Dinner at Chuck E Cheese's and then a little Death Race?! 9:34pm, April 17, 2008
So my sister-in-law's boyfriend isn't here anymore, so now it's my turn to rock out on my Xbox 360. TJ introduced me to a game called BIOSHOCK, which I got a little over a week ago. I'm about on the fourth level now and can easily play for a good four hours straight - and it kills me to have to put the remote down. The worst part is I spent the entire morning playing so not only did I not work out, but I'm up at 2:30 writing this for you guys. The game is so rad, from the game play to the graphics. The game also takes place in a city like Atlantis, underwater and yet historic looking, very cool stuff.
After a few hours of madness, I had to stop because UPS came with a VIP package... NECA's TMNT action figure set! I've been so busy I only had time to open them and kind of set 'em up. Michaelangelo's leg already broke, so I hope NECA will send me a replacement (boo!). Besides that boo boo, the figures are AWESOME and have about 300,000 points of articulations. Where was this when I was 13?
After I got 'em out of the package I had to get read to go, we were heading off to see Paul W.S. Anderson's DEATH RACE remake! WOO! I was so excited, because as much as I hate his movies, I always expect that one day we'll get another EVENT HORIZON. More on this later...
So we were trying to figure out where to eat beforehand and as we were getting close we passed a Chuck E. Cheese's. I suggested it because I had been joking about going there for my birthday, and nobody argued so the next thing we knew we were walking into the land of cheese!
I really had high hopes in terms of the quality of the food, people kept telling me the breadsticks were awesome. And when we saw the pizza I thought magic was about to happen. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Chuck E. Cheese's pizza is THE WORST PIZZA I have ever put in or near my mouth. If there was anything with less flavor on this planet it would be air. The pizza tasted like hot air... that's it. The breadsticks were meh and the wings were even more meh. Although they do get points for presentation (no they don't, who am I kidding?). Food rating F-
The atmosphere was pretty much what I expected, only the "live band" of the Chuck E. Cheese's characters were almost muted. You could barely hear them sing their crappy cover songs. It was hilarious though that they had CEC TV and had music videos with the characters in costume - along with decade old ads for Hi-C, which ruled. The walls had awesome fake gold records for the bands, which were the best part of the dive children's restaurant. Atmosphere gets a C+ overall.
But we're not here to review Chuck E; he's a legend and he's BEYOND reviews (if you can sell bland pizza and still be in business, you're a God to me). We're here to talk about Paul W.S. Anderson's DEATH RACE remake, which test screened tonight. Yours truly was in the audience with a few friends. The experience was beyond hilarious as people kept making jokes about THERE WILL BE BLOOD, BOOGIE NIGHTS and other Paul Thomas Anderson movies around W.S. Unless they're morons, they sounded like they were just f-cking with the director as he walked around the lobby.
When the movie started there was one guy who screamed "Direct to DVD!" and a bunch of people laughed, then someone else followed with "This BETTER be good Paul!"
I'm really good at having a preconceived notion about a film and completely dismissing it when it starts. I can like ANYTHING, it doesn't matter who is in it or who directed it. I think that DEATH RACE is one of Paul's better movies, only he ruins it with his atrocious and nauseating camerawork. The movie itself is filled with awesome races, loads of explosions and tons of blood. But there is still the problem of the screenplay, which features ridonkulous dialogue, illogical characters/situations and cliche direction.
If you thought the directing in BOURNE SUPREMACY was bad, just wait until you see this hunk of bologna. I don't get motion sick in theaters, CLOVERFIELD didn't bother me and neither did DIARY OF THE DEAD or BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, but DEATH RACE made me want to vomit all over the place. The camera work was over-the-top ridiculous and I can't believe the producers didn't step in after seeing some dailies and force him to tighten his shots up a bit. Even through the sh-t screenplay I could have found something special in this film (kind of like DOOMSDAY), but I couldn't see anything! Below you'll find my short film I shot on the way home, starring Bill and yours truly. I call it 'DEATH RACE NO-THOUSAND'.
