Monday, February 13, 2006
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Today we received a reader review from a test screening for Nick Mastandrea's The Breed, which was produced by Wes Craven. The review is extremely negative, but things could change after a few cuts, reshoots and what not. The film tells of two brothers, one a highly athletic daredevil and the other a much more serious and sensitive type, who in the midst of trying to patch up their wonky relationship - on a getaway at their Uncle's house - are forced to flee a pack of vicious killer dogs - the titular 'Breed'. Read on for the review...
Last night I was at a test screening of this brand new, Wes Craven-produced, teen horror movie The Breed. The director, Nicholas Mastandrea who previously worked as a first assistant director to Wes Craven and George Romero was there and he seemed like a nice guy. Apparently the movie is playing in Berlin right now looking for distribution but if this movie doesn't go straight to video, I will be very surprised. It was a free screening, and you get what you pay for.
The movie is a wreck, a drinking game at best - drink whenever something lame happens. Check out this premise - five middle class teenagers, two white guys, one white girl (from the band Boomkat and the movie Crossroads,) Michelle Rodriguez, and a black dude (guess who's gonna die first) fly to a cabin on a deserted island to party (like all teenagers do since Friday the 13th) but alas they are hounded (pun intended) by a gang of vicious, mutant, killer dogs (that look by the way just like regular, nice dogs.) It is ridiculous and unintentionally hilarious. Just imagine a Conan O’Brien skit about a sequel to Birds, called Dogs and you'll get the idea. Oh yea and the dogs have super rabies, or something but that plotline doesn't go anywhere. Just when you think somebody might turn into a were-dog or at least go rabid... they don't... nothing... just lameness.
The director said he wanted to make sure we got to know the characters before any of them die. Through a bunch of dialogue so bad that it didn't make it on to Dawson's Creek we find out that the two white brothers have a fractured relationship cause one of them has always been the bad, rebellious type while the other has always been the straight shooter. Damn I really wish these characters were dismembered (but they aren't.) Anyway the bad kid gets to redeem himself... thank God there's always something like a gang of mutant dogs to bring families together. And the lovely Michelle Rodriguez really sucks hard in this piece of **** too... my favorite line from her is when she empathetically says to her boyfriend – “What's wrong” right after two of their friends have been killed right in front of them and he's been infected with super rabies... lady where have you been? (Unfortunately she doesn't get dismembered either.)
The whole experience made me sad because this piece of crap cost at least a few million bucks to make, and like I said the director seemed like a nice guy but he lacked the passion for horror. This was not self aware, and ironic like Cabin Fever. It was not trying to be different or better. It was another expensive and enthusiastic leap in to mediocrity. And that is sad because there are so many young passionate kids out there who want to contribute something to film and to horror, but the money goes to The Breed instead.
There was no gore, just a little blood, and there was no nudity. There is a little CGI - green harnesses were removed from dogs and CG dogs were run over. The orchestra scare shots were way over the top, completely annoying and not at all scary. I won't even get in to the plot logic holes because there are too many. Oh yea, and as the end credits roll, they play a heavy-metal cover of “Who Let the Dogs Out?” I am not kidding. If you like watching footage of attack dogs, want practice your Mystery Science Theatre or make up some drinking games check it out.
-Adam Brooks
www.adambrooks.net
(the videos on my site were made for no money)
Source: Adam Brooks
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