Editorials
Fear File #2: Caution: Artists at Work – Alex Pardee!
It was love at first sight. My heart went a flutter. My breath became quick and rigid. I froze, I literally froze. It feels like only yesterday that I fell in love with Alex Pardee. Not the man (though he is a handsome devil) but the artistry. The vivid colors and nightmarish complexities that come to life in Alex’s artwork are horrifyingly beautiful. They ooze with passion and mayhem- the thing that drew me to him in the first place. Coming off of a number of career successes, including the opening of his new gallery show Vertigo this Saturday, I thought what better way to start off the new year than with a Fear File dedicated to this man, this legend, and my favorite Tweeter.
CAUTION: ARTIST AT WORK
FEAR FILES WITH ANDREA ALBIN
Fear file #2- ARTIST ALEX PARDEE
The Legend- @alexpardee
Following Alex Pardee on Twitter is an adventure in itself. If you’re one of his 20,000 plus followers, you know exactly what I mean. Like me, he’s an insomniac on a mission, and Twitter serves as his caffeine. “Twitter is like my favorite hobby. When there is no one to complain about random things to [sitting] on my couch, why not get the rest of the Internet to rally behind you in the middle of the night by saying things like FUCK WATERMELONS, CANTELOUPES RULE THE SCHOOL and then like ten people agree and I feel awesome. Well, I mean, kind of awesome. As awesome as one can feel on Twitter at 3am.” But when it comes down to it, the world worships the ground this man walks on, not just for his side ache inducing one-liners, but for his work; his art. “I am very lucky and can confidently say that art is my life. I do art for a living and so, therefore, I LIKE my job [and] I just do it all day.”
Alex’s one-of-a-kind style is brilliant- and I’m not just saying that because I’m fan. I’m saying that because I appreciate art- especially the kind of art you’d be more likely to see in a nightmare than a dream come true. Everything from his monsters, to the one of a kind poster he created for the Inglorious Basterds charity event, no two pieces are alike- and each one provokes thought in such a way that it sends you down a tunnel of eye gauging brilliance.
College, Comic Books and Creating- OH MY!
“I’m pretty much influenced by almost everything. I’m a sensory overload addict.”
Alex’s creative mind is hard to rival. He’s all over the place- but in a good way. “I always had a hard time really deciding what, if any, specific direction that I want to go in because I simply like creating.” At one time, he considered film school, but eventually was drawn to the world of comics. “The thought of collaborating with people scared me at the time. So I kind of gravitated toward more private art, like holing myself up in my room after work and school and just scribbling or writing with no intention of anyone seeing anything.” Fortunately, his mates convinced him that his talent belonged out in the world, not hiding behind a closed door. “I didn’t want to associate myself with my art because of fear, so I did it all under really retarded juvenile pen names, like Yulick Balls, and Dump Honorchest. Eventually my close friends did talk me into taking comic book publishing a bit more serious, so I started a publishing company in the mid 90’s called Eyesuck Ink. That was where I just tried to learn and evolve and try to find any kind of angle where I could make a living doing any kind of art.” And that he did, by drawing comics and self promoting, all the while working at a toy store and going to school. The money he was making during the time went back into art conventions, supplies, printing, but eventually what I like to call `Alex fever’ caught on. “I just took a leap of faith and quit everything else in my life back in 2000 and just said to myself that I am going to somehow make a living creating art.”
The most familiar of Alex’s projects are the album covers he has created for rock band THE USED, in addition to apparel design, a little bit of animation, and some mural work. His vision has also graduated from a self-managed comic book endeavor to eclectic art and clothing company Zerofriends. “I always have yummy stuff going on. I don’t handle days off too well, so I don’t take them. I just like making monsters.”
