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One of the most POINTLESS films I have ever seen!!
1 hour and 20 mins of washed-up American actors playing their usual type-cast characters of "Oooh, look at me!! I have rugged looks, dirty clothes, a ridiculously deep voice and a gun!! That must mean I'm a hard-nut!!". A-duh!!
Even worse is the DIRE British 'actor' (and I'm stretching the human imagination in calling him that!!) Vinnie Jones who, once again, plays a hard-man, only, as always, it's about as believable as a buffalo auditioning for Cinderella!!
The lame fake American accent is so grating!! Why do any of these 'actors' feel the need to put on such ridiculous voices when they play these parts? It just sounds pathetic and really annoying to listen to, especially for over 1 hour!!
There's no real storyline to this other than some silly tart called Cherokee Kisum who gave Pistolero a key and asked him to keep it safe. She is then killed, along with some other social-retards and Pisterlo and his gang of "Ooh look at us, we're hard-nuts" set about tracking down who killed them and getting revenge. All a little bit sad.
The bar-fight between Comanche and 'The Gent' is one of the most ridiculous things I've seen in a long time. It's just the same old tosh that men seem to love in movies and also reminded me of a typical Saturday night out when you see the really sad little men who have to fight someone just to make themselves feel like they are real men and aren't inferior to everyone!! It's a real eye-rolling experience and you end up looking at the clock thinking "For Christ sake, get your masculine bull**** and rough 'n' tumble over with so we can move on!!".
A lot of deluded "I've got my breasts out!!" whores also frequenting the film with their fellow deluded male actors thinking the world revolves around violence and sex. Anyone who is actually like this in the world obviously has a serious lack of social skills and grasp of common sense.
Anyway, a load of idiots are killed, there is a load of gruff/deep-voiced chitter-chatter about absolute CRAP and most of the time you look at everyone and ask "What the feck are they on about?". None of it makes sense.
Anyway, at the end they go and retrieve a box from the desert and the '666' key, which Pisterlo has been looking after, opens the box and Comanche looks into the box with a look of shock on his face. However, don't get excited - we NEVER find out what was in the f**king box!! Pointless much?!! Just a tad!!
Honestly, it's bad enough having to watch a load of washed-up hard-men wannabe actors doing the yawn-worthy 'macho-shit' for 1 hour 20 mins but when the end comes and you still have no idea what it was all about you kind of lose the will to live!!
Honestly, don't bother with this!! Absolute SHITE!!
A usual Tarrantino film... Could have been better, but if you like Tarrantino give this movie a watch... I'm a big fan of Vinnie Jones and Mike Madsen thought they had comedic and interesting roles... Decent movie not a waste of time IMO
Entertaining enough with some well done shots and what not.
Posted By: Slushie_Man at 11:21am, January 18, 2009
I really enjoyed this new-age grindhouse flick, despite the very confusing story-telling narrative, and I loved its amazingly so-horrible-its-good campy dialog and action. Would have liked to see more of Vinnie Jones and his biker gang though.
this movie shows more boobs then action and it confuses me if i like this movie or not
but by the time it was over i was like ok.....thats it?
and the bads guys werent all that bad =|
thats why this movie isn't that good to me
Pretentious middle-aged people annoy me. Spineless pansies who are only hardcore because they have a gun in their hand also annoy me. When you put those two dominate character traits into a group of men and make a movie about them, it's simply not entertaining to watch. Generally, I don't care if a character is unlikeable if it has something to actually do with the story, but being entertaining is the only thing Hell Ride was made for. And watching middle-ages men live out their boyish sexual and adventurous fantasies on screen is simply not entertaining. It's the kind of thing that you would expect from a comedy like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, but in a wannabe action movie? Come on.
And let me emphasize the "wannabe" in that statement. Point blank: this movie is purely nothing but talking scenes with a few guns fired between them. Why did that work in Pulp Fiction? Because in Pulp Fiction the conversations were actually interesting and original, whereas here they're simply a rip-off of Quentin Tarantino. And some of the worst Quentin Tarantino rip-off conversation scenes EVER. At one point Larry Bishop's character talks about dust. Dust! This isn't funny or cleaver, unlike Quentin Tarantino's standard, it's just stupid.
Likewise, the level of violence is absolutely pathetic. This is supposed to be a brutal motorcycle movie, but there is nothing whatsoever that is brutal. It's the same complaint I had with Grindhouse. These movies are all meant to be ultra-violent, but they don't even reach the level of violence held by most standard action movies. Are we really that saturated with political correctness that brutality is a foreign concept to filmmakers anymore, expectantly those who are trying to emulate ultra-violent films of the past? Gore scenes are few and far between, and when they do happen the gore effects are absolutely unrealistic.
The directing is the second biggest failure. Once again, this film is trying to emulate films of the past, yet the directing is done with a spotless camera with crystal-clear picture? Not to mention the cliché surealim scenes thrown in for no other reason than to add an "arthouse" angle—aka cheesy angle. I don't care how low the budget was, there is no excuse for directing this bad. Period.
The plot is very simple (two rival gangs) but is played out in a way that is nearly impossible to understand when you're watching it. This is probably because you can care less who lives or dies, and the title cards do not help whatsoever.
But all this is pretense when you think of something I see very few people mentioning: what is the point of making a homage movie? Seriously. You've seen it all; why do you need to see it again? Sure it relives nostalgia from when you first watched The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, but it's still utterly pointless, even if it were well-done. It's just more of the same.
I didn't think this was nearly as bad as BD told me it was going to be, I ended up avoiding this one for quite awhile, but when I was all out of options I rented and thought it was fairly decent. The dialogue, at times, could be a bit trying as it though it was much more clever than it was, BUT.... the fucking girls were fine, the gore was great, and the acting was top notch... give it a try
Posted By: gorehound62 at 5:06pm, November 14, 2008
people say that this is a direct ripoff of tararntinos style by larry bishop, and it is. but if you knew that going into the film, why are you so upset. hey, if tarantino puts his name on the film, more than likely it will feature some tarantinoisms. stop worrying about the idea, just enjoy the film, and the over the top preformances. vinnie jones is deliciously evil as the main heavy.
It wasnt great, You could definately tell Larry Bishop was aiming to copy Tarantino's style and fell short, but it was an enjoyable movie. Nice, and violent, and titties and bush all over the place. What more could a man ask for?
My review for this movie might be a tad slanted since I love biker movies, even bad ones. But I will say that I fully understand why this movie would get bad reviews...
The dialogue is just atrocious, the plot is completely muddled, Larry Bishop is a terrible actor, and after the 20th faux tough guy, gruff voice you hear you'll start to wish you were born deaf. This movie is just ridiculous.... and that's why I KIND OF like it.
If you go into this movie with the frame of mind that you're about to see and hear some truly ridiculous shit, then you might end up not hating it and actually enjoying the stupidity on display. Then again, I really can't blame you if you do end up hating it because there really isn't a whole lot to like, except for the copious amounts of hot and naked broads, the extra bloody violence, and the more than cool shots of the bikers riding down highways.
Im sorry Mr. Disgusting is sounds like you have something against QT or LB. I liked the movie, it was short and sweet. And sometimes its cool for everything to remain a mystery, sometimes i dont want character devlopment, or why does he do that? And it kind of pissed me off we didnt find what was in the box but who cares, this movie had one of the best throat slashings of all time.
Hell Ride fucking R-O-C-K-E-D!!! Puh-leezzz, man, what the fuck are you smoking! Even my chick had to admit that it was nonstop, 100% entertaining, and she's not into dude films. I'm totally baffled. I mean, fucking seriously... !!!
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