Coffin Joe Trilogy In Los Angeles!! 11:03pm, October 8, 2009
If you've never seen any of the Coffin Joe Trilogy, you are truly missing out on some of the all-time insanest (that a word?) horror movies. The newest film, Embodiment Of Evil (read my slightly spoiler-y review HERE), is screening at the Cinefamily in Los Angeles, and you don't have to have seen the first two in order to understand what's going on (I would argue that you won't be able to tell what is going on half the time even if you HAVE seen them). All you need to know is, Joe is a guy who really REALLY hates God, hates all other humans, and wants a son. Trust me, you need to see this movie. You'll never look at melted cheese the same way again.
Here is a trailer for the month long series; each film is playing (on Friday nights), check out all three if you can!!! And check the CINEFAMILY SITE for more info!!
I love Shocker. And if you are a person of sound mind and heart, you love Shocker. Otherwise, sod off!!
Still here? Good. Because there are two Shocker news-worthy stories I need to tell you about.
First, the 20TH ANNIVERSARY SCREENING! This is happening tomorrow (October 3rd) at 11:59 PM at the kickass, awesome, wish-it-was-a-woman-so-i-could-marry-it New Beverly Cinema in Los Angeles. I will be co-hosting the screening along with Phil Blankenship and Amoeba Music. "So what?" you might be saying? Well, what if I told you that this was a brand new print of the film? Still not sold? OK, what if I told you that WES CRAVEN HIMSELF is going to be joining us for a pre-movie Q&A??? Along with Ted Raimi (Pac-Man), Vincent Guastaferro (Pastori) and Richard Brooks (Rhino), plus maybe another surprise guest or two! All of this for only 7 bucks!!
You can buy tickets HERE or at the door (cash only). Don't miss out - it's going to be epic!
Then, if you are not in Los Angeles, or just cannot quench your Horace Pinker thirst with a mere screening, then feel free to head HERE and download my new audio commentary track for Shocker! It's an MP3 track, and all you have to do is start the track at the same time as your DVD. I point out some trivia and actors and stuff, like a real commentary, but I also make jokes and sing along with the awesome songs, like an idiot. Either way it's fun for you.
And remember - if a guy crawls out of your TV late at night, he intends to kill you! Run!
Because B-D readers tend to prefer shorter reviews, I wrote an alternate "Bloody Disgusting Exclusive" Halloween 2 review, which is only 2 pages long as opposed to five and a half like the one I wrote for Horror Movie A Day. I also spoil a lot in that one, but this one is largely spoiler-free (anyone who cares probably saw it by now anyway, but still).
But Mr Disgusting never ran it and I don't want it to go to waste, so here it is. Enjoy!
ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN 2
Few films have divided the horror community as much as Rob Zombie’s 2007 “re-imagining” of John Carpenter’s Halloween. Some loved it and others loathed it, and that was before they had even seen it. As for me, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I “hated” it, but I was certainly no big fan. I liked the asylum stuff, and over time I have come to enjoy the “young Michael” scenes in Haddonfield. But that 2nd hour? Forget it. However, and this is important to remember, I did like Rob’s previous films, and had every intention of enjoying his sequel, considering that he would be free to make his own film (not to mention that he showed tremendous growth from 1000 Corpses to Devil’s Rejects - few filmmakers can claim to have made a better sequel to their own original film). So how does Halloween 2 fare?
(Minor spoilers ahead)
Well, it’s an improvement over the first one, that’s for sure. Apart from some minor similarities in the (brief) hospital sequence to the original Halloween II, nothing about this film can be seen as a copy of a scene from any other Halloween film. The story changes drastically after that hospital scene is finished, as we follow Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) as she tries to get over her ordeal a year (or two - there seems to be some discrepancy there vs. what the film tells us and what Rob Zombie has said in interviews) later. Now living with Annie and Sheriff Brackett, she is no longer the wholesome teen she was before her encounter with Michael Myers. Instead, she’s a pill-popping “punk” girl who has frequent nightmares, and as the film progresses, begins hallucinating about the biological family she never really knew.
Of course, Michael is also back, and for most of the film he is merely wandering around Haddonfield minding his own business, only killing those who threaten him or offend his mother's memory. Only his mask shows signs of having a close range magnum gunshot; the only other physical change to his appearance is the hobo beard.
Rounding out the returning folks is Loomis (Malcolm McDowell). As he is not dead (Loomis went with the director’s cut ending of the first film I guess), he has written another book and is currently out promoting it, much to his chagrin, as he hates journalists (ha-ha, Rob). These scenes are not without merit (love the scene in the bookstore), but there is a sense of detachment to them that really bugged me. It isn’t until the film’s final moments that he actually interacts with Laurie, Brackett, or Michael, and that is probably one of the film’s biggest flaws. Granted, it’s more Laurie’s story this time around, but why bother having him in this easily removable B-story when all it does is remind us how much more interesting a character he is than Laurie, and that we’d rather be seeing him deal with Michael?