More recently, Alex has been involved with the film SUCKER PUNCH, which hits theaters this March. Originally, he was brought on to design then non-existent promotional art for Comic Con, but it became more than just a fly by night project. “Working on [the movie] was seriously the highlight of my life. Might be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I was a HUGE fan of the DAWN remake as well as WATCHMEN, so to get an opportunity to collaborate with Zack Snyder was unreal. His work ethic and creative passion, as well as his entire team of madmen, makes me feel like I don’t nearly work as hard.” Their collaboration pushed Alex to new levels of euphoria as he designed everything from guns and swords, to some sets, to a lot of props for what looks like one of the most visually stunning films of 2011. “It was overwhelming in the best way possible.” Even one of Alex’s famed characters, the timeless Bunnywith, makes his presence known. “Seeing [that] face plastered on a 30 foot tall Mech Suit will forever be the coolest single moment of my life.”
Don’t Ask About The Grizzly…
I’ve done dozens of interviews for Bloody-Disgusting since hopping on board in August of 2010, but it was Alex’s that made me laugh out loud. Even when avoiding a question (or two) he could easily rival Dane Cook in comedic appeal. Just ask him to tell you about himself, the man behind the artwork. “To be honest, there isn’t really a man behind any of my artwork. I used to play around in radioactive forests up in Northern California when I was younger and I rescued this tiny grizzly bear cub that had lost all of his skin. We grew up together and it turned out that he was a hell of an artist. So from that moment on I kept him hostage and forced him to draw weird shit that I could take credit for. There was a movie made about it with Rocky’s wife called THE PROPHECY I think, but it was pretty embellished.”
True story.
Alex has used his artwork to battle personal struggles, and isn’t afraid to admit doing so. “I still use art as a way to escape having to interact socially a lot because I’m still apprehensive toward normality. I mean, I’m lucky because I get to travel a lot for work so I’m kind of forced to be social, but I haven’t figured that part out too much yet. I just like making things.”
I have a lot of respect for Alex. He’s committed to himself and his craft, he has a deep love of horror (basically 80’s slashers and anything with the word `creep’ in its title), and he still manages to contribute a lot to his favorite charities, most recently portrait photographer Clay Enos’ charity coffee organization OrganicCoffee.com. The company sells rare, imported coffees and donates all of the money to multiple non-profits. “He’s like Robin Hood on a Vespa. He’s amazing.”
I can tell by the few conversations I’ve now had with Alex (and the night we stalked each other on Twitter) that he’s an all around nice guy that’s blessed the world with his talent and kindness. If only the rest of us could be so lucky.
Vertigo
I can’t talk about this man without plugging his latest endeavor, VERTIGO, a gallery exhibit which will be opening at the Corey Helford Gallery in Culver City, CA THIS Saturday and showing through January 26th. “I’m a HUGE fan of the Disneyland experience. I think Disneyland is a perfect parallel to how I want people to view `VERTIGO.’ Sure, when you go to Disneyland, the rides themselves are the main attraction, and as stand-alone attractions, they are incredible. But while standing in line for each ride, if you look around, there is an opportunity to get fully immersed in each one of the rides. There are props, videos and little stories about the history of the `world’ you are about to enter. Once you are done with the ride, you have a chance to go back and re-experience that ride, each time taking in a few more pieces of the bonus content, hopefully sparking your imagination and allowing you to temporarily live in that world. I’m presenting `VERTIGO’ with the same spirit. The main attractions are going to be the paintings, as I am a visual artist before anything else. However, once you experience these paintings, or while you are waiting in line, or if you go back to view them a second time, you will have the opportunity, through displayed props, stories and additional artifacts- to immerse yourself in this new world inspired by this famous guy named Verti Parker and his adventures in hunting and killing physical manifestations of popular nightmares.”
In addition to the gallery showing, Alex has revealed a ten part `origin’ story about Verti Parker on the website www.vertiparker.com
The show is already proving to be an impressive feat for Alex, who has put six months of his life into creating the show. Asking him how excited he was proved to be another pain inducing fit of laughter. “I actually peed in my pants for the 6th time tonight RIGHT as I got this question. And the only thing on my mind is `FUCK, this clothespin I’m wearing is useless.”
