Bloody-Disgusting's Best & Worst of 2007!!!
By: Mr. Disgusting
TOP 10 2006
TOP 10 2005
TOP 10 2004
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THEATRICAL
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MR. DISGUSTING (Brad Miska)
***Mr. Disgusting's Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2007***
10: BUG
Release Date: May 25, 2007
Lionsgate
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A paranoid, unhinged, war veteran who sees insects everywhere holes up with a lonely woman, who is hiding from her abusive ex-husband in a spooky Oklahoma motel room.
Final Thoughts: In the end BUG stops about one step short of becoming a David Cronenberg movie... It’s complete madness, insanity and disturbing. It’s a real shame that this tiny film was overlooked in the midst of big movie summer madness.
9: BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON
Release Date: March 16, 2007
Anchor Bay
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: The next great psycho horror slasher has given a documentary crew exclusive access to his life as he plans his reign of terror over the sleepy town of Glen Echo, all the while deconstructing the conventions and archetypes of the horror genre for them.
Final Thoughts: With it's ridiculous title and terrible marketing campaign the film didn't perform in its limited theatrical run, which is a shame considering how much fun the film is. Any horror fan will be laughing non-stop at the inside jokes developed just for their entertainment. The only drawback to the film was the soft ending, which easily could have been brutal to no end. It's a rarity having a film that gets the viewers inside the mind of the actual killer, and one that's so loveable. This is a delightful treat that pretty much any horror fan will enjoy.
8: GRINDHOUSE
Release Date: April 6, 2007
Dimension Films
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Grindhouse – noun – A downtown movie theater - in disrepair since its glory days as a movie palace of the '30s and '40s - known for "grinding out" non-stop double-bill programs of B-movies. From groundbreaking directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez comes the ultimate film experience: a double-bill of thrillers that will recall both filmmakers’ favorite exploitation films. “Grindhouse” will be presented as one full-length feature comprised of two individual films helmed separately by each director. Tarantino’s film, “Death Proof,” is a rip-roaring slasher flick where the killer pursues his victims with a car rather than a knife, while Rodriguez’s film explores an alien world eerily familiar to ours in “Planet Terror.” Welcome to the Grindhouse - it’ll tear you in two.
Final Thoughts: It's a real shame that GRINDHOUSE performed so poorly, although it's nice to see Tarantino and Rodriguez get a dose of reality. Although the films don't really have a good repeat value, the experience of seeing this in the theater with the faux trailer was more than epic. It was the experience of a lifetime... too bad you all missed it. Suckers.
7: ZODIAC
Release Date: March 2, 2007
Paramount Pictures
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Based on the true story of one of the most intriguing unsolved crimes in the nation's history, "Zodiac" is a thriller from David Fincher, director of "Se7en" and "Fight Club." As a serial killer terrifies the San Francisco Bay Area and taunts police with his ciphers and letters, investigators in four jurisdictions search for the murderer. The case will become an obsession for four men as their lives and careers are built and destroyed by the endless trail of clues.
Final Thoughts: Fincher’s vision is compelling, chilling, extremely intense, captivating and beautifully told – I feel ZODIAC might stand the test of time and become yet another classic from this acclaimed director... Fincher has come the closest to cracking the code than anyone else and I don’t expect a better Zodiac film to come along… ever. This is THE Zodiac movie. Come and beat it.
6: TRICK 'R TREAT
Release Date: TBD 2008
Warner Bros. Pictures
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband.
Final Thoughts: I'm still perplexed with Warner Bros. The film was slated for release on October 6 where not another single horror film was coming out. TRICK was coming out alone, with positive reviews from test screenings AND all of the web hype. TRICK feels like a real-world version of NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS with the beautiful set design. The interesting stories all intermingled into one was craftfully done leaving us all begging for more by the final credits.
5: THE MIST
Release Date: November 21, 2007
Dimension Films
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A freak storm unleashes a species of bloodthirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole-up in a supermarket and fight for their lives.