In reality, there isn’t a hell of a lot of a story here. It’s largely a collection of scenes with almost zero narrative thread, to the extent that you can easily remove large chunks of the film without it making a lick of difference. Hell, the Rabbit in Red scene could almost be considered a leftover from the 1st film, since it comes out of nowhere here and has nothing to do with anything. And it’s STILL not clear what Michael aims to accomplish by getting to Laurie (kill her? Have her over for dog?); hell, it’s not even clear that he wants her at all. He presumably follows her to a party, but settles for merely killing one of her new friends. And instead of then getting to her, he then leaves and kills someone else on the other side of town. If Laurie decided to stay with her other friend or maybe hit up a Denny’s, it’s possible that Michael never would have run into her at all; their sole encounter is largely up to coincidence.
But while it may lack a good story, it at least has a healthy dose of oddball humor, a Rob Zombie staple that was largely absent from the first film. Loomis’ occasional remarks and outbursts are usually worth a chuckle or two, and I guarantee you’ll hear at least one smartass yelling “Cow!” as everyone exits the theater. Brackett also has a more three-dimensional role this time, and Brad Dourif seems to be having more fun, talking up Lee Marvin and complaining about Annie’s newfound vegetarian tastes. Speaking of Annie, Danielle Harris fans might want to wait for the inevitable director’s cut DVD - it seems her role was largely left on the cutting room floor (nearly all of the footage we’ve seen of her from the trailers is not in the film).
But sadly, the funniest stuff is a collection of scenes with Sheri Moon Zombie - and I’m pretty sure they’re not meant to be funny. She appears as a vision to Michael (and later, Laurie), telling him to come home and get the family together and other stuff. It’s the type of idea that might work on the page, but visually, it’s just laughable. It’s not Moon’s fault (I actually thought she was pretty good in the first one), it’s just a ridiculous visual regardless of the actress playing the role. Meryl Streep wouldn’t come off any better, especially when a goddamn white horse gets tossed into the mix (don’t ask). Eventually, these visions are full blown drug trips, with pumpkin-headed guys and glass coffins and such. Again, they’re not supposed to be funny, but it’s a delightful sight nonetheless. Fans of the batshit Halloween III (of which I am one) will certainly enjoy these sequences, just perhaps not in the way they were intended to.
On a technical level it’s also an improvement over the last one. The last film was riddled with horribly noticeable continuity errors, jarring camera angles, etc, but that is not the case here. New DP Brandon Trost seems a good fit for Zombie’s style; though the smaller aspect ratio makes the more frantic scenes feel cramped. Rob has also kept the annoying cameos to a minimum; opting for actual character actors who we are used to seeing in small roles (Mark Boone Junior, Richard Riehle, Sean Whalen) instead of past-their-prime genre vets (Margot Kidder is probably the only one that comes to mind; Eileen Deetz’s publicized role was seemingly left on the cutting room floor). As a result, it’s a film that isn’t constantly distracting you away from itself.
So there you have it. It’s better, but not by much, and strangely lackluster, which in some respects makes it feel like the lesser film. For all its faults, at least the original had a momentum and purpose to it - this one plays like a collection of deleted scenes. Maybe the film was gutted by the studio, or maybe Rob didn’t have the time to edit the film to his liking. Or maybe he just didn’t care - it’s well known that he didn’t want to make the film in the first place. Whatever the case may be, it passes for lazy entertainment, but nothing more.
Head over to Horror Movie A Day for BC’s more in-depth (and thus more spoiler-y) review!
COMMENTARY: Friday the 13th Part 8! 11:52am, August 12, 2009
You hate it... you love it... Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is one of the more heavily debated entries in the series. "It's not in NY enough!" "It has no blood!" cry its critics. "At least it was doing something different!" "JASON PUNCHES A GUY'S FUCKING HEAD OFF!" shout back its defenders. What side do I fall on? Well, why not find out while watching the movie again?
You see, I have recorded a commentary track for the movie. To enjoy my thoughts while you watch the film, simply download the mp3 commentary track HERE (it's about 80 mb). Then load it up at the same time as your F13 8 DVD - the timecodes should be running in sync (within half a second anyway). If my reactions seem to be delayed, then pause the movie for the appropriate time; if I seem to be laughing at events before they occur, then pause me. About 15 minutes into the movie, the nerdy character (Wayne) says "She's sexy..." and I say it at the same time, so there's a good place to re-sync if it's off.
Unfortunately this is only in NTSC format for now, I am working on a PAL version for our overseas friends.
Enjoy!! And if you like/dislike it, or have any problems, please head over to Horror Movie A Day and let me know, as I am more likely to see your response in a timely manner.
This is possibly the funniest thing I've ever read on the internet (outside of The Onion anyway). Hats off and all the kudos in the world to Topless Robot for breaking down the movie bit by bit in the form of a FAQ.
A sample:
So the Decepticons want the shard? Why?
Uh... to bring Megatron back to life?
What?
That's what they said.
But the Allspark killed Megatron in the first movie.
Yes.
...and now it can also bring him back to life.
It's very powerful, this Allspark.
Read the whole thing HERE, and don't forget to go see the movie again this weekend!
