BLOODY-DISGUSTING - View Single Post - Leatherface 3D / Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:36 AM   #909
The Revelator
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Originally Posted by DudeClassicMan View Post
You know what this shit was in a nutshell? An MTV Films Production; Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Varsity Blues. Think about that for a second.

Spoiler Below
Edgy (she likes the dark meat) nosey little pseudo goth teenybopper comes into town and uncovers long buried town secret going against the big bad old fuddy duddy good old boy small town establishment that had burned most of her clan alive. (Never mind the fact how hard any of these small town conspiracies are to take in 2013. This, Madison County, Creature, any-fucking-thing. Isolated small towns or small town conspiracies ainít 2012-2013 material.) With some choice vintage Leatherface kills sprinkled in for posterity which is just barely enough of a saving grace to make this one a good disposable watch. The only thing missing was Coach Bud Kilmer being in on the conspiracy somehow because Jed jumped off sides in the big game. I mean have you seen any of these shitty Texass actors that made up the police force here in anything else? Me neither.

Now, letís be honest here; this is all absolutely retarded fucking dogshit. Who cares if they used vigilante justice or not to bring down the Sawyer/Carson clan? Against a clan of murdering cannibals? In short, as a TCM movie, this thing was almost as fucking idiotic as Next Generation. But at least Iím certain that movie considered itself a total joke.

Anybody who claims this works better than TCM 2 as a direct sequel to the original is a fucking idiot. Because none of these extra fucking Sawyers and Carsons that crawled out of the woodwork even existed in the original. This extended family angle was created out of whole cloth. There wasnít any big ass clan or extended family ever remotely hinted at in the original; ever. That was the whole point!

It was only ever three deranged peckerwoods who devolved into murder and cannibalism. The overarching point was how fucked up the family dynamic was between these three idiots. For that matter, the only other film that really achieved the dynamic of the original TCM was the original The Hills Have Eyes and how the only one who had a conscience left was the daughter.

Come to think of it while the facts are the original certainly wasnít based closely enough on Ed Gein to validate or justify ďbased on a true storyĒ Deranged is a pretty close cinematic cousin to TCM as youíre gonna find. The extended clan bullshit of TCM3D extinguishes the whole point of the original; men behaving badly after they lost the only job they knew how to do and no matriarch or any other woman in sight. Stir crazy motherfuckers. Thatís how the trio in the original came off too; not as overwrought overscripted movie characters but as very authentic stripped down raw feeling deranged denizens of some back road you donít ever wanna get lost down.

And even with the extended clan shit they peddled in this, I donít get why vigilantism suddenly turns these fuckers into anti-heroes or victims. Come to think of it, didnít they rip this Molotov cocktail shit off from the way Freddy got his? Burned alive by vigilantes? I guess thatís what happens when these fucking brand name franchises go on and on with sequels and remakes or remakes of sequels; eventually they cross pollinate and cannibalize each otherís ideas because theyíve exhausted everything else.

Now what was good about it? Leatherface and the kills. For example, even though the Leatherface in TCM 3 was a pretty bad ass motherfucker, I think he was as far away from Gunnarís portrayal as Bryniarski was in the remake. TCM 3ís Leatherface was the alpha male of that particular clan. Thatís not what the original Leatherface was at all.

But here Leatherface once again felt like a frightened severely underdeveloped retardo more than a mildly retarded mute out for revenge against the world. That's right, Byrniarski's guy wasn't any more retarded than Forrest Gump.

Donít get me wrong. This new Leatherface canít touch the master Gunnar. But the performance was nuanced enough and physically the guy looked clumsy and chubby enough that he clearly wasnít carrying himself like some Lou Ferrigno Hulk badass in a fat suit and dead skin mask.

All in all, I guess this particular abortion wasnít any worse than any other sequel in all these big horror properties that are the equivalent to PukeDonaldís franchises. Iíve never seen the last Halloween sequel with Chia LePoof and Busta Rhymes but I canít imagine Iíd like it at all so I guess TCM3D at least beats it out. Just go in expecting to see a stupid piece of shit as far away from the ideas set down in the original TCM as possible. This is a fast food remake/sequel with no appreciation for the original. Enjoy the cinematic McNuggets.

this post in a nutshell

"this movie is fucking stupid"
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