The DVD cover of BROTHERHOOD OF BLOOD trumpets the cinematic reunion of horror legends Ken Foree and Sid Haig like some sort of Z-horror jerk-off preview for RIGHTEOUS KILL. Dude, it’s Foree and Haig, not Coombs and Crampton, but hey, they were both serving time in that shitty-ass DEVIL’S REJECTS, and THAT was technically a horror movie, so it’s definitely worth getting them together for a stillborn direct-to-DVD vampire film, right?

BROTHERHOOD OF BLOOD is another recent release under the Ghost House Underground label, but it’s obviously one of the lesser films in the collection. The plot is horribly, unnecessarily convoluted, with the narrative moving back and forth in time with practically every scene change: from Brazon, Romania (3 weeks ago), to San Pedro, California (today), to Los Angeles, California (yesterday), back to San Pedro (last night), and then back to L.A. (today), and on and on, until you feel like you’re mired in a rift in the space/time continuum that allows only the repetitive performances of bad actors trying to enunciate through plaster fangs.

Here’s the plot: Tom’s brother got scraped by a dead vampire’s tooth while exploring in Romania and everybody is trying to find him before he turns vamp, including a pack of obviously inept vampire hunters (led by Leno-jawed huntress Victoria Pratt) and a bunch of vampires with vaguely European accents. Tension is minimal, as much of the film is shot on interior sets that would look extremely cheap if they weren’t perpetually drenched in steam from off-camera smoke-machines. The vampire hunters capture and torture vampire Ken Foree—wearing a puffy Seinfeld-style pirate shirt and full-on buccaneer get-up—in order to obtain information, and their garbled interrogation takes up the majority of the film’s running time. It turns out that all the vampires are scared because Satan, himself, is rumored to be riding in on his sleigh to clean some vampire house. All of the vampires refer to Satan as “Vlad Kosay”, and they invoke his name so many times (as in, “I am so afraid of Vlad Kosay!”) it becomes pretty obvious that they’re ripping off THE USUAL SUSPECTS within the first 30 minutes.

With choppy action scenes, stilted gore, and poor direction all around, BROTHERHOOD OF BLOOD doesn’t have much to recommend it. It’s cool that Foree and Haig got together again, but why? Because of the off-screen talent involved? Give me a fucking break. This is one of the worst movies I’ve seen so far this year.