I poop on this movie. I defecate all over it with big smiles while pissing in the wind, because that's what we're all doing anyway, just pissing in the wind. Principal photography has just wrapped, we can’t stop it, God, Jay-zus help us please. Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy. What’s next, Michael worships Satan. Michael *Gasps* is Satan. Judging by the shot of the Myers Tombstone alone, this film will have a cartoony feel anyway. I don’t know why, but that’s the impression I have. Ack, sensory overload. Obviously, there are more than just two opposing sides to this issue. You have your diehard fans of the original; your diehard Rob Zombie fans; you have those who like both Rob and the original Halloween; you have those who love Rob but don't like the original (you know who you are); and you have those newbies who'd probably never even seen the fucking original, but LOVE the Robmeister so his take has to be good, right? Nope. Rob's name doesn't mean shit on a stick. I piss on this film. HaHaHaHaHaHa... Seriously though, hypothetically, what if…and I mean that’s a mighty huge IF…it’s good? Will I come back and eat my words? No. I stand by my views. Don’t remake a classic. Don’t re-imagine a character like Michael Myers or Dr. Loomis. Why? Michael doesn’t have emotions and Dr. Loomis is dead.
Rob’s trying to give Mikey some depth; my stomach churns to this day when Myers sheds a tear as he is about to kill his young niece in Halloween 5. Thank god he snapped out of it. You see, children, Michael, the character that has evolved from the original, is not supposed to have any regret, love, or remorse, because, as in the original, in Dr. Loomis’s assessment, there wasn’t anything even remotely human about Myers. He’s like a machine in his demeanor. Living, breathing evil. He’s unreasonable. He doesn’t have to fly into fits of rage, though we did see a little bit of that in Halloween 5 (which introduced the man in black with the Thorn tattoo, so it was straying from the meaning of Halloween anyway). What is the meaning you ask? Simplicity. Bad guy in creepy mask stalks babysitters because he likes putting large kitchen knives through pretty girls. I got that when I was eight. Nobody, and I mean nobody would have read too much into it had there not been any other sequels, period. But since they began to develop a back-story for the characters and even Myers, we, as fans of the original, who love our boy The Shape, bought into it. But I’m not buying into this remake crap. So now I’m gonna log off and go watch the original Halloween on mute while listening to The Devil’s Rejects soundtrack, just to punish myself for even giving a shit in the first place…BOO-YAH!