The Future
I asked Alex where he sees himself in ten years. As an artistic saga? Perhaps the leader of a small country? He answered with, quite possibly, one of the most simple and yet informative quotes I’ve ever gotten: “I see myself in the year 2021. Unless time travel is possible by then. Then I see myself traveling back in time to answer this question with way more conviction.”
I still can’t get over the fact that I was able to connect with my favorite artist- the guy who draws blood covered Smurfs and whimsical monsters that would crush a Transformer. If I can’t convince you that someone like Alex makes the world go round, gives us a reason to live vicariously through creation, and that beautiful, and sometimes maniacal, gems are what we need to give us a boost, then I haven’t done my job. But at least you got to see some pretty cool stuff by a pretty cool guy.
SHOW ANDREA SOME LOVE ON HER BLOG: THE ALBIN WAY! (andreaalbin.blogspot.com)
ZEROFRIENDS Store (www.zerofriends.com)
ALEX’S AMAZING BLOG (www.eyesuckink.blogspot.com/)
THE COREY HELFORD GALLERY (www.coreyhelfordgallery.com)
Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”
A bizarre recurring issue with the Amityville “franchise” is that the films tend to be needlessly complicated. Back in the day, the first sequels moved away from the original film’s religious-themed haunted house storyline in favor of streamlined, easily digestible concepts such as “haunted lamp” or “haunted mirror.”
As the budgets plummeted and indie filmmakers capitalized on the brand’s notoriety, it seems the wrong lessons were learned. Runtimes have ballooned past the 90-minute mark and the narratives are often saggy and unfocused.
Both issues are clearly on display in Amityville Karen (2022), a film that starts off rough, but promising, and ends with a confused whimper.
The promise is embodied by the tinge of self-awareness in Julie Anne Prescott (The Amityville Harvest)’s screenplay, namely the nods to John Waters’ classic 1994 satire, Serial Mom. In that film, Beverly Sutphin (an iconic Kathleen Turner) is a bored, white suburban woman who punished individuals who didn’t adhere to her rigid definition of social norms. What is “Karen” but a contemporary equivalent?
In director/actor Shawn C. Phillips’ film, Karen (Lauren Francesca) is perpetually outraged. In her introductory scenes, she makes derogatory comments about immigrants, calls a female neighbor a whore, and nearly runs over a family blocking her driveway. She’s a broad, albeit familiar persona; in many ways, she’s less of a character than a caricature (the living embodiment of the name/meme).
These early scenes also establish a fairly straightforward plot. Karen is a code enforcement officer with plans to shut down a local winery she has deemed disgusting. They’re preparing for a big wine tasting event, which Karen plans to ruin, but when she steals a bottle of cursed Amityville wine, it activates her murderous rage and goes on a killing spree.
Simple enough, right?
Unfortunately, Amityville Karen spins out of control almost immediately. At nearly every opportunity, Prescott’s screenplay eschews narrative cohesion and simplicity in favour of overly complicated developments and extraneous characters.
Take, for example, the wine tasting event. The film spends an entire day at the winery: first during the day as a band plays, then at a beer tasting (???) that night. Neither of these events are the much touted wine-tasting, however; that is actually a private party happening later at server Troy (James Duval)’s house.
Weirdly though, following Troy’s death, the party’s location is inexplicably moved to Karen’s house for the climax of the film, but the whole event plays like an afterthought and features a litany of characters we have never met before.
This is a recurring issue throughout Amityville Karen, which frequently introduces random characters for a scene or two. Karen is typically absent from these scenes, which makes them feel superfluous and unimportant. When the actress is on screen, the film has an anchor and a narrative drive. The scenes without her, on the other hand, feel bloated and directionless (blame editor Will Collazo Jr., who allows these moments to play out interminably).
Compounding the issue is that the majority of the actors are non-professionals and these scenes play like poorly performed improv. The result is long, dull stretches that features bad actors talking over each other, repeating the same dialogue, and generally doing nothing to advance the narrative or develop the characters.
