One criticism directed at the Friday the 13th movies, and not an entirely unfounded one, is that the movies just present a bunch of stereotypes, rather than actual characters. In some of the films, that is certainly the case (part V) but I would argue that minor attempts were made to flesh out some of these folks, and you might even care about them (part VI is a good example). But one consistently beloved character archetype is the Friday the 13th Nerd: the character you will love right from the start and hope to see survive. Like a Bond villain, he is characterized by a single physical handicap of some sort (i.e. he's fat), and is usually the only decent person of the group, particularly in the later films. His fellow fodder friends will probably blend together in your mind, but you'll always remember Shelly, Joey, Ted, etc. So today, let's take a look back at Friday the 13th's most memorable underdogs.
THE NERDS OF FRIDAY THE 13TH
JASON (Ari Lehman).
Some consider Ned to be pretty dorky, but the guy's in the movie for like 12 seconds and doesn't even get a death scene. For my money, the real social outcast of the first movie is Jason himself. We never really meet him until a shock ending, but from what we can gather, he doesn't have any friends, can't swim, and impedes on the sexual needs of the camp counselors with his constant need to be taken care of. And it goes without saying that he's a real mama's boy. Basically, he's what David Spade's Loser character might call "a little goofy kid with problems". It's worth noting that if he had just gotten his shit together, 146+ people might be alive today.
NERDIEST MOMENT: Drowns.
TED (Stu Charno)
Ted is significant because he doesn't even die! It was only part 2, so you can forgive Steve Miner and co for not quite having the formula down pat, but still, it's a bit odd to watch today: a group of our would-be victims head off to the bar, and... apparently just drink all night. Nowadays, they would all head back in one SUV and Jason would flip it over with his bare hands or something, but that is not the case here. But of all these random non-dead folks, Ted sticks out due to his penchant for playing nonsensical pranks (having someone's car towed seems like an awful lot of work for a simple ha-ha) and playing several scenes in hardly any clothing (and really - is he really the best candidate for camp lifeguard?).
NERDIEST MOMENT: Ted's "flirting" with the bartender, which consists of making beer goggles, using his annoying laugh, and boasting about the fact that he's apparently an alcoholic. He then dismisses the events of the first film, claiming that the event boiled down to "a girl falling out a canoe".
SHELLY (Larry Zerner)
Ah, Shelly. The patron saint not only of the Friday nerds, but of the entire series, because as we all know, it was Shelly that first donned that iconic hockey mask, and, obviously, was the one to "supply" it to Jason sometime after Shelly entered the Higgins Haven barn. Shelly doesn't get an onscreen death (he's one of the first to die, but isn't found until much later, with his throat slashed), but after all the shit he goes through in the movie, I guess it was nice of them (or the MPAA) to spare us. After all, in about five hours' time, the dude gets his wallet stolen, rebuffed by a would be blind date, mocked by just about every friend he has, pushed around by some bikers, and saddest of all, discovers his juggling talents aren't exciting enough to keep the ladies interested.
NERDIEST MOMENT: When asked why he always wears masks, Shelly replies "Wouldn't you, if you looked like THIS?". Oscar overlooked this scene, but most Friday fans will admit to at least an "awww" and then a giggle.
JIMMY (Crispin Glover)
Back in 1984, the idea of casting Glover as a weirdo was a novelty, so nowadays it's almost refreshing to see him relatively restrained as Jimmy, the virginal dance enthusiast who has just learned via the world's first laptop computer that he is a "dead fuck". Seeking to change that character trait, he puts on a baseball hat and carries out a dance that even Elaine Benes would find excruciatingly awkward. Of course, his journey into manhood comes with the ultimate price: shortly after the loss of his virginity, he looks to have a celebratory drink, only to get the corkscrew he was looking for driven through his hand, and then a cleaver through his face for good measure
NERDIEST MOMENT: Pretty much all of them, but the dancing is the highlight for sure:
JOEY/JAKE (Dominick Brascia/Jerry Paylon)
Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning had a fake Jason, so to make up for it, director Danny Steinmann doubled up on pretty much everything: more kills, more tits, and yes, more nerds! First up is poor Joey, whose compulsive desire to help out his fellow inmates with their chores results in him losing a perfectly good candy bar, and then his life: Vic, a moody, angry inmate who probably shouldn't have been given an axe in the first place, hacks the poor sod to pieces after he whines about not getting to help chop wood. One of the witnesses to this terrible (read: drunken-crowd pleasing) act is Jake, who quickly gets over it and puts the moves on Robin a few hours later. But since he has a stutter, he is of course turned down and laughed at, which causes him to run away. He seeks comfort from Violet, the 80siest character in the entire series, but she tells him to sod off as well. The only one who doesn't reject him is fake Jason, who provides him some unwanted attention via cleaver (again!) a few seconds later.
NERDIEST MOMENT: Joey reveals that a candy bar is apparently a hot commodity in the Pinehurst Institute, offering to share a piece with Robin as long as she doesn't tell anyone else (including, presumably, the 3-4 others who are in earshot). As for Jake, he's not really in the movie much, thus keeping his obvious nerd-ness to a minimum, but he does stutter out one of the film's best lines: "You don't set a place for a dead person!"
ROY (Whitney Rydbeck)
Jason Lives was unique in that most of the victims were adults, including the unfortunate employees of some company who were taking part in a corporate paintball retreat in the woods near Crystal Lake. They're all kind of dorky, but Roy rises above the others with his slapstick-y demeanor, giant glasses, and frequent panic attacks. He is the only one of the group that manages to land a blow on Jason, and he also gets spared a death scene - Jason chases after him but we don't see how he actually dies (parts of his body are found later, confirming the kill but not the method).
