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Old 02-13-2013, 09:27 AM   #6981
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Granted, but the publishing houses are looking for more "twilightish" crap, and your work is not discovered until half a decade after you starve to death.

I wish Leigh Whannell was my concubine.
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:24 PM   #6982
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He is... But loathes you... Which makes you overeat.. And have a tv remote growing out of your left leg.

I wish my boyfriend knew what I was thinking.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:59 PM   #6983
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Granted but now he wants to kill you.

I wish my movies would come in the mail
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Old 02-19-2013, 07:13 AM   #6984
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Granted, they are delivered today, by this guy.



I wish you had used FedEx.
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:59 AM   #6985
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Granted, but he forgot to cut air holes in the box so the live bunnies he was sending you are not going to be happy.


I wish I had a genie in a bottle . . .
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Old 03-06-2013, 07:53 AM   #6986
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Granted but he's agoraphobic and won't come out.

I wish spring would spring.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:09 PM   #6987
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Granted, but you sleep straight through it.


I wish we could have one last big snow before the end of winter.
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Old 03-07-2013, 07:58 AM   #6988
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Granted! Followed by one big flood when it all melts 5 minutes later.


I wish I had floaties.
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Old 03-13-2013, 03:29 PM   #6989
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You have floaters, in your glass of water, and they're brown, and the water came from the toilet. And you didn't know that because the sick bastard who gave it to you is such a nice guy and teaches Sunday school and also volunteers at the local animal shelter, plus he writes kids books.

I wish I was amnedextrious and knew how to spell.
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Old 03-14-2013, 07:06 AM   #6990
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Granted, but you can only do math with your toes because your talented hands think it's beneath them.

I wish my ironing was done.
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