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Story Time: If You Want to Break Up With Me I Won’t Kill You With My Mind.

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He’s sick, sad, and strange. And he explores that weird place where humor and horror run into each other. Welcome to the darkly funny world of Paul Bibeau.

Inside you’ll find a creeptacular story entitled “If you want to break up with me I won’t kill you with my mind.” You’ll find more from Bibeau over at Goblin Books.
Just tell me how you feel, okay? I want you to be completely honest. Because if you don’t want to go out with me anymore I need to hear that. I’d be upset sure. But I promise we can still be friends. And I definitely won’t use my powers to put a blood clot in your brain and kill you.

Don’t say nothing’s wrong, because I can tell. There’s this, this distance between us lately. You won’t acknowledge it, but I know it’s there. It’s been there since Tuesday, when that old woman tried to steal your parking spot, and I got into her mind and made her slam the car door on her hand.

What is it? Do you need more time to yourself? Are we moving too fast? You can tell me, because there’s no pressure. I love you so much that I truly want what’s best for you. I know you’re a little worried, because of what happened to Troy, but he was nothing like you. He just didn’t care about people and he hurt me. You’d never do something like that. I don’t want to say more, because that task force is still trying to find him. But he’s not dead or anything. He’s alone somewhere, and he’s going to have a lot of time to think about what he did.

You want to see other people, don’t you? Go ahead! You can say it. Nothing bad will happen. Just say it. Don’t you want to see other people? Seriously. Is that what this is all about?

It’s that bitch, Shelley, isn’t it? The one I’m going to give ovarian cancer? Not because of you, though. She just… she just annoys me sometimes, and I think it would be good to force her go through that so she wouldn’t be so fake all the time. And I know that eventually we’ll be together, so even if you need some space right now, I know it won’t be forever. We were meant to be. I can feel it. This is fine. Fine!

I’m sorry. I don’t mean to start crying. It’s just… I get so emotional when I think about how important we are to each other. And it makes me mad. No, not mad. Frustrated. I’m not really mad, honey.

Wow, what happened to that guy? Over there by the Food Court? It looks like a heart attack – the way he’s turning all purpley. I hope he’s okay.

I didn’t cause that, if that’s what you’re thinking. Really, that wasn’t me. I honestly don’t think it was. I mean, sometimes I get upset, and I can feel this rush of energy, and things just happen. But I’m not doing it on purpose. Like with Shelley. I said I wanted to give her cancer, but I was just kidding. I don’t want her to die. It wouldn’t be my fault if she just… y’know… threw herself off the roof of the school.

Anyway, here: I wrote you a 28-page letter and made you a Paula Cole playlist. Let’s talk this out. I know we can make it work.

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The Original ‘Alien’ Returns to Movie Theaters for “Alien Day” This Month!

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Before Fede Alvarez’s Alien: Romulus gives the franchise a brand new installment this coming August, Ridley Scott’s original horror classic Alien is headed back to theaters nationwide.

The Alien: 45th Anniversary Re-Release haunts theaters for “Alien Day” on Friday, April 26, 2024! You can check listings and grab tickets through Fandango now.

In celebration of the 45th anniversary of Ridley Scott’s 1979 sci-fi/horror masterpiece, the film will return to theaters for a limited time on April 26, known worldwide as Alien Day.

Plus, before the film, attendees will see “Alien: A Conversation with Ridley Scott & Fede Alvarez,” where Fede Alvarez sits down with Ridley Scott to discuss the film that started the iconic franchise.

You can watch a clip from that special bonus feature down below. In this clip, Ridley Scott and Fede Alvarez discuss the film’s iconic Chestburster scene. One person who couldn’t believe his eyes back in 1979? Stanley Kubrick! Ridley Scott relays a funny story to Alvarez, recalling the time when Kubrick called Scott wondering how the hell he pulled the nightmarish sequence off.

One of the most influential sci-fi/horror films of all time, Alien was released in June 1979 and won an Oscar for best visual effects. Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm, and Yaphet Kotto star. It is the terrifying tale of a crew aboard a commercial spacecraft that lands on an alien planet to investigate a mysterious transmission of unknown origin and encounters the deadliest lifeform in the universe.

Up next, Alien: Romulus will be released only in theaters on August 16, 2024.

Alien April 26 theaters

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