Ahhhh the entertainment industry, don't you love it? You never know what's real, what's fake, who's lying, who's honest or who's completely off their rocker. Today we received an e-mail from a regular B-D reader who claims to have attended a trade screening for New Line Cinema's Snakes on a Plane (official review). The film is not being screened for critics, but there are trade screenings before the film is released, so the question still can be asked - is this a planted review by the studio? Maybe... but in the end does it even matter? We're all going to see the movie next Friday anyways. Read on for the review...
B-D reader 'Shutterghost' writes in:
I attended a trade screening recently. I wrote a review for my entertainment newsletter. I thought you might be interested in an early look.
A film critic’s opinion about a movie called “Snakes on a Plane” amounts to jack diddley squat. If you heard the title and said to yourself, “I’m not sitting through that,” then nothing we say can motivate you. If you heard it and immediately couldn’t wait for it to gets its fangs in you (sorry, had to do it), then this review is pointless as well. Sounds like there is really no reason to review it, right? That’s probably one of the reasons the studio isn’t screening it for critics. Fortunately, I was able to sneak a peak at it and give you a pointless review.
Actually, it isn’t entirely fruitless. There happens to be a small group of people who are on the fence. Is it going to be “so bad it’s good,” “B level entertainment” or is it going to be a fun, entertaining piece of escapism? Well, I belonged to this small group. When I first heard the idea, I thought the executives at New Line (the production company responsible) had lost their flipping mind. However, I then read about the film’s initial pitch to the studio. This how the pitch went, “What are Americans mostly afraid of? Flying. What’s the second thing that scares people? Snakes. I have an idea. Why don’t we unleash a bunch of snakes in a plane flying over an ocean?” When I read that I realized that the idea was actually somewhat brilliant and when they decided to keep the name of Snakes on a Plane, I was hooked. It was a win-win situation for me-if it’s horrible, it’ll be hilarious and if it is campy and self-aware, I’ll love it.
It was campy and self-aware. I feel silly telling you the plot, because it is quite self-explanatory, but here it goes. An FBI agent is escorting a young man who witnessed a murder, from Hawaii to L.A to testify. The people who want this man dead have failed, so they come up with an idea to fill a crate with hundreds of deadly snakes, place it on a plane, and let the snakes do the killing for them. That’s it. They took that idea, (in my opinion) sat around, and went through what people might do in real life if this were to happen. They really had to think it through, because just about everything that the passengers do is pretty much how people would react. The way they defend themselves against the snakes is what I would do.
There is nothing to spoil, but what makes this such an experience is watching all the pieces fall, so I’ll let you discover them for yourself. Some of them are predictable and some of them are not. The snakes’ first victims are a couple about to enter the mile high club, smoking a joint, and disabling a fire alarm!(sex, drugs, and ignoring safety always gets you killed in horror movies). This is a clear-cut statement that what you are watching is going to be, in essence, a slasher film with snakes, so as with all slasher films you don’t want to reveal how someone dies-that’s the whole point of sitting through it.
Another part of that pitch mentioned earlier could’ve gone something like this “How about a horror, comedy, action flick with a little romance in it.” That is what it delivers. I was scared, I busted a gut laughing, and was genuinely thrilled by the action pieces. The film’s initial rating was PG-13, but they made a great decision to reshoot certain sequences and place some great F-bombs to make sure the audience knew exactly what they were getting into. The anaconda eating the giant typical prick was great. Not only does he get swallowed and is slowly being digested, but the snake with it’s stomach full of prick, gets thrown out of the plane and plummets thousands of feet to it’s death. Now that’s how to kill an unlikeable character.
My only gripe is that it takes a half an hour for the snakes to be released, but when they do, Snakes does the job it intended to do.
For all of you out there (I do it too, sometimes), who skip to the end of a review to know if the writer liked it or not (my feelings aren’t hurt, reviewers can be a bit wordy) here it is in a sentence or two (and I’m not wording it like this to get on a poster)- It is the most entertaining movie of the summer. This movie knew what it was and wasn’t afraid to show it. Does it have ridiculously stupid parts in it? Yes. Did that make it all the more enjoyable? Absolutely! There are great one-liners and imaginative death scenes, as well as “Oh no! They did not just do that!” moments. This movie makes for a good relief from a movie like World Trade Center. In fact, if you decide to check out WTC, then make it a double-bill. See Snakes right after and it could very well be one of the best movie experiences you’d had all year.
A film critic’s opinion about a movie called “Snakes on a Plane” amounts to jack diddley squat. If you heard the title and said to yourself, “I’m not sitting through that,” then nothing we say can motivate you. If you heard it and immediately couldn’t wait for it to gets its fangs in you (sorry, had to do it), then this review is pointless as well. Sounds like there is really no reason to review it, right? That’s probably one of the reasons the studio isn’t screening it for critics. Fortunately, I was able to sneak a peak at it and give you a pointless review. 
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