicking in. Hard. I start to feel numb, woozy, as though I'd just been tutored in trigonometry by Paris Hilton. I notice for the first time that I changed verb tense in mid comment earlier and never went back to the past. That's what happens when you're a SAW fan - you flash back and forth between the present and the past, and it's not always clear which you're in at any given moment. I suspect Fred Krueger will be waiting for me when I get to Dreamland. But will he look like Willy the Visitor or Tanner from the BAD NEWS BEARS? Nighty-night...

This is probably gonna go on till New Years. jkrouskop and I will probably post up to 10,000 comments a piece. I just farted and it really smells like mounds candy. mmmm Happy Halloween!

I thought about what the guy said about New Years and wondered if I had it in me to keep playing the game that long. "Happy Thanksgiving, Detective Hoffman. Thanks for cutting that dude in half with a pendulum!" "Merry Christmas, Jill. Hope you like what's in the box!" "Happy New Year, Agent Strahm. You should make a resolution to follow directions better!" I thought about all that and realized that I was in for as long as it took.

Work was about as much fun as a root canal, and I felt like I'd just had one by the time I got home. All I wanted was to hit the rack and catch a few hours downtime, but the SAW V DVD beckoned. I tried to think of a joke, but the best I could come up with was that lame root canal analogy. Next to me, Detective Hoffman is a barrel of laughs.

Pinched nerves suck. Awake since 3:30AM, Urgent Care from 10AM to 1:00PM, 45 minutes for my prescription, and my fucking arm and shoulder are still killing me. (Not part of my story. 100% true.)

Pinched a loaf on space mountain made it thrilling

Hard to type with this "broken wing", but I want that DVD! So here's a joke... the Cleveland Browns. (If you've seen them play, you'll get it.)

I don't have much time....This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2009 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT WIN THESE DVDS. Something... happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT WIN THESE DVDS. I don't have much time. This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be--

This just in. This just in. For those still paying attention, we are getting more SAW goodies. We don't know what yet, but it IS happening. Keep those comments coming.

SAW swag windfall, eh? Fantastic!

Hey, kids! It's time for Mark Harmon Facts! Mark Harmon played serial killer Ted Bundy in a critically acclaimed TV movie. Mark Harmon stars in TV's current #1 show, NCIS. Mark Harmon is FAMILY GUY's Peter Griffin's favorite actor. Mark Harmon is the brother of actress Angie Harmon, star of LAW & ORDER and BAYWATCH NIGHTS. Mark Harmon has never been in a SAW film. More on Mark Harmon to come...

Great Mark Harmon Quote #1... GIBBS: You two done playin' grabass?

Great Mark Harmon Quote #2... MR. SHOOP: These kids are as smart as you and me. PRINCIPAL: It's you and I. MR. SHOOP: All of us.

In Mark Harmon's finest pre-NCIS performance, he plays gym teacher and reluctant summer school instructor, Mr. Shoop in 187's SUMMER SCHOOL. That film also featured footage from the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, since two of the students professed to be avid fans of this horror classic. However, "Chainsaw" (Dean Cameron) and Dave (Gary Riley) are full of crap, since they incorrectly state that TCM was released in 1975, rather than 1974. Sadly, Mr. Shoop does not correct this mistake. Also worthy of note... SUMMER SCHOOL features hotty Fabiana Udenio, who would go on to appear in BRIDE OF REANIMATOR, ROBOCOP 2, and the first AUSTIN POWERS film. Most importantly, though, SUMMER SCHOOL features Shawnee Smith, who plays Jigsaw apprentice Amanda Young in the SAW films. It is unknown whether Miss Smith has ever tried to talk Mark Harmon into appearing in a SAW movie.

I want more sawgasms. What kind of saw goodies. :)

Daylight savings time can sniff my butthole. Today has been so slow. D:

a plane is going down and the pilot runs into the cabin and asks "does anyone believe in the power of faith?!" sure enough the priest hand shoots right up and the pilot says "great, we're one parachute short."

a man walks into a bar crying and with his clothes torn up. so his mate says "geeze whats happened?" and the man replies "my mother in law just died" so his mate asks "but why are your clothes torn up?" to which he says "she put up one heck of a fight"

i love the movie series and i would love to win for my grampa. he recently passed it was quite and painful. but not for the other 3 people screaming and shouting in the car at the time.

i will eat a whole lemon for the movie.

please can i have the movie?

I'll share my juice box and give you a cookie

Woke up this morning, feelin' fine! Had a SAW V DVD on my mind! I want to win the damn thing, and I think that I should! 'Cause when I watch SAW I'm into somethin' good!

