The writer's playground/sounding board
I'm setting up a thread for any writer who wants to post up any ideas they are working on as a kind of tester or sounding board. They can be finished pieces , W.I.P.s - Works In Progress, or just some random brainfart. The idea is that you can get feedback from your material or even help developing an idea.
Here's mine - Samson O'Toole -P.H.D. - Paranormal Home Defense.
I got the idea after channel surfing one night. There was one of the those generic lame Paranormal Investigations shows like Most Haunted on one channel and another a home improvements Show on called D.I.Y. S.O.S. where a someone is given help and support to renovate their home, by construction professionals. There was also a nature show where they set up cameras and spend the night watching animals in their habitat. They just sort of mixed in my head and out came an idea for a faux tv show based around Samson O'Toole an Occult Technican and Expert in Practical Parapsychology. The idea is that he's trying to educate the veiwers by showing them handy hints and tips defending themselves against the denizens of the dark. A different " problem" is covered every episode.
Samson O’Toole – P.H.D. - Paranormal Home Defence
We see a middle aged man with a pot belly,a beard and a black baseball cap with P.H.D. written in yellow letters on the front. He’s wearing a checked flannel shirt over a black T-shirt with the same logo as his cap and dark blue carpenters jeans. On his waist he wears a tool belt and in his right hand he carries a yellow and black toolbox with occult markings along the side.
Narrator - He’s taken on everything Supernatural Threat imaginable and survived .
Now Samson O’Toole ,Occult Technican and Expert in Practical Parapsychology will share his secrets with you. He’ll show you how to protect you, your family and your home against the rising threat of Paranormal Activity. You don’t need to be victim any longer.
This is P.H.D. – Paranormal Home Defence.
The camera pans around him in a 360 arc as it inter cuts with artistic renditions from Grimoires of monsters and demonic entities. Cheesey dramatic music with a high tempo kicks in as the titles Samson O'Tool's Paranormal Home Defense fills the screen in black and yellow.
CUTS TO - O'Toole head and shoulders shot in an outside location.
O’Toole - Hi. My names Samson O’Toole. Today I’m going to show you how to stop being a victim to the dark otherworldly forces that at some point in your life may attempt to terrorise and destroy you.
I’ll show you how to form defensive strategies and make effective improvised weaponry from handy everyday house hold items . You don’t need to be a trained monster hunter or exorcist. But you do need to listen to me , as one day it may save your sanity and even your life.
CUTS TO - O'Toole standing next to a woman outside her home , woman has dark hair. She's slightly overweight, and in her mid forties. She has an exhausted air about her as if she has'nt slept all night.
O'Toole "Today I’m in Southern California. I’m here because Karen Grove who watches the show contacted me and asked for my help.
I came here earlier today and assessed the situation and confirmed the presence of malevolent menaces . Karen, maybe you would like to tell us why you called...”
Karen Grove Yeah, I guess... I’ve been noticing for the past week or so my garden gnomes have been moving around at night. In the morning when the sun comes up they’ve not only moved but they’ve changed positions . You know, one of them might be fishing one day and the next they’re in mid-walk. At first I thought it was some kind of a hoax that someone was playing on me. But, I know that they’re the same ones because I wrote numbers on their hats with a black magic marker, it’s my handwriting.
Then ... the thing with the next door neighbour’s cat happened...”
O’Toole – “Ok. Tell us what happened there Karen.”
Karen Grove - “Well, usually the neighbour’s cat has a habit of jumping over the fence and walking around our backyard - it makes the dogs bark. But this time when they started barking and then stopped . A few seconds later I could hear the cat cry it had been hurt. I went out into the back yard with a flashlight and shone it around and there where all the Gnomes covered in blood and the remains of the cat shattered all over the ground. They had eaten it, as I swung my beam amongst them, they froze. But as I moved it away from them, I could hear them move slowly and carefully around in the dark, twigs cracked and fallen leaves rustled with their footsteps.”
O’Toole –“ Okay, thank you Karen. One of the team will now take you to somewhere and make sure that your comfortable, until this is over...”
“ Now, what Karen described to us there was a typical case of Red Cap infestation. Red Caps are nasty cannibalistic sprites from of the Fae family.
The best defence against Red Caps is prevention. That means making sure that you don’t bury any pets in your back yard near any Garden Gnomes.
The Garden Gnomes act as like a kind of summoning effigy. The buried pet acts as a kind of an blood offering and a gateway for the Red Caps to enter our world that then possess and animates the Garden Gnome as a host body . They then use the Gnome to get around and feed. They feed on flesh and blood harvesting it to use as raw building materials to construct better bodies for themselves.
Red Caps are at their most vulnerable in the earlier stages of infestation. They get more resilient the more they feed. Eventually the ceramic of Gnomes slowly cracks then chips away to reveal flesh underneath.
With each meal they get stronger and bolder until they eventually graduate towards bigger prey. Namely us. During the daylight hours they lose their power over the garden gnomes and have to wait until nightfall before they can animate them again and hunt.
