"The Butterfly Effect" is not really a horror movie, it's made more for the 14-year-old Brittany Spears-loving teeny-boppers than those of us that consider George Romero more important than Orson Welles in the pantheon of cinema history. Somewhere between "Groundhog's Day" and "Dreamscape," this mainstream mass-produced dreck is best viewed on TBS at 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday. "Butterfly" gives us TV's Ashton Kutcher as cutting-edge psychological genius trying to dredge through his childhood blackouts in order to stimulate some worms. Or something.

The first third of the film, while not terribly original, is at least mildly interesting. It tells the story of young Evan Treborn (John Patrick Amedori), who always seems to be blacking out during traumatic events. This portion of the story has a certain taut foreboding, however, the story does slip into camp on more than one occasion. A 13 year old taking out a 17 year old in a movie theater would make the boys in "Smackdown" pause and say "Really, that's too much." After a healthy dose of sexual abuse (courtesy of poor Eric Stolz, can't someone good hire him?), Evan is torn from his first love, Kayleigh, and we're just a smash-cut away from sexy Ashton at college, rooming with the largest goth roommate ever to share a nude scene with a dominatrix.

Once Evan starts revisiting his old memories by way of his carefully kept journals, he finds he has the ability to jump through time, and, in fact, right past wrongs. Before you can say "Flux Capacitor," Evan is leading the perfect life as an obnoxious frat boy with beautiful Kayleigh (Amy Smart) at his side. However, what he changed as a child hasn't affected everything for the good (like the wings of a butterfly starting a typhoon halfway around the world. Get it? Get it?), and soon Evan ends up in the pokey asking a large Mexican with a Virgin Mary tattoo for "protection."

So he returns to the past, and back to the future, and etc. etc. until, if anyone in the audience can't predict the ending, they should have their voting rights revoked. Characters become evil or good depending on the shenanigans Evan pulls in the past, so there's really no one to be that interested in. If you find this description of the "action" boring and poorly thought-out, just imagine the film itself.

The acting is actually not bad, and Kutcher makes a believable enough Evan. He doesn't exactly show his acting chops, but I think my expectations were so low that, since he didn't completely drop the ball, I couldn't help but be impressed. Amy Smart fares better, but she doesn't have much to do other than look, by turn, pretty and run-down. And again, seriously, a plea to Eric Stoltz: If you need the money so bad, I'll lend it to you. You're a good actor, man.

Bottom line: "The Butterfly Effect is the sort of movie that makes my brain hurt. A mere lack of coherence and reason is expected in most mainstream films, but boring and dumb are not to be excused.

The scariest part of the film was listening to the people behind me in the theater gasp. It makes me sad for the movie-going public.