Are you suffering from a foot or ankle injury? Tired of ankle pain when you walk? Sick of the sound of crunching bone every time you set your foot down? Then try the amazing, all-new Matthews Ankle Brace! Here to tell you all about it is the man himself, Detective Eric Matthews: "When that druggie bitch forced me to break my own foot, I was in agonizing pain. But thanks to my patented Matthews Ankle Brace, I was able to overcome my pain long enough to have my head crushed by two giant ice cubes. It's like some old friends of mine used to say, hang tough... with the Matthews Ankle Brace!" If the Matthews Ankle Brace is good enough for a sadistic cop and deadbeat father like Eric Matthews, think what it can do for you! But wait, there's more! If you buy now, you'll also receive this lovely key which doesn't open any lock youy can find, this beautiful pig mask, a year's supply of chloroform, and a minicassette player complete with a cassette featuring a personalized message from Jigsaw himself! That's a $415 bargain, yours for the low, low price of one pound of flesh! But hurry and order now, while supplies last! Just send your pound of flesh to: Kramer Engineering, c/o Mark Hoffman, 5555 Gideon Way, Los Angeles, CA 92016. We repeat, this is a limited time offer, so make your choice!

Taco Tuesday, anom nom nom nom

V begins tonight! Finally, a new TV show I can get excited about!

Things That Suck Almost As Much As Not Winning A SAW V DVD: Commercials with former tennis great John McEnroe yelling "You cannot be serious!" at people. McEnroe's whining and crying wasn't funny when he played, and it's even less funny now.

Things That Suck Almost As Much As Not Winning A SAW V DVD: Nickelback.

Things That Suck Almost As Much As Not Winning A SAW V DVD: Mac Commercials.

Things That Suck More Than Mac Commercials: Olive Garden commercials.

Things That Suck Almost As Much As Not Winning A SAW V DVD: Having to work at 8AM tomorrow.

Things That Suck Almost As Much As Not Winning A SAW V DVD: People who keep posting the same joke over and over again.

Nickelback pisses me off so bad

this group of guys are out having a war re-enactment but they're one gun short so they give bobby a stick and say "we told everyone that we're one gun short. so if you say BANG people will know you shot them." bobby thinking this is stupid finds an enemy so he yells "bang" and the man falls over. bobby now getting in the spirit is running around BANG! BANG!.... BANG! until he comes to a road and sees a guy slowly making his way down the road so bobby shouts "BANG!" but nothing happens. so another "BANG!" still nothing as the man approaches BANG BANG BANG!! he yells at him... still nothing so the man pushes bobby over and walks across the top of him and says "tank tank tank"

I'll still share my juice with you

Time for go to work.

There was a time when the pieces fit...

You think it's the living who have the ultimate judgment over you, because the dead have no claim over your soul. But you may be mistaken.

Most people are so ungrateful to be alive, but not you. Not any more...

i'll share my juice with you

A wise man once said, "Tickle him there and I'll get the lizard."

I have come here to say stupid shit and win a SAW V DVD... and I'm all out of stupid shit. (Well, almost.)

Glade scented candles.

Remember being in school and you had to take a dump. Worst feeling ever. Never wanted to use those nasty toilets in a school, people would end up taking a dump on the floor. Felt sorry for janitors sometimes.

I went to the Pre-ejaculation Clinic today. The problem was that when I got there everyone was gone. I guess I came early.

There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it. After they rub it a genie pops out and says each one has one wish. The first man wishes he was at home making love to his wife. POOF, he's gone The second man wishes that he was at his favorite strip club, drinking a beer with his friends. POOF, he's gone. The third man doesn't know what to do, so he thinks for a minute and says, "hmm, you know i really wish those two were back here to help me make my descision."

There was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed. So he went to the doctor and was told he should please himself before having sex and he would last longer. One day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. On his way home, he remembers what the doctor said and decides to jerk it before he gets home. He thinks, "Well, I can't do it in the car, but if I get under it I can pretend I'm fixing my car." So he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts jerkin it. A few minutes later, there's a tug at his pants leg. In order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes, but just hollars, "Yeah?" "I'm Officer Brown. What are you doing down there?" "Well, officer, I'm checking my axle; I think it's come lose." "Well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's 2 blocks down the road crashed into a tree."

Two words... vagina boob.

I don't know, Chodoboy. It's all Greek to me!

This is the day the Teddy Bears fly to Venus!

"Give them to me now"

I like juice

Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot!

