For the most part this week's Horror In Your House is pretty horrid once again. There are plenty of films coming out, but how many are actually worth watching? ThE CELLAR DOOR is hilariously over-hyped on the cover by one of our ex-writers, P2 is an abomination of God, CRUEL WORLD has been collecting dust for the past three years and DAY OF THR DEAD... judge for yourself. Read on for the full release list.
Horror in Your House
April 8, 2008
By: Tex Massacre
Herman has been searching for the perfect girl, but all he s collected are pieces a chunk of hair; a severed finger; a jar of blood until the alluring and beautiful Rudy. Refusing to play along in his twisted game, she is imprisoned in a wooden cage with only her wits against his savage murderous insanity. Will she win the desperate, hallucinatory game of cat and mouse and escape through the Cellar Door, or die trying?
Millions witnessed Philip Markham's public humiliation when he got dumped by Catherine, the beautiful star of a popular dating show, and now—several years and reality series later—he wants revenge. After taking Catherine captive, he lures nine unsuspecting co-eds to her luxurious mansion in the middle of nowhere, trapping the contestants in his own sick version of reality TV—where the challenges are bizarre, the danger is real and death is just a competition away.
CRYPT OF TERROR (BLACK CANDLES, NAKED DREAMS, THE EVIL EYE, BLOOD HARVEST): Deimos/BCI Eclipse
BLACK CANDLES—Carol travels and her boyfriend Paul to England after the unexpected death of her brother. Once there she finds out her sister-in-law is involved in a satanic cult and she finds out that Paul is being drawn into the cult. Also included is NAKED DREAMS, an alternate version of BLACK CANDLES
EVIL EYE—Peter Crane is having nightmares about murdering someone. His psychiatrist Doctor Stone has him hospitalized for being unable to differentiate between dream and reality. Soon people start turning up dead at the hospital. Is Peter really a killer or is there something more sinister at foot.
BLOOD HARVEST—Jill returns to her peaceful farming town from school, little does she realize that she is about to be plunged into a macabre nightmare of madness and murder. One by one, those people closest to her are killed by a knife-wielding maniac. Singer Tiny Tim turns in a chilling performance as Marvelous Mervo a clown with a permanent grin grotesquely painted on his face.
A mysterious virus has infected the small town of Leadville, Colorado, and the military is brought in to enforce a quarantine and stop the spread of the disease. As people perish, survivors realize that the virus is creating the walking dead who crave human flesh. Only a small number of people are immune to the virus, and those few survivors must battle to fend off the infected zombies while trying to make it out of town alive.
TEX SAYS: Sure a new version of this classic sounds terrible on paper, but really, you know this is like 10,000 times better than DAY OF THE DEAD 2: CONTAGIUM. I mean after than non-flick, Romero remakes, homages and outright rip-offs all look like potential Oscar winners. So, Tex says pick it up, ‘cause this week sucks and what else are you gonna talk about with your buddies!
THE KINGS OF HORROR: BELA LUGOSI AND BORIS KARLOFF (16 movies, 5 discs): BCI Eclipse
The Original Masters of Horror come together in a collection of their spookiest and creepiest films: Scared to Death, White Zombie, Devil Bat, The Ape Man, Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome, The Terror, The Mysterious Mr. Wong, The Ape, Black Dragons, Human Monster, The Death Kiss, Boys from Brooklyn, The Snake People, The Invisible Ghost, The Gorilla and The Corpse Vanishes.
TEX SAYS: It’s a public domain pot o’gold for classic horror fans with over 17 hours of Bela and Boris! Whew…I’ve got a headache just thinking about watching all that!
MAGUS: MTI
Since the dawn of time magic users have availed their Mysterious Power to ward off evil and heal the body. Throughout history wizards sorcerers and magicians have practiced in secrecy keeping their powers hidden guided by the Wizard's Code. But there are some who desire mastery over others and attain the highest level of magic to gain it. Even just one Wizard obsessed with his own power can threaten their secret world. This one is called the MAGUS. When Felix a broken down healer learns that the Magus has abandoned the Wizard's Code and is using his power for evil he is forced to come out of reclusion and find a way to turn his healing energy into a killing force.
THE NANNY: Fox
Accused of drowning his little sister in the bath, 10-year old Joey is sent away to an institution for therapy even though he claims the Nanny is responsible. When he returns home, suspicion is quickly aroused again as his mother is poisoned and his aunt suddenly dies. But Joey continues to insist the Nanny is responsible, turning life into a deft cat-and-mouse game between the equally shady woman and her young charge.
TEX SAYS: You know what’s scarier than Bette Davis? Nothing! She freaked me out as a kid…seriously…did you ever see THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS? We’ll check out Bette in the 1965 classic and you’ll see what I mean.
It's Christmas Eve, when even the most voracious corporate climbers generally head home by dinner time. But not Angela—she's the last one left at the office, determined to close one more deal before the holiday. The long hours she keeps will have an impact, but not the kind she's been hoping for.
TEX SAYS: A new entry in for the Worst Holiday Horror Films list? Or, do you think this will be better than co-writer Alex Aja’s upcoming version of SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT? Enquiring minds want to know!
THE RED CELL: York
A terminally ill patient wakes up in a dark, decrepit underground chamber. His last memories lead him back to the hospital where doctors had recently discovered his illness, but behind these walls a psychotic killer performs terrorizing medical experiments while holding him captive. Is it real, or just in his mind? What seems like a sadistic medical experiment quickly becomes an excruciating race to survive both his captor and his illness long enough to simply tell his shrouded family goodbye.
P2 isn't as bad as Bloody Disgusting is making out to be, it had some silly scenes that shouldn't have been there, but that doesn't define a bad or good movie. P2 is definately a 6 or 7 out of 10.
Doesn't matter how bad dotd 2: cuntagion was, there is no excuse for making a peice of shit and calling it a remake of dotd. I'd rather shove broken glass into my scrotum than support this atrocity.
Cheers!
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Herman has been searching for the perfect girl, but all he s collected are pieces a chunk of hair; a severed finger; a jar of blood until the alluring and beautiful Rudy. Refusing to play along in his twisted game, she is imprisoned in a wooden cage with only her wits against his savage murderous insanity. Will she win the desperate, hallucinatory game of cat and mouse and escape through the Cellar Door, or die trying?
A mysterious virus has infected the small town of Leadville, Colorado, and the military is brought in to enforce a quarantine and stop the spread of the disease. As people perish, survivors realize that the virus is creating the walking dead who crave human flesh. Only a small number of people are immune to the virus, and those few survivors must battle to fend off the infected zombies while trying to make it out of town alive.
Accused of drowning his little sister in the bath, 10-year old Joey is sent away to an institution for therapy even though he claims the Nanny is responsible. When he returns home, suspicion is quickly aroused again as his mother is poisoned and his aunt suddenly dies. But Joey continues to insist the Nanny is responsible, turning life into a deft cat-and-mouse game between the equally shady woman and her young charge.
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