First of all, this review contains spoilers. Nothing that will necessarily ruin the movie for anyone, it does that just fine all by itself. But I do mention a few occurrences you may not want to know if you like going into watching a movie without knowing any specifics.

I love cornball horror movies. I just do, the worse the better- It's like a fetish, I can't help it. Easily added to my list of to-sees for all you corn-lovers out there is Miner's Massacre (aka Curse of the Forty-Niner). Director John Carl Buechler, director of Friday the 13th: Part VII, and normally credited under creature effects and make-up effects on such films as Re-Animator, Piranha, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Troll, etc., brings B-horror goers one small step further into the world of bad horror. This is made possible by lots of very bad acting, uncreative and boring death scenes (except one), and a plot that can barely keep up with itself.

When six sex-starved, stupid young people head into the small town of Suttersville and venture into the woods in search of hidden gold, they come across something none of them ever thought possible. An evil miscreant known as the Forty-Niner (aka Jeremiah Stone, an old guy coincidentally dressed in the same coat and hat as the infamous Creeper of Jeepers Creepers) His gold has been taken and he's very angry about it! (Cue Warwick Davis to enter) Many years ago Stone put a terrible curse upon his gold, damning any and all who find and take it. Should it be taken he will awaken from his deep slumber and kill all those responsible... and then some!

You've got a young couple, one guy of which has a hair style only a mother could love, and a mildly hot girl who despite her lack of character actually convinces you she's in the movie for more reason than to just be chased around by a monster. Then you've got the horny couple... every corn-horror movie\'s got one! How else are they going to work any unnecessary nudity into a film about an evil, undead miner who lives in the middle of the forest? And then the "single" guy, (who strikes me as a Steve Buscemi meets Vincent Vega kind of character) who you know is going to live through the entire movie only to get mortally wounded within the last five minutes. And then there's his greedy, snotty bitch girlfriend who you just know is going to die first if not very very soon. Then there's this hot chick with a Texan accent that stumbles upon the treasure-seekers and joins them, but suddenly gets scared later in the film and strangely loses the accent. Oh, and don't forget the town Sheriff who has no real means but to pop in once in a while to remind us that there is a higher authority watching these little rascals who are up to no good. But, kids will be kids!

The movie takes off all right with a decent computer effect as the evil Forty-Niner awakens after his gold has been snagged. Right off the bat he kills the guy who took it, and then apparently decides to kill someone who has no connection to the theft of his gold at all whatsoever. However, before being sliced open like a grapefruit this guy who discovered the hidden gold had sent a nugget of it to his older sister as well as a letter telling her about his discovery, asking her to get down there and meet him. She can't keep her big mouth shut and decides to invite her boyfriend and four other people who are assumed to be friends of theirs. But, it doesn't really matter anyway because the only reason they're their plot wise is to become dead at some point! Lots of chasing goes on. Lots of the kids running from the bad guy as he walks slowly behind, yet manages to elude them by miraculously showing up right in front of them further up the road. Very basic stuff. The death scenes in this are lame. All except one that includes a shovel, but I'll let you see that one for yourself. You almost never actually see anyone die, just a shot of their blood spraying across the wall or dripping from their hanging corpse. Kudos to the effects guys for the very realistic looking blood though. They have some good shots of people on fire; unfortunately one comes right after a pretty badly done car crash and explosion sequence. The plot is all over the place. People leave, then come back, then the Sheriff comes for no reason, then this crazy woman (Karen Black) shows up all over the place, and then begins a lame flashback scene explaining why the Forty-Niner is what he is, still ironically not explaining anything much at all.

The movie runs at a steady pace but you never feel like it's ever going anywhere. People get chased, someone dies, people get chased, someone dies, people get chased, nosey Sheriff enters and then leaves, people get chased, someone dies. It's very predictable, in that you know exactly who's going to die and in what order. It makes it that obvious. There's nothing suspenseful or surprising about this movie. It is the very definition of unoriginality. And the end is nothing special. Not that the movie really gets your hopes up for a good ending, by the time it gets there you're just happy it's the end.

Miner's Massacre is a bad movie. With any luck my memory will be rid of it within 4-6 weeks. Still, if you're looking for something you can watch without having to pay too much attention and be able to make fun of for sake of conversation between yourself and your fellow watchers, this is your movie.