A dirty joke for a Friday morning... A guy walks into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask and waving a gun. He goes to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, there's no money here. It's just a sperm bank!" The man replies "I don't care, open it now!" So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" She looks at him and says, "But they're sperm samples. I don't see..." The man shouts "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there," the man says, pointing to another sample, "Drink that one, too!" So the nurse drinks that one as well. The man forces her to drink two more samples. Finally, after four samples, the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Umbrella Healthcare - Coverage You Can Believe In!

We are of peace, always.

Peach Snapple is pure bliss. So delicious.

This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my Allison Hannigan.

holy fuck salt this contest will never end

oh and by the way: jkrouskop STOP POSTING YOU ALREADY WON A DVD YOU SILLY FUCKER. IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY TAKEN THE TIME TO READ THE POSTS INSTEAD OF POSTING SOMETHING EVERY 10 MINUTES FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN YOU ALREADY GOT SELECTED FOR BEING A TITTYFIEND.

Actually, schizophrenic-kyle, I haven't won a DVD yet. If you'd read the post you're referring to, you'd know BurnTheBlueSky was just joking when he did that Kanye bit. So kindly climb up off my nuts. Thanks! (Look at that. I told you off without USING A BUNCH OF GODDAMN CAPITAL LETTERS TO SHOW HOW MUCH YOU WERE PISSING ME OFF!)

So, to clarify, I'll keep posting until the contest officially ends, or until the man running the show tells me to lay off. Again, thanks!

LOL

This contest may go on longer than the SAW franchise itself!

I hope not. :(

Just slept for almost 16 hours.

"So climb up off my nuts" hahahaha. Also, the other prizes include a SAW VI XL T-Shirt, so who would rather have that over a dvd? And for the love of god don't say you want the t-shirt if it doesn't fit you, you'll look like an asshole wearing it. And the final prize is a Saw VI poster/syringe pen/and candy sucker. Start begging!

I'm thankful for anything SAW-related, but I have to say I'd prefer a DVD. XL is one wash away from too tight for my beer gut, and of the poster/pen/sucker combo, only the poster would likely get any use in my house. The pen would get lost, and the sucker would just sit there until someone got around to throwing it away! But hey, a win is a win, no matter what...

I want the fancy box DVD :) and Left 4 Dead 2 oh and Modern Warfare 2 k thx.

Drugs are bad. Don't do drugs, mkay.

Modern Warfare 2 is just wow. I can't explain it.

Man, I hope this contest ends soon... and with good news. I could sure as hell use some good news this week!

I've decided to write my autobiography. The title will be ALL THIS ANGER IS PISSING ME OFF, and it will be dedicated to all the SAW haters. I'm also planning on writing a special chapter on this contest, which will be entitled SCHIZOPHRENIA, ANAL YOGURT & MY NUTS: THE QUEST FOR SAW V (or HOW I WAS NOT RAPED BY ANYTHING OR ANYONE AS AN INFANT).

You will believe a man can fly.

In-N-Out is delicious.

A few of us have commented on how long this contest has gone on, but we're looking at it all wrong. People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

Still haven't given up on wiining one of these DVDs. Yeah, SAW VI is already nearing the end of its theatrical run. Yeah, Halloween is long past and horror is starting to take a backseat to holiday films. Yeah, about four of us still give a damn. But I'm still here, still commenting, still not letting the lack of updates dissuade me...

Greg Louganis

Okay, Anal Yogurt. I have to concede that your last post was far and away the most random comment made in this entire contest. Kudos for your spectacular obscurity!

Soon, friends. Soon, I will have the winners. Some one give me a reason to give them the XL sized saw shirt

As noted, an XL shirt might be pushing it for me. However, if you give me a DVD AND the t-shirt, I could probably get away with wearing it around the house for my SAW I-V marathon!

Honestly, what we need is a really hot female SAW fan with big... ahem, talents to step up and volunteer to post a pic of herself in the shirt if she wins it. That would bring this contest to a happy ending for all of us.

Fish & Chips

If you give me the t-shirt, I'll get myself in a little better shape and wear it proudly, knowing that a couple other true fans are enjoying the DVDs.

lol an XL t-shirt would be way too big on me now. I've lost a lot of weight since April. In the best shape of my life. Whoooooooooooooooooooo! Terry Funk

Haha ok ok, I've let this go way too long, Anal Yogurt and jkrouskop P.M. me your address's.

You know, I suddenly feel so grateful to be alive. It's like, all of a sudden, I understand how I've taken my life for granted up to this point, and never stopped to realize just how good I have things. BurnTheBlueSky, I think you helped me!:)

I just found out I don't have a left arm.

Did you get the PM, BurnTheBlueSky? Also, will we know what we've won before the mailman shows up?