New Line Cinema's Friday the 13th reboot is now in theaters everywhere and we've got not one, but two reviews to kick off the weekend's festivities. If you click here, you can read BC's positive review, while beyond the break you'll find Tex's brutal look at Jason's massive return to the big screen. Don't forget to return here after you've seen the film to write your own review and tell all of B-D what YOU think (your review will show on the main page)!
On the off chance that you don’t know the legend of Camp Blood or the backstory of one of filmdom’s more enduring icons—Jason Voorhees—the crew behind the latest Hollywood remake takes the opportunity, not once, but twice in the first 20 minutes of their latest cash cow, to tell it to you again…and then again. If that’s not proof positive that this is a beginner Friday the 13th film then nothing else I can say will convince you otherwise.
Not made for the seasoned veteran of the original 11 film versions that have come before it (Yes I included FREDDY VS. JASON in there), this film is made for those born after May 9, 1980. So, since it’s not a continuation of the original film or a sequel to a franchise that jumped the shark two decades ago when it sent a psychic to do battle with Jason, let’s begin by taking a look at the “new” FRIDAY THE 13TH without the inevitable comparisons to the original series.
Director Marcus Nispel stepped out of the music video world that he called home for about 10 years to helm the 2003 reimagining of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. In that film, Nispel managed to take what was originally a very dirty, grainy and desaturated film and enhance those elements by adding that gritty SAVING PRIVATE RYAN vérité to the mix. He took all the nihilism of the original film and concentrated it into a post SAW world of pain for the sake of pain. By all accounts that worked wonderfully and Nispel’s TCM remake stands a very clearly realized feature. It explains a few things that probably don’t need explaining but, for the most part, it just allows its storied killer to do his job. And, it takes that job very seriously. Amazingly, everything that Nispel did right in that film, he manages to undo in this one—which has to beg one question. How much of the success of that film was due to the screenplay by Scott Kosar (THE MACHINIST) and how much of the failure of FRIDAY THE 13TH is due to the musings of Damian Shannon and Mark Swift (FREDDY VS. JASON).
In the prologue of the film, we discover that 28-years ago a child—“His name was Jason”—drowned in Crystal Lake, his mother then went nuts and began killing the counselors that were responsible for Jason’s death. Just as she is about to kill the (ahem) final girl, she literally loses her head to a machete blade. Watching all this from the woods was a young Jason—who apparently did not drown at all. Flash forward to the present day (or rather 6-weeks earlier than the present day) and we meet a group of horny backpackers who are in search of a hidden cache of marijuana plants purported to be growing in the area. One by one, they are felled by a hulking murderer with a burlap sack over his head. OK, now we‘ve actually reached the present day. We are introduced to a new group of twenty-somethings that are headed to the rich one’s cabin for a weekend of drinking and debauchery. Along the way they meet Clay (Jared Padalecki) who’s searching for his sister—she vanished about 6 weeks ago. Guess who they find instead?
From the outset, it’s hard to get a gauge on what Shannon, Swift and Nispel are aiming for. The film has a lot of light dialogue and it seems like the whole thing is a bit of a lark. In interviews the filmmakers have promised that this FRIDAY THE 13TH would be a hard “R” film full of the blood and breasts that tried and true genre fans seem to be clambering for. But I would contend that those were words of appeasement by men who never intended to make a movie for fans of the original films. Nispel keeps the grain and grime that he did so well in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE but transported to the dark woods at night the film looks muddled. Then they have populated this film with an assortment of some of the dumbest characters to ever grace a horror film. To begin with we have Trent (Travis Van Winkle, ASYLUM) a kind of Spencer Pratt character who is very concerned with Mommy and Daddy’s cottage and not so concerned that his girlfriend Jenna (Danielle Panabaker, MR. BROOKS) has just rode off into the woods on a motorcycle with Clay (whom she’s only known for about 5 minutes). We’ve got the token (and tokin’) Asian and Black characters (DISTURBIA’s Aaron Yoo and Arlen Escarpeta) who mostly just sit around, get drunk, get high and then die. But, my personal favorite is Ryan Hansen’s character Nolan who looks like Wooderson from DAZED AND CONFUSED and only has about a page and a half of dialogue before getting the business end of an arrow shot through the back of his bulletproof blond haircut.
