Connect with us

Movies

Best & Worst of 2009: Ryan Daley Picks His Bottom 5!

Published

on

As I’m primarily a DVD critic for Bloody-Disgusting, my year-end Top 10 list traditionally cites only DVD horror releases for a given year, which automatically excludes some of the movies I’ve seen at festivals or through pre-release screeners. Whereas I’m generally jealous of my fellow B-D critics for their all-encompassing year-end lists, I have to admit that 2009 was a fantastic year for horror DVDs, and this list was a pure pleasure to put together. Once again, just so I don’t catch any flak down in the comments, this is a list of the WORST HORROR DVDS OF 2009.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Tim Anderson (Best/Worst) | BC (Best/Worst)
David Harley (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best/Worst)

RYAN DALEY’S BOTTOM 5 OF 2009

5. The Grudge 3 (Sony; May 12, 2009)


This is the first year I’ve had the same director appear on both my “best” and “worst” lists, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. I loved director Toby Wilkins’ Splinter as much as I hated The Grudge 3, a sequel that stomped the previously respectable franchise into the Japanese dirt. Sloppy and awkward, it’s a pasty-faced effort that should be forgotten as quickly as it was conceived.

4. Train (Lionsgate; November 17, 2009)


Train tried its best to swing a big gory dick in the face of horror fans, but the flat characters couldn’t carry the show. Brutal and highly effective makeup effects can’t save a movie with a plot that’s this damn derivative. Hostel on a Train (as it’s been occasionally dubbed) is too kind. Retard Hostel on Car Number Six would be more accurate. Bad plotting, bad characters, bad movie.

3. Gnaw (Dark Sky; October 13, 2009)


Remember in The Fly, after Jeff Goldblum put that steak through his transport pods and then fried it up, how it didn’t quite taste right? If you put a quality torture-porn movie through Brundle’s pods, it would emerge tasting a lot like Gnaw.

2. Paranormal Activity (Paramount; December 29, 2009)


Horror fans have been jizzing all over this movie since September, but here’s my take. Out of all of the people who wanted to see Paranormal Activity, I’d guess about 25% got a chance to catch it in a movie theater. The remaining 75% will have to wait for the DVD release. And I’m predicting the worst DVD backlash this side of The Blair Witch Project. Paranormal Activity has been insanely over-hyped, and soon everyone will see that there’s nothing behind the curtain but a little, musty old man. This movie has been loitering around the festival circuit for the past few years, and it suddenly finds success after Spielberg helps tack on a new ending? Whatever. After mentally preparing themselves for the most frightening movie of the past 10 years, DVD audiences will be faced with a poorly-acted, piece-of-shit home movie with exactly three scares. It’s not going to be pretty. Hope you saw it in the theater when you had the chance.

1. The Canyon (Magnolia; November 17, 2009)


Survivalist drama disguised as suspense film, The Canyon is easily the worst film I’ve seen this year. With picturesque Grand Canyon cinematography and an interesting character performance by Will Patton, it’s a movie that starts with a fair amount of potential before regressing into a slow-witted impression of a Reader’s Digest reenactment. Avoid with extreme prejudice.

Advertisement
Click to comment

Movies

NEON’s Horror Movie ‘Cuckoo’ Gets New Poster, New Release Date

Published

on

Cuckoo starring Hunter Schafer - Cuckoo release date

Up next from writer/director Tilman Singer (Luz) is NEON’s strange horror movie Cuckoo, starring Hunter Schafer (“Euphoria”). NEON unveiled a new poster for the upcoming horror movie today, along with a new Cuckoo release date.

Look for Cuckoo to now arrive in theaters nationwide on August 9, 2024.

Check out the new poster below, and expect the trailer for Cuckoo next week.

In Cuckoo: “Reluctantly, 17-year-old Gretchen leaves her American home to live with her father, who has just moved into a resort in the German Alps with his new family. Arriving at their future residence, they are greeted by Mr. König, her father’s boss, who takes an inexplicable interest in Gretchen’s mute half-sister Alma. Something doesn’t seem right in this tranquil vacation paradise. Gretchen is plagued by strange noises and bloody visions until she discovers a shocking secret that also concerns her own family.”

Dan Stevens (The Guest), Jessica Henwick (Underwater), Marton Csókás (Freelance), Greta Fernández (Santo) and Jan Bluthardt (Luz) also star in Cuckoo.

I wrote in my review out of SXSW, “There’s inventive worldbuilding on display that sets this high-concept horror movie apart and a few intense horror cat-and-mouse scenes that deliver palpable tension. But Singer approaches it with a playful sense of humor that only further nudges Cuckoo into the realm of weird cinema. It’s so refreshingly unconventional and unpredictable in every way, right down to its raucous, entertainingly silly finale, that it’s hard to care about all of the plot that gets discarded along the way.”

NEON is having a busy year in horror. The Sydney Sweeney-starring Immaculate is in theaters now with the Nicolas Cage-starring Longlegs set to arrive in July.

Tom Quinn, Jeff Deutchman, Emily Thomas and Ryan Friscia executive produced Cuckoo for Neon, with producers including Markus Halberschmidt, Josh Rosenbaum, Maria Tsigka, and Ken Kao, Thor Bradwell and Ben Rimmer. Shot on 35mm in Germany, the upcoming film is a cooperation between Germany’s Fiction Park and the United States’ Waypoint Entertainment.

Cuckoo release date

 

Continue Reading