The last time we did a casting call, for the Platinum Dunes remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, rumors of our choices being approached for real (Jackie Earl Haley) actually started brewing on the web. While we didn’t start the rumors, we’re glad to see our choices got somebody going. We can only hope for half as much free press as we take a crack at another remake of an ‘80s horror classic, Hellraiser. The remake currently being scripted by Pascal Laugier (Martyrs) and Clive Barker recently told us Laugier plans to turn a draft in over the next week. Casting won’t be far behind, so just in case they need a hand, here’s who we’d pick.
PINHEAD
Michael Shannon
You might not know the name, but one viewing of BUG or REVOLUTIONARY ROAD should have you convinced. Shannon is a terrific actor and there aren’t many others who can pull of his level of fearsome intensity more convincingly. Just watch some of Shannon’s work and then picture his piercing eyes as he stares into your soul and warns, “No tears, please. It’s a waste of good suffering.”
alternate: Hugo Weaving
JULIA
Linda Fiorentino
Kevin Smith broke the news that the reason Fiorentino is so good at playing a bitch is because she has natural abilities in that area. Nevertheless, there’s nothing wrong with typecasting if it works. Fiorentino is the perfect wicked witch, although she’s kind of gone off the radar for the past decade so we might want to see how she’s kept herself up before deciding for sure.
alternate: Lauren Graham
KIRSTY
Megan Fox
Is there really any part the ridiculously sexy Megan Fox is wrong for? Yeah, she might not be the greatest actress out there, but its not like Ashley Laurence was a master thespian by any means. Just skim down the original wardrobe as much as possible, bath Fox in blood and let us enjoy.
alternate: Mary Elizabeth Winstead
FRANK
Dominic West
Yes, West was a bit over the top as Jigsaw in PUNISHER: WAR ZONE. But dial that performance down a bit and take a look at his extraordinary work on THE WIRE. PUNISHER proves West is willing to do genre material, so a role like this might not be such a long shot.
alternate: Joaquin Phoenix
LARRY
Bill Pullman
Anyone who’s seen an episode of BIG LOVE knows Pullman could make a great choice for Frank. He plays the family man well and can easily bring on the crazy when the time comes for Frank to dress up in his skin.
alternate: Bill Paxton
BUTTERBALL
Danny DeVito
Who else could possibly play Butterball as well as the original butterball of acting, Danny DeVito? The production could save a ton on cosmetics and he might look even scarier than the original.
alternate: Slimer
FEMALE CENOBITE
Samantha Morton
She looked pretty good as a baldy in MINORITY REPORT. Plus, she’s got some undeniable acting chops that would give Laugier the chance to expand this scant role from the original.
alternate: Scarlett Johansson
CHATTERER CENOBITE
Matthew Lillard
Okay, this one is probably going to be an actor caked in a ton of makeup and prosthetics (see Doug Jones below), but its fun to think who might be cast if they were actually looking for an actor to actually fit the original look a bit. I can’t remember the last thing I saw Lillard in (and probably don’t want to) so what the heck, give the guy a job!
doug bradley was to pinhead what robert englund was to freddy kreuger - the chances of this and the elm street remake actually working are sooooo slim. i mean sean bean is a great actor but even he fell flat in the hitcher remake compared to rutger hauers original performance.
a non-horror example: could anyone other than michael j fox ever play marty mcfly? NO! will they ever remake back to the future? possibly, and the fans of that franchise will be just as frustraed and angry as we are about elm street and hellraiser being remade with new lead actors. you cant better perfection so leave it the fuck alone!
As much as I hate trash actors before they even take a role...whoever replaces Doug Bradley has some mighty shoes to fill. While I'm still looking forward to the remake just for new stuff, they need to really find an impressive Pinhead. Not saying it can't be done, because that wouldn't be true, but I just hope.
I like the idea of Hugo Weaving as Pinhead. His words are powerful and can hit you like a punch to the gut. He could stand on a stage and recite the ABC's and it would still be powerful. And everything that Pinhead said in the movie was articulate, sharp, and powerful...like the needles in his head.
Megan Fox as Kirsty??! Considering that most of the articles regarding the remake have the people behind it stating that they are going to take a bits from the movies, AS WELL as from the original book, they just might go the route of the book, where Kirsty is not the young daughter, but as old as the other adults and is Rory(Larry)'s friend. Though, as far as the movie's Kirsty was concerned, Ashley brought a sense of natural beauty to the role. Megan Fox looks so hot, it's almost supernatural beauty, which feels all sorts of wrongness as well! As it is, I hated her in Transformers. Especially when they panned across the classroom full of rather normal looking teens, she looked so damn out of place, it was sickening. Not to mention how she's always got that "I'm so out of breath!" look. Her constantly looking like that is almost as annoying as Jason Ritter's constant grinning in even the more serious and horrific situations of Freddy Vs Jason.
LOL I love that picture of Scarlett Johansson. Just make that head a little pointier and she looks like the teenage daughter from Coneheads. ;)
As for Butterball, I'd say cast Rush Limbaugh. They wouldn't need to spend a dime on makeup or special effects. Just stick some sunglasses on him and he's good to go!
Hugo Weaving as Pinhead is a genuis idea. The actor who does eventually get that role has mighty shoes to fill so if the film makers have any sense they need to cast an extremley talented actor.
Anyone else here annoyed by how some folks hold the film in such high regard, while forgetting that the novella it's based on, a far superior work, was quite different?
O-BOY here we go. I hate PINHEAD, BUTTERBALL, and the CENOBITES. The best one was BLOODLINE and I watched it because I did'nt have anything better to do.
Shit, they should cast that boxer "Butterbean" for the Butterball role. Or maybe "Shelly" from Friday the 13th part III. He was called butterball by the hippie chick in that film!!!!
Hugo Weaving sounds good but wouldn't he be too tall compared to all the short, original cenobites? They would have to have tall guys/gals for all the new cenobites, then. But moreover, I would prefer to have none names for all the roles like all the classic series had done, because if not, we could end up with the possibility of having different guys for the same roles, if they decide to continue the new series. The same can be said with the ElmStree remake. I love Jackie, but am afraid he won't be returning for sequels should they decide to make them. This is because continuty is very important, IMO.
Try casting unknowns. Bloody disgusting is as bad as hollywood. Big names dont mean its good. The lame actress from GIMORE GIRLS?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AH Lame fucking site.
Hugo weaving- definately. Agent smith shows how good a villan he can be.
Julia-? on the fence on that one.
Kirsty- megan fox? no. Mary winstead- maybe.
frank- not sure.
Larry- definately bill paxton. His crazy in FRAILTY IS AWESOME!
Great choices, Hugo Weaving would be a great Tall Man from Phantasm, they could use camera tricks to make him seem taller and more threatening. What's wrong with bringing back Doug Bradley anyway?
NO BILL PAXTON. PLEASE. NO. I could go for West and Shannon. Pheonix isn't making movies anymore though.
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