It’s hard to imagine that sitting through this film, the intention was to play the production straight. But, all evidence points to that very conclusion. The film tries to be mean spirited in its kills, but its characters are too cartoonish to make their deaths more than notches in the killer’s playbook. Derek Mears performance as Jason is hulking for sure, but menacing and terrifying? Perhaps if he was framed a bit better and the editing was a bit more deliberate. Jason is never on screen for more than a few frames—popping up in the most obvious places (due to camera angles that absolutely telescope the scare before it ever occurs). Just once I wanted to see a loving shot of Jason just standing there—not blurred out in the background or bobbing up and down from the water, flashing his machete. I wanted Jason to scare me a little. But he never did. I wanted the film to be about the characters the way the Chainsaw remake was about the characters. But it wasn’t. I guess all that was left was for it to be a showpiece for the blood and boobs that they promised us. Did they deliver on even that base pacification? Well…we got the boobs. Both from the girls (in the form of actual female breasts) and from the guys (in the form of doltish morons parading across the screen), but the gore hardly delivered anything like what we’ve come to expect over the years since HOSTEL started blowtorching eyeballs out. A few nips and tucks here (and the girls certainly had a few pairs of those) and this would have been a PG-13 horror film without blinking a (non blowtorched) eye.
You can point the fingers wherever you want when all is said and done but it took a village to raise a deformed child like Jason Voorhees into the maniacal mess that is this interpretation of the FRIDAY THE 13TH saga. It’s clearly not a film made for me, or for fans of the original who will debate the merits and motivations of this latest flick alongside lighting strikes, vats of toxic waste and trips to Manhattan. It might wink and nudge to the original film in order to make you think this one is for you too, but it’s not, even if the final moments offer a minor redemption. Nope, none of that matters, this one is for the YouTube generation, the one that purveyors of this film think need everything explained out in the opening credits so that they can just get on with the gut slinging. I wonder if they will ever realize what a disservice they are doing in dumbing down everything. I don’t think audiences today want to see movies that are stupid, or slasher films that aren’t scary, only gory. Some of the reason SAW works (at least initially) is because it is a smart series with a serious storyline. MY BLOODY VALENTINE already offered an easy to swallow homage to the 1980’s and THE UNINVITED was a well crafted film that reeked of old Hollywood haunting. FRIDAY THE 13TH is nothing more than a karo syrup coated confection of fake blood, fake boobs and fake hope that the Slasher Film would rise again. I guess next time we need to call in the psychics! - Tex Massacre
Um, aren't we, as horror fans, a group of people that always tell others to judge for themselves and not give a fuck about critics? So why should we change that just because the review is coming from someone within our camp.
Sorry, but from what I read in this review, none of the issues are anything that would dissuade me from wanting to see a Friday the 13th movie. This series jumped the shark after the FIRST film, not exactly the Citizen Kane of the horror world, so just enjoy it for what it is.
Jason killing people? I'm in, you've sold me.
Wow, 2 shitty reviews. (The first can say 8/10 all it wants but if you read the fucking thing, its clear the reviewer just doesn't want to give his honest rating)
Actually, counting Horror Guy's quickly removed negative review a couple days ago, that makes 3, which is AWESOME, since I have almost always disagreed with BD's staff reviews. It pretty much insures that I will enjoy this film.
Tell me it ain't so!!! Marcus Nispel had a chance to kick major ass with this reboot. After TCM Reloaded, I just KNEW he'd blow us all away. But in the end, if it turns out crap (and I'll know myself if this review is too harsh or not in another 6 hours), I'll blame the scribes of Freddy vs. Jason. Which everyone knows was a fair flick, but also a fine example of wasted potential. You've also gotta keep in mind how many movies are made for money and today's teen audience (apparently, the kids today aren't quite the sophisticates we were back in my day, they need everything spelled out for them). I was really hoping for a new old horror classic...
Only I know what I will like. I know I don't like preachy douche bags who can't make anything of their own so they rip other people's work apart. Which is why I never take reviews into consideration. I just watch what looks interesting and if it sucks I leave.
The original movie is this:
Kids at camp keep getting killed, then poof, mysterious character we haven't seen at all shows up, then quickly goes into her flashback about her son Jason, revealing the story and herself as the killer in one fell swoop.
How is that not spelling it out for everyone? People have done nothing but fault this film for things that the originals have already done. I'll never understand you people.
Guywiththegun - the last paragraph of my review states perfectly clear why it sounds more negative than it is. Do you want me to spend the entire review explaining away all the fun/awesome parts? Give away the kills and occasional surprises? I really liked the movie - I didn't love it, and I chose to address the things I didn't like and explain them so it didn't come off as just another negative review from someone who "didn't get it". Besides, an 8/10 is the same as an 80/100, or a B-. So, if anything its kinda low, I'd give it a B or a B+. Inherent flaw in the "skull meter" system.
Synical is right, yet somehow those movies managed to be special and not soul-less remakes by people who if anything, resent the originals. You have all SIDED WITH THE ENEMY. Now sleep in the filth that is Friday the 13th (2009).
i never trust you guys you gave my bloody valentine 3-d 9* , that movie sucked. And yes im a fan of the original one. you gave twilight like 3*, i'll give that movie 10 any day. so the thing is thanks for voicing your opinion but im not going to trust you on this on sir
oh my gosh iam so sick of reading stuff with spoilers in it can you put *spoilers* before it in the sentence or just dont review anything tex, you know some people want to be surprised and not have you tell everything that happens learn how to write a review and dont give away parts of the movie for those who havent seen it
Fake boobs and fake blood?!? So you're slamming a Friday the 13th movie for being a Friday the 13th movie? And why so upset about the first twenty minutes introduction? Sounds cool to me, I have no issues with seeing move of Jason's mother. I guess I just don't understand what was so bad about the movie from it's description...