NERDIEST MOMENT: Roy breaks a tree branch off and then tries to put it back on. Hilarity ensues.
EDDIE (Jeff Bennett)
New Blood is among the weakest in the series, but its resident nerd is one of the few bright spots. Eddie is a sci-fi writer, and he spends most of the movie rambling about his story ideas, some of which are pretty cool (I would definitely read "Star Mummy"). It could have been awful - he could have been a horror writer and spent the entire movie making meta-jokes (something the previous entry dipped into a bit, at least in the first half hour), so kudos to John Carl Beuchler for sparing us that agony. He also manages to get some minor action with the girl (she's bored, desperate, AND trying to make another guy jealous), and is one of the film's final kills, which means he's sort of the alpha and omega of Friday Nerds. But a machete cuts him down before he can manage to ruin any more stereotypes (at least, that's what I assume happened. Like every other kill in this movie, it cuts away before we see any contact or blood).
NERDIEST MOMENT: After the girl tells him the truth about their makeout session, he points out that he has been rejected by some of the finest science fiction magazines in the world, so her dismissal doesn't hurt. You tell her!
WAYNE (Martin Cummins)
Jason Takes Manhattan is often criticized for spending too much time on the boat. But I'm sure Wayne, like a lot of the other kids, is fine with that, because he never gets to see the big city anyway and thus probably enjoyed his stretched out time alive. Like just about all of the Friday nerds, his primary character motivation is to hook up with the hottest girl in the movie (by their characterization, not my opinion), so he aids Tamara in her creepy attempt to improve her grades by fooling around with her 60ish professor. Shortly after that sterility-inducing sequence, Tamara gently explains that she has no desire to sleep with him, and he takes off while she gets killed. Wayne then becomes one of the few Friday Nerds to be aware of any danger, aiding in the rather poorly planned search for the killer, which of course doesn't go too well. One steam blast/control panel combo later, Wayne's a goner, and with him goes the proud legacy of Friday Nerds, since the New Line entries didn't really have any (hell, the next one didn't even really have Jason!).
NERDIEST MOMENT: Wayne loses his glasses, and is so blind that he shoots an innocent crew member. Nice move, nerdlinger.
Shelly gets my vote for top nerd! What a whiney bastard!! A lot of these guys got on my nerves even as a kid watching these. For instance, i still want to break the legs of the actor who played "Ted" in part 2. Always have. Hmmmmmmm.....
Breaking my "last comment" pledge to say that this is a great list. However, you are being very unfair to the New Line films. JGTH doesn't have a teen nerd, but it does have poor Shelby (Leslie Jordan), the emasculated lesser half of an unholy union with Joey B (Rusty Schwimmer). Getting fried on the grill definitely constitutes a "nerd death". JASON X gave us Azrael (Dov Tiefenbach), the poor dope who gains a coffee cup and loses an arm - only to survive that and die during a game of Virtual Reality Laser Tag. And, of course, FVJ brings us Linderman (Chris Marquette). If an asthmatic dork who suffers from an acute case of unrequited lust for a hot chick with a target tattoo over her butt AND the endless torment of her bitchy, pop singer best friend isn't a prototypical F13 nerd, I don't know what is. Maybe if Linderman did some kind of freaky dance to punk music, some of you guys that inexplicably hate FVJ so much would cut the movie some slack.
How could you leave out the nerd girl. the one in part 7 who never drank never smoked pot and had her boy crush stolen by her best friend.... maybe cause she took her glasses off and put some lipstick on and decided she was hot shit just before she died. Its a shame though i always felt sorry for her. More so than for eddie. What was her name Maddy??? When she died i was kind of upset.
To ryanbramhart:
I agree she should have been in this list. She was the ugliest nerd of them all, lol. And also Jkrouskop made some good points on the New Line movies.
Crispin Glover's dance number in psrt 4 was cinematic comedic gold. Gold, man! I almost died laughing when I watched this installment for the first time the other night. And I agree with ryanbramhart: the nerdy girl in part 7 WAS hot in the end... and therein lay her downfall. She suddenly felt like a contender, and Jason the Fun Cop had to lay into her after that. And out of all of them, I could identify with poor Linderman the most. Unrequited love in high school is the worst, man. (Insert AWWWWW... here)
Yes her name was Maddy, and she was a nerd-turned-beauty. But was it really necessary to point out your dislike for part 7 again by calling it the weakest? Sorry, but you are wrong. The reason why the majority prefer this over the rest that followed is because it is better. End of story. It had some of the best acting most notably by Lincoln, Blu and Kiser, Jason had a great look, the setting stayed at Crystal Lake, there were some interesting, fun and different kills and the telekinesis angle was something new, but not absurd to the point of sending Jason to space or having him possess people.
Oh shit I forgot Maddy and Linderman. I definitely would count them. The stoner dude from X not so much, he was just a stoner. And Leslie Jordan... eh.... maybe.
days, man... give it a rest. Are you actually John Beuchler? I don't even think HE has defended the movie this much. And it says "AMONG the weakest". If you're going to keep spamming every one of these articles with your (admittedly admirable) attempts to make me "see the light" on New Blood, at least take the time to read the article properly.
I like the seventh a lot. Yet everyone hates it it seems. Meh to each their own.
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