You don’t want to tussle with a pack of Red Caps around midnight, that’s when they’re at their most brutal. The darker it is the stronger they are.The closer you are to day the more they weaken. Artificial light, such as Karen’s flashlight will only daze or stun them slightly, in the later stages it has no effect on them what so ever. If a Red Cap becomes “ Full Flesh” they’re able to hunt day or night and are virtually unstoppable. ”
O’Toole moves through the house carrying a yellow and black Tool Box with a crucifix, a star of David and other occult wards along the side.
O’Toole “ Okay what we need to do now is protect the premises, now that the Red Caps have tasted their first fresh meal they will be that little bit stronger with the sun now beginning to set so we need to marshal our defences.
Let’s see what we have in “The O’Toole-Box”.... Nothing Fancy. We have some ordinary household salt and some nails. You need to use the non- galvanized kind since they have more iron content and they retain most of their magnetism. Every household has a fridge magnet, so just use that to test the nails run it up against it and if it sticks then they’re good to use.Ideally, Iron fillings are better of course but let’s face it who has a bag of them lying around the house?”
O’Toole picks up a nail and runs it against the fridge magnet until it sticks holding it up to the camera.
“ Anyway you’ve got your salt and nails , all you need to do now its create a barrier of protection. It’s going to act like a barbed –wire fence against the Red Caps. Find a spot , somewhere that you’ll be comfortable because it’s there that you’re going to spend the night . Create a circle with the nails and salt around it – making sure that the nails are spread apart nice. It’s very important that there is no breaks in the circle .Also once you’re in the circle you can’t leave it otherwise it will be ineffective, so I strongly suggest you take some water maybe something to eat and read. Also a couple of buckets and some detergent inside the circle in order to answer the call of nature. Only when the sun comes up can you leave the circle..”
He pulls out the bed from the wall until it’s in the middle of the room. O’Toole then pours salt carefully in a circle around the bed , laying down nails at intervals, spreading them evenly apart.
“ Okay I’ve set up some cameras in the back yard earlier. They’re infared, I’ll be able to monitor them from my laptop.You can do this too by getting your home installed with CCTV equipment, useful for both earthly and paranormal intruders.”
O’Toole flicks through the cameras he has on his laptop, the Gnomes are beginning to move slowly as dusk settles in to night. The readout in the side of camera says 8.00pm.
O’Toole “ Wow. Look at those little guys, there’s got to me around twenty of them all together. Red Caps appetites escalates rapidly. They’ve had a taste of fresh blood and now want more, they move slowly to begin with but as the night wears on they’ll get more strength, agility and confidence to make they’re move. Preparing themselves go further up the food chain, towards human.”
We see more footage of Red Caps approaching the house from all sides, their ceramics are starting to crack , the eyes are glowing in the dark, like two red hot pinheads.
O’Toole “Now, protection is okay as a tempory fix. But you really want to get your life back to normal as soon as possible and not live the rest of your life in fear trapped inside a circle of salt and iron. So you need to go on the offensive and take the fight to them....”
O’Toole is sitting on the bed in the dark he shines a torch over to the sides where we see some growing lamps sitting.
O’Toole “ What we have here are Hydroponic “ Grow Lights” some folks have them in their home if they want to do a little in door horticulture. Maybe grow some tomatoes or other not-so-legal forms of plant life. The point is ,that they are common enough and you can get at least a couple of the basic models in most good hardware and garden stores.
These Grow Lights are essentially UV lamps and are designed to simulate the effects of the sun, even though not as powerful as the real thing , placed in the right spots they can become an effective weapon against a Red Cap incursion.”
We watch the monitors and see the Red Caps approaching the house. They come in through the back door and in to the bed room sensing the circle they surround the bed and stop their mouths have cracked open to form interlocking ceramic teeth, that bang together like castanets. Then one at a time they start to throw themselves against at the same spot of the protection circle their blood disturbs the salt and nails, soon they will break through.
O’Toole “ Look at them! Man,they are hungry, some will be killed as they touch the circle, they will sacrifice them selves and try to break the circle by throwing themselves at a certain spot. At this rate the circle won’t hold. They’re even more aggressive than I thought. Looks like it’s time to get move into phase 2”.
O’Toole clicks on a remote the room is lit up with Hydroponics
O’Toole “ To the Redcaps it’s suddenly daytime. They’re paralysed by the UV rays from the Grow Lights, they can’t move and are completely defenceless ! Now you need to finish them off with some more iron. Since most items found in a common tool box use iron as a base –it shouldn’t be too difficult finding something that will pierce or destroy their host bodies.
My personal favourite is the nail-gun/Mash Hammer combo.”
O’Toole pulls out the nail gun from his belt and shoots round after round into them while jumping up from the bed and smashing them to pieces with a 5 pound mash hammer. The Redcaps scream high pitched as they explode into clouds of ceramic clay and dark blood.
Once he’s done O’Toole gives a big satisfied sigh and wipes blood and clay dust from his face with the back of his hand smiling into the camera.
O’Toole “ And that. Is how you clear out a Red Cap Infestation.
All that’s left to do now is to clean up and give Karen her home back....
Be sure to tune in next time... When I’ll be showing you the best way to exorcise a demon, just by using a garden hose, two pencils and some duct tape.
Until then,keep on fighting the good fight against the night!”
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