Who are these writers?!? I simply cannot take seriously anyone who pens a review at a 9th-grade English level.
And Guywiththegun, I'm on board with you. There are those who jumped on this Friday train when the project was first announced over three years ago, and they still refuse get off, even though the whole thing derailed long ago. Even the announcement that douchebag extraordinaire Michael Bay would be taking the reigns couldn't quell the enthusiasm. Despite the facts pointing to Fuller & Co. having done everything to the contrary of what they said they would do, the hangerson are still hanging on. And now, the reviews are in, and nearly every one of them is saying what the so-called "haters" have been saying for more than a year now: This movie f--king SUCKS. People have been so desperate to love this film, despite the odds against it being great, that no amount of dissent can pry them from the wreckage. There is no reasoning with them. You're a hater in their eyes, as am I, and you always will be.
what the hell is this reviewer talking about that this movie is for the youtube generation and that the movies not for u,just because u didnt like it dosnet mean nobody else is not going to like it from all the reviews ive seen this movie is really good,ur just another hater and i think u should find another job cause i dont think anyone is goin to take this review seriously because we can tell that ur just another hater
Tex Massacre's review is so fucking annoying. He gave away so many fucking spoilers. Shut up, I wanna watch the goddamn movie! Learn how to write reviews without spoiling the thing...
Tex Massacre's review is so fucking annoying. He gave away so many fucking spoilers. Shut up, I wanna watch the goddamn movie! Learn how to write reviews without spoiling the thing...
Yeah, seriously, the reviewer is bashing this movie for just about every reason people watch Friday films. The original was a low-rent version of Halloween; it was campy gratuity and that's exactly what this "remake" is. And to be certain, this movie's just as much (or as little?) of a remake as half of the series: kids go to the woods to fuck and, wouldn't ya know it, end up getting killed by a dude in a hockey mask. If watching that sounds like a fun way to spend 90 minutes, you'll dig the new Friday. I saw it Monday and the packed crowd went apeshit the whole time.
quite frankly i am shocked you guys actually posted a review as bad as this one, guess you guys arent always biased. anyways, this review does paint a picture of what i wouldnt want in a jason move either, but im still giving it my own viewing for a proper opinion. however, jason not having more than a few frames of screen time is disturbing, the producers telling us this is their best movie when this guy thinks not also is a bad sign, however I hated the TCM remake, and if this is everything opposite, maybe its the movie for me. also, maybe they havent dumbed everything down for us and maybe the producers of this movie are simply hacks? after all, in the NOES remake we get to find out why Freddy wears a glove and christmas sweater, cause those are the key things unexplained in the previous NOES series that they obviously think everyone is begging to know.
This just in: Michael Gingold of Fangoria slams Friday the 13th. Yes, *the* Michael Gingold; the guy who knows a hell of a lot more about horror than you. So, have fun with this one, YouTube generation; too bad the filmmakers didn't trust your intelligence enough to actually deliver you a good movie. That's rather a big insult (from the filmmakers, not me), by the way, and you should be asking yourselves whether you're pleased that a hack like Michael Bay treats you like the "lowest-common-demoninator" moviegoer. Do a Google search on some of Bay's public comments about his target audience: he makes movies for young boys and men who can't think beyond explosions and breasts. That's not a compliment, folks, and this movie seems to fit right in to that category. Sad.
The film wasn't that bad. 'nuff said, everyone just needs to stop being so butt hurt about it. My showing ate this shit up, because it was fun. It wasn't trying to be Lawrence of Arabia, it's not Halloween. It's a movie about dumb fucking kids, getting slaughtered. What else do you want? Check the flick out and decide for yourself.
I agree with deathtiger. Also, to those who are pissed about this movie insulting moviegoers' intelligence, I'm sorry, but the original, decidedly "good" Friday films were just as simple, just as nonsensical, and aimed at just as "low" a target demographic. This flick is aimed at the douchebag teen audience of today just as the old ones were aimed at the douchebag teen audiences of the 80s. Then, as now, my friends.
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On the off chance that you don’t know the legend of Camp Blood or the backstory of one of filmdom’s more enduring icons—Jason Voorhees—the crew behind the latest Hollywood remake takes the opportunity, not once, but twice in the first 20 minutes of their latest cash cow, to tell it to you again…and then again. If that’s not proof positive that this is a beginner Friday the 13th film then nothing else I can say will convince you otherwise. 
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