Tuesday, March 18, 2008
By: MrDisgusting
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Creating our list of Top 10 Horror Remakes of All-time was insanely hard, specifically because there aren't that many, but when it comes to the WORST Horror Remakes of All-time, I had no trouble at all. They say that if we forget history, we'll be destined to relive it... does that mean we've forgotten all of the classic horror films? NO! Hollywood is known for its lack of originality and creativity, which is why it seems to be plagued by remakes this decade; but remaking a film isn't a new thing, in fact it's been going on for decades now - only technically, they were way better back then (see THE THING, THE FLY). But we're not here to celebrate the classics, we're here to scowl at the bottom of the barrel films that not only stole our money, but left us wishing we could have our precious time back. Read on to see my list of history's worst reincarnations to hit cinemas.
The 15 Worst Horror Remakes of All-Time!
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The Top 10 Best Horror Remakes of All-Time
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The Top 10 Reasons Why Bela Lugosi Still Rules
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So basically Gus Van Sant pitched the studio a shot-for-shot remake with one addition scene - Norman Bates (Vince Vaughn) masturbating while staring at a naked Marion Crane (Anne Heche) through a hole in the wall? Are you kidding me? I don't believe that remaking a film puts a damper on the original - but this is a case where Vince Vaughn's man puddy will be on my mind when I see Hitchcock's classic. Thanks dick.
Another shot-for-shot waste of film and my time. Furthermore, what was the point of showing the plane hitting the Twin Towers? Seriously. If there is a sign of the apocalypse, it's the fact that movies like this are made.
I wouldn't quite say this was terrible, and I'm not sure it deserves to be on the worst list, but truly it was useless. It was the same film at Eric Red's original, only missing heart and symbolism. The editing and score placement was pretty laughable - Nine Inch Nails never sounded so terrible on the big screen.
A lot of you guys really dug this film but what I saw was a jumbled mess of reshoots. Sure it's uber violent, but that's it. There's no holiday treat here, just warm milk and soggy cookies.
Dark Castle begins their reputation for making terrible films with beautiful set design. Beyond the amazing mansion and make-up FX work, the film is loaded with bad dialogue, hammy characters and not a single real scare.
God awful set design, acting, story and direction, this remake of the near-perfect DePalma film deserves to be burned alive, or stabbed 80 times by twin sisters.
I think possibly the highest grossing of all of the remakes (or at least close), THE GRUDGE is shockingly awful. The film is completely incoherent and unnecessarily obscure. It tries too hard to be creepy, slow-paced and contained only it comes off as cheap, oddly "showy" (bad FX work) and just damn confusing. With THE GRUDGE 2, it's the same ol song and dance (Aerosmith start rocking). Even worse than the first.
I am still in shock at how terrible this film was. Easily the worst Japanese remake since THE RING TWO and DARK WATER. I'd say it was a "missed opportunity," (pun intended) as the original carried great potential. I think my favorite part was the "inhaler" scare, which had me laughing for ten minutes.
Sorry Rob, I love HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES and DEVIL'S REJECTS, but this remake was a definite miss. I think Rob's attempt to create something original, give nods and include sequences from the original became a jumbled mess. I think Rob was on the right track with the first half and should have run it to the goal. The film also lacked any suspense and became a long, boring film filled with "loud sound scares". I guess you can't win 'em all?
If you haven't seen this clip yet, hurry on and check it out. What you'll see are some of the classic moments from one of the worst films ever made. I cannot believe that Nicolas Cage didn't have a stink when Neil LaBute directed him to scream at a woman to get off a bike with a gun pointed at her. WICKER MAN is an atrocity that even Warner Bros. had to be ashamed to be releasing.
Visually the movie was missing one of the most important things from the original, a good representation of "isolation" and "apocalyptic". The world is coming to an end, the streets are empty and people are nowhere to be seen, so why did it just seem like they were walking through the alleys of NY late at night? There should have been dozens of abandoned cars, looted stores, paper everywhere and so on. The set design was horrendous and tremendously hurt the emotional content of the film. In the end what hit theaters was a cheap shot-on-the-lot rip-off of a terrifying original. Pissssss.
Good God what the hell happened here? Besides a hilariously bad deer attack sequence, all of the actors looked as if they were deer themselves - staring into headlights. Naomi Watts - one of the greats of our time - looked like she had NO CLUE on what was going on. This has to be one of the biggest fumbles in the history of sequels. If a third film ever comes out I pray to the Gods of horror that it doesn't suck this bad.
Sony Screen Gems' remake of John Carpenter's classic THE FOG is especially bad. I'll leave you with this... the movie ends with two ghosts kissing and everything ends happily ever after. PG-13 fun.
Walt Disney Pictures releasing a horror film? Disguising it as a Touchstone Picture? Either way, what hit theaters was an hour and half long drama about a woman, a child and a whole lot of water. Horrendous on every aspect this remake owes me my money back, my time back and a few (now) dead brain cells back.
Yes, even WORSE than DARK WATER and THE FOG is Sony Screen Gems' babysitter stalker film, which features more fake scares that an old woman getting on an escalator. We have cats, birds and even ice machines all creating chaos, and then the killer comes. Whoopee. A fight on the stairs being the only highlight, why wasn't this on the Hallmark Channel?
Source: Bloody-Disgusting
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