I think we can all agree that even as horror movie characters go, Seth Brundle got a pretty raw deal. Brilliant scientist, hot girlfriend, thought he was about to change the world with the most revolutionary invention since the wheel. But things didn’t turn out so well for Dr. Brundle in the 1986 classic The Fly, did they? Yet believe it or not, it could’ve been worse. Brundle’s downfall came because a fly happened to wander into his teleportation pod and merge its DNA with his. But there are a lot of other things that could’ve accidentally been in that pod. Here are the top ten worst of them…
The Top 10 Worst Things That Could've Been in Brundle's Machine... Besides a Fly
It’s entirely conceivable that, had Seth Brundle teleported with a guppy or something, he might’ve ended up like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. Costner’s implausible gills were just one of the things that ruined that turkey, imagine what they would’ve done to Cronenberg's masterpiece!
9. A Dog
Take a human and a canine, put them together in this chromosomal Cuisinart, and what do you end up with? That’s right kids, it’s Bob Dog from Mr. Rogers, quite possibly the creepiest character in the history of children’s television!
8. A Bird
This one’s kind of easy to figure out. If you put a bird and a man together and mixed their DNA, you’d have…well, Birdman of course. Jeff Goldblum would look pretty damn goofy in that ridiculous Hanna-Barbera get-up, but at least he might be able to land a job as a lawyer…
7. A Horse
There are really two ways this could go. If Brundle was lucky, he might walk out a centaur. That would actually be kind of kick-ass. But, on the other hand, he could turn out like Mr. Ed. What’s that? How would he fit a horse in the chamber? You’re thinking too much, just go with it.
6. A Goat
The brilliant minds behind Saturday Night Live already contemplated this one a few years back, and the result was Goat-Boy, portrayed by the one and only Jim Breuer of Half-Baked fame. I’m especially glad it didn’t go down like this. Who wants to see a one-trick pony SNL skit stretched out for an hour and a half?
5. A Houseplant
There’s a very good chance that if Brundle had absentmindedly left his geranium lying around the transporter pod, he could’ve been turned not into the Fly, but rather the Swamp Thing. Hey, going from Geena Davis to Heather Locklear is trading up, in my book.
4. An Ant
When it comes to insects, the good doctor should thank his lucky stars that it was a fly and not an ant that had crawled in there with him. If it had been, Brundle just may have found himself transformed into Ant-Man, comicdom’s lamest hero of all time. And don’t give me that “proportionate strength of an ant” crap. He sucks.
3. Geena Davis
What if Goldblum had taken the big leap with his leading lady by his side? I shudder to think of what may have emerged from that capsule once their two genders had merged, the testosterone and estrogen blended together…Alright, who am I kidding, Davis probably had more testosterone than he did.
2. An Alien
I’m talking about the Ridley Scott/James Cameron, face-sucker, double-jawed variety of Aliens here. Unfortunately, anyone who made it through Alien: Resurrection knows exactly what a human/Alien hybrid looks like. Once was enough, thank you very much.
and the number one worst creature that could’ve possibly gotten into the teleporter with Seth Brundle…
1. A Cat
After leaving Broadway’s Wintergarden Theater ten years ago feeling robbed of fifty bucks, I’ve seen all the people in furry suits that I ever want to see. The last thing any of us needs is to watch Jeff Goldblum prancing around dressed like Rum Tum Tugger. And if you thought the medicine closet filled with body parts was bad, there’s no way you’d be ready for the dreaded litterbox scene…
For more of my opinions on the world of horror, plus news and other interesting stuff, check out my daily blog, The Vault of Horror.
The newest ant-man owns because unlike all these "I'll uses these super powers for good" hes more like "I'll use these powers for what ever the hell I want" and he dose he spies on two chicks in the shower standing less then 2 feet away from them of course in ant sized mode one was ms marvel( WHO IS STACKED!!!), anyway .....something worst roise o'donell in the machine...or worst the plot line of the new halloween, Prom Night or One missed call
Just so terrogore knows, the dog he was asking about won the ugliest dog competition a couple of years back & just might be the scariest looking living creature i ever have seen.Sadly, last I heard it's dead now so let's all have a moment of silence...(by the way, if the CLOVERFIELD monster would have looked like that dog, HOLY SHIT that would have been AWESOME!!!) Anyway, I think if a bat had somehow made it's way into that machine w/ Brundle that would be Frickin' Bananas. First because those little bastards are ugly and two because they creep me the fuck out.
Does anyone else think that dog looks linda like the crypt keeper? Also some other type of nasty ass bug would have been creepy too like a cockroach or one of those big ass camel spiders.
Yeah that dog was featured in the papers over here (UK) a while ago. It's real and it's just really fucking ugly. It made me feel sick how the woman talked about how much she loved it. I think some people almost came around and thought it was sweet. I didn't, I thought it was fucking sick. Put that mess down, it's horrific.
The fly is an exellent movie and one of the best remakes ever. Who knows what could be in his machine. Maybe Pee wee herman came from his machine and that is why is so messed up. Like I said who knows.
I know this may sound stupid but remember how there was a monkey in the machine early in the movie,well what if the monkey had taken a shit before it died and brundle got in?
I think a steaming pile of sh^t would have been awful [then again the makers of WEIRD SCIENCE would have filed a lawsuit due to the similarity to older brother Chet Donnelly (played by Bill "You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue" Paxton)]!!!!!
~(^)~
I agree with blake_55...the dog does look like the canine version of the Cryptkeeper. It's just an unflattering picture of Sam. The cat is one of those hairless cats, which was obviously in a very bad mood when the picture was taken.
I would have to say Armadillo or Possum should have made this list... ever hit one on the whilst driving? They make the most evil face afforded by any animal. Armadillo's are practically made of leather (already tanned leather) and has a mock shell. That would suck in the transition phase.
Great list! Although, for my money, Rush Limbaugh is scarier than a cat(even a hairless one). Aiiieeee!!!!!
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