Movies
Story Time: If You Want to Break Up With Me I Won’t Kill You With My Mind.
He’s sick, sad, and strange. And he explores that weird place where humor and horror run into each other. Welcome to the darkly funny world of Paul Bibeau.
Inside you’ll find a creeptacular story entitled “If you want to break up with me I won’t kill you with my mind.” You’ll find more from Bibeau over at Goblin Books.
Just tell me how you feel, okay? I want you to be completely honest. Because if you don’t want to go out with me anymore I need to hear that. I’d be upset sure. But I promise we can still be friends. And I definitely won’t use my powers to put a blood clot in your brain and kill you.
Don’t say nothing’s wrong, because I can tell. There’s this, this distance between us lately. You won’t acknowledge it, but I know it’s there. It’s been there since Tuesday, when that old woman tried to steal your parking spot, and I got into her mind and made her slam the car door on her hand.
What is it? Do you need more time to yourself? Are we moving too fast? You can tell me, because there’s no pressure. I love you so much that I truly want what’s best for you. I know you’re a little worried, because of what happened to Troy, but he was nothing like you. He just didn’t care about people and he hurt me. You’d never do something like that. I don’t want to say more, because that task force is still trying to find him. But he’s not dead or anything. He’s alone somewhere, and he’s going to have a lot of time to think about what he did.
You want to see other people, don’t you? Go ahead! You can say it. Nothing bad will happen. Just say it. Don’t you want to see other people? Seriously. Is that what this is all about?
It’s that bitch, Shelley, isn’t it? The one I’m going to give ovarian cancer? Not because of you, though. She just… she just annoys me sometimes, and I think it would be good to force her go through that so she wouldn’t be so fake all the time. And I know that eventually we’ll be together, so even if you need some space right now, I know it won’t be forever. We were meant to be. I can feel it. This is fine. Fine!
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to start crying. It’s just… I get so emotional when I think about how important we are to each other. And it makes me mad. No, not mad. Frustrated. I’m not really mad, honey.
Wow, what happened to that guy? Over there by the Food Court? It looks like a heart attack – the way he’s turning all purpley. I hope he’s okay.
I didn’t cause that, if that’s what you’re thinking. Really, that wasn’t me. I honestly don’t think it was. I mean, sometimes I get upset, and I can feel this rush of energy, and things just happen. But I’m not doing it on purpose. Like with Shelley. I said I wanted to give her cancer, but I was just kidding. I don’t want her to die. It wouldn’t be my fault if she just… y’know… threw herself off the roof of the school.
Anyway, here: I wrote you a 28-page letter and made you a Paula Cole playlist. Let’s talk this out. I know we can make it work.
Exclusives
‘Humane’ Exclusive Clip Sees Emily Hampshire Weigh Killer Odds in Caitlin Cronenberg’s Feature Debut
The daughter of horror master David Cronenberg, Caitlin Cronenberg, is making her own mark in the genre filmmaking space with Humane, a dark horror satire set in an overpopulated world with grim government sanctions. We’ve got a new exclusive clip that highlights the intense stakes for a family torn apart by the government’s euthanasia program.
Humane will first be arriving in theaters courtesy of IFC Films on April 26, 2024. The film later comes home to Shudder July 26.
The film is described as “a dystopian satire taking place over a single day, months after a global ecological collapse has forced world leaders to take extreme measures to reduce the earth’s population.”
“In a wealthy enclave, a recently retired newsman has invited his grown children to dinner to announce his intentions to enlist in the nation’s new euthanasia program. But when the father’s plan goes horribly awry, tensions flare and chaos erupts among his children.”
Jay Baruchel (This Is The End), Emily Hampshire (Schitt’s Creek), Peter Gallagher (Grace and Frankie), Sebastian Chacon (Emergency), Alanna Bale (Sort Of, Cardinal) and Sirena Gulamgaus (Transplant) will star in Caitlin Cronenberg’s Humane.
Watch the exclusive clip below, which sees ruthless older sibling Rachel York (Emily Hampshire) weighing her odds, both for survival and the family inheritance. With the family forced to make an unthinkable choice, the clip sets up the tense scenario and the film’s dark sense of humor.
“Caitlin has crafted a provocative directorial debut exuding a timeliness and evocative social critique that highlights one of the most assured and exciting new voices to contend with,” Scott Shooman, head of AMC Networks’ Film Group, said. “We are honored to distribute Caitlin’s first full-length feature for its theatrical release and presence on our streaming platform, Shudder.”
“With ‘Humane,’ Caitlin has delivered a wickedly smart, humorous and socially relevant thriller with exceptional performances from its outstanding cast,” added Emily Gotto, Shudder’s VP of global acquisitions & co-productions. “We can’t wait to share this chilling, prescient satire with Shudder members.”
Michael Sparaga wrote the script and also produces the movie.
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