While Karen is one-note and histrionic throughout the film, at least there’s a game willingness to Francesca’s performance. It feels appropriately campy, though as the film progresses, it becomes less and less clear if Amityville Karen is actually in on the joke.
Like Amityville Cop before it, there are legit moments of self-awareness (the Serial Mom references), but it’s never certain how much of this is intentional. Take, for example, Karen’s glaringly obvious wig: it unconvincingly fails to conceal Francesca’s dark hair in the back, but is that on purpose or is it a technical error?
Ultimately there’s very little to recommend about Amityville Karen. Despite the game performance by its lead and the gentle homages to Serial Mom’s prank call and white shoes after Labor Day jokes, the never-ending improv scenes by non-professional actors, the bloated screenplay, and the jittery direction by Phillips doom the production.
Clocking in at an insufferable 100 minutes, Amityville Karen ranks among the worst of the “franchise,” coming in just above Phillips’ other entry, Amityville Hex.
The Amityville IP Awards go to…
- Favorite Subplot: In the afternoon event, there’s a self-proclaimed “hot boy summer” band consisting of burly, bare-chested men who play instruments that don’t make sound (for real, there’s no audio of their music). There’s also a scheming manager who is skimming money off the top, but that’s not as funny.
- Least Favorite Subplot: For reasons that don’t make any sense, the winery is also hosting a beer tasting which means there are multiple scenes of bartender Alex (Phillips) hoping to bring in women, mistakenly conflating a pint of beer with a “flight,” and goading never before seen characters to chug. One of them describes the beer as such: “It looks like a vampire menstruating in a cup” (it’s a gold-colored IPA for the record, so…no).
- Amityville Connection: The rationale for Karen’s killing spree is attributed to Amityville wine, whose crop was planted on cursed land. This is explained by vino groupie Annie (Jennifer Nangle) to band groupie Bianca (Lilith Stabs). It’s a lot of nonsense, but it is kind of fun when Annie claims to “taste the damnation in every sip.”
- Neverending Story: The film ends with an exhaustive FIVE MINUTE montage of Phillips’ friends posing as reporters in front of terrible green screen discussing the “killer Karen” story. My kingdom for Amityville’s regular reporter Peter Sommers (John R. Walker) to return!
- Best Line 1: Winery owner Dallas (Derek K. Long), describing Karen: “She’s like a walking constipation with a hemorrhoid”
- Best Line 2: Karen, when a half-naked, bleeding woman emerges from her closet: “Is this a dream? This dream is offensive! Stop being naked!”
- Best Line 3: Troy, upset that Karen may cancel the wine tasting at his house: “I sanded that deck for days. You don’t just sand a deck for days and then let someone shit on it!”
- Worst Death: Karen kills a Pool Boy (Dustin Clingan) after pushing his head under water for literally 1 second, then screeches “This is for putting leaves on my plants!”
- Least Clear Death(s): The bodies of a phone salesman and a barista are seen in Karen’s closet and bathroom, though how she killed them are completely unclear
- Best Death: Troy is stabbed in the back of the neck with a bottle opener, which Karen proceeds to crank
- Wannabe Lynch: After drinking the wine, Karen is confronted in her home by Barnaby (Carl Solomon) who makes her sign a crude, hand drawn blood contract and informs her that her belly is “pregnant from the juices of his grapes.” Phillips films Barnaby like a cross between the unhoused man in Mulholland Drive and the Mystery Man in Lost Highway. It’s interesting, even if the character makes absolutely no sense.
- Single Image Summary: At one point, a random man emerges from the shower in a towel and excitedly poops himself. This sequence perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching Amityville Karen.
- Pray for Joe: Many of these folks will be back in Amityville Shark House and Amityville Webcam, so we’re not out of the woods yet…
Next time: let’s hope Christmas comes early with 2022’s Amityville Christmas Vacation. It was the winner of Fangoria’s Best Amityville award, after all!
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