Afterwards one of my friends sat in on the focus group where he said 25 out of 27 people liked the movie, including himself. People liked the action, the opening and the ending a lot. Yet people were constantly confused and didn't get what was going on. My favorite was some flaws Bill explained to be from one of the focus people. The warden who does the "Death Race" sells PPV's in three parts for $100 each, or $250 for all 3 segments. Based on how many victories each play had there were about 12 Death Races in the past. According to the warden, there were 70 million viewers. Do the math, that means she makes $17.5 billion dollars a death race. Times that by 12 and you're talking about over $200 billion in revenue. When you see this movie you'll see the warden constantly manipulating the game and getting really, really pissed off. Who the f-ck would give a sh-t if they have $200 billion dollars. It's so goddamn ridiculous. There were all sorts of really weird moments that went along with that thought like how the warden wants the games to last longer, yet she sends out a death truck to destroy all of the contestants in round 2. She's pissed when only Tyrese and Statham are remaining. Like she'd really want to blow making about $2 billion by not having a third race? So retarded.
I really wanted to like the movie, but I thought it sucked, which isn't all that surprising. The biggest bonus points go to Anderson for using a Nine Inch Nails song from Broken, which was so rad to hear in a feature film. In terms of W.S. I'd say this is his third best movie behind EVENT HORIZON and RESIDENT EVIL. Car racing fans will dig it, that's a guarantee - and from the sound of it so will teenage girls.
After the movie we headed back to my place for some SOUTH PARK and chicken wings to try and wash the bad taste out of our mouth from the previous five hours. SP was great once again and now I'm just trying to forget that the first two episodes ever happened.
On another note the NBA Playoffs start this weekend and the Lakers somehow took the #1 spot and have easy street all the way to the Conference Finals. I think we might get to see some Boston vs Lakers madness. The great feud returns from the dead!
Oh, and you thought I was done!
Continuing on from my SIMPSON'S blog, Monday night I went out with three friends from Chicago. My buddy Dave Gordoni has lived here for about 10 years and works for The Key Club, my other friend Matt Cicowski moved to Long Beach three months ago and is trying to find a job, and Matt Kessler was visiting from Chicago. I've known both Matts for 20 f-cking years. What the hell? When did I get so freakin old? Last night I checked and cared I was 21, not I'm 28. Where the eff did those seven years go? Apparently into B-D...
Anyways, so we went to The Key Club for some Metal School fun. Dave books the shows so we get in no problem and he also hooks us up with drinks - so freakin sweet. the band is hilarious and is also extremely talented. Their cover songs sounds flawless . It was really great hanging with all three of them as it's been nearly 10 years since the three of us were in the same room together. It really was like old times, like riding a bike, it feels exactly the same. Dave was a dick, Matt Cic didn't talk, I talked too much and Kessler added in. Something odd I've noticed since I've lived here in Los Angeles, out here everyone is called by their full first names. Lots of people go by David, Matthew, Bradley, Daniel, etc etc. In Chicago it was always last names like "Yo Miska!" It's interesting how different each region is.
Ok, so now it's 3 AM, I hope you're proud of yourselves. You better be reading this if I'm staying up all night just to tell you about my psychotic life. Have sweet dreams, until next time.
I gotta know... was Death Race more like The Running Man rather than a remake of Death Race 2000? It sure as heck looked like it...
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So my sister-in-law's boyfriend isn't here anymore, so now it's my turn to rock out on my Xbox 360. TJ introduced me to a game called BIOSHOCK, which I got a little over a week ago. I'm about on the fourth level now and can easily play for a good four hours straight - and it kills me to have to put the remote down. The worst part is I spent the entire morning playing so not only did I not work out, but I'm up at 2:30 writing this for you guys. The game is so rad, from the game play to the graphics. The game also takes place in a city like Atlantis, underwater and yet historic looking, very cool stuff.
The atmosphere was pretty much what I expected, only the "live band" of the Chuck E. Cheese's characters were almost muted. You could barely hear them sing their crappy cover songs. It was hilarious though that they had CEC TV and had music videos with the characters in costume - along with decade old ads for Hi-C, which ruled. The walls had awesome fake gold records for the bands, which were the best part of the dive children's restaurant. Atmosphere gets a C+ overall.