Final Thoughts: Perfect, except for the ending... THE MIST had it all - monsters, blood, guys, religious freaks, cults, spiders and more suspense than anything else this year. Another gem from Dimension Films.
4: ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE
Release Date: TBD 2008
Senator
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A group of high schoolers invite Mandy Lane (Amber Heard), a good girl who became quite hot over the summer, to a weekend party on a secluded ranch. While the festivities rage on, the number of revelers begins to drop quite mysteriously.
Final Thoughts: Still looking for a release in 2008, ALL THE BOYS feels like an edgy '90s horror film - think SCREAM only it's not a joke. It's hip, cool and uber violent... there's no holding back, which is why this is a gem. Too bad Dimension didn't know what to do with it, they have no idea what they lost.
3: FRONTIER(S)
Release Date: TBD 2008
After Dark Films
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: While an extreme right-wing candidate advances to the second ballot of the presidential election, a group of young armed robbers holes up in a backwoods inn. The inn is located in an old mining wasteland, and its managers are a particularly sordid lot (to wit, (neo-) Nazi cannibals).
Final Thoughts: I'm still super nervous about people seeing this as I personally LOVED it, but know for a fact many will hate it. FRONTIER(S) feels like a lot of other horror movie sequences meshed into one, but I found it constantly entertaining, violent, creepy and suspenseful. This is one of those movies you'll watch over and over again, which to me is the true stamp of approval from any horror fan.
2: [REC]
Release Date: October 2008
Sony Screen Gems
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: "REC" turns on a young TV reporter and her cameraman who cover the night shift at the local fire station. Receiving a call from an old lady trapped in her house, they reach her building to hear horrifying screams -- which begin a long nightmare and a uniquely dramatic TV report.
Final Thoughts: I was expecting yet another nosedive from Filmax, only REC is superb. It's probably the best voyeur film ever made and deserves to be remade more than any other film out there. It's a damn shame most of you won't get to see this in a theater because seeing it in a cinema really adds to the impact of this film. REC is another film that will stand the test of time and become a legend in your horror collection.
1: INSIDE
Release Date: March 4, 2008
Dimension Extreme
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Still grieving over her recently deceased boyfriend, a pregnant woman becomes haunted by a mysterious woman.
Final Thoughts: ...and then there's INSIDE. This French film is in a class of its own, probably one of the single greatest horror achievements of all time and definitely one of the greatest horror films you will ever see. The beginning of the film is one of the creepiest things you will ever witness eventually transforming into one of the most grotesque and bloody finales to ever grace your screen. INSIDE is a masterpiece of filmmaking, a film you will show to all of your friends and maybe even your parents (just to shock them). There's not a single person on this planet who will hate this movie, unless of course they're freaking insane.
Honorable Mentions:
Joshua (Fox Searchlight), Them (ILS) (Dark Sky Films), 30 Days of Night (Sony Screen Gems), Fido (Lionsgate), The Poughkeepsie Tapes (MGM)
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***Mr. Disgusting's Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2007***
10: STUCK
Release Date: TBD 2008
ThinkFilm
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Brandi (Mena Suvari) hits Tom (Stephen Rea) with her car on her way home from a night of partying. With Tom still alive but lodged through her windshield, she promises to go a hospital but then decides to leave Tom to die in her garage as she realizes that her future is inextricably tied to her victim. Realizing this plan, Tom knows escape is his only chance for survival.
Final Thoughts: I really had high hopes for this film considering I LOVE Stuart Gordon and am very much aware of the actual chilling story. Personally I thought the film was unintentionally racist, bland and thoughtless. It was such a disappointment that it almost made me cry.
9: WIND CHILL
Release Date: April 27, 2007
Columbia Pictures
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Christmas break. A young woman catches a ride home from a stranger she meets through a college ride board. Racing to beat a severe winter storm, the two young travelers take a shortcut down a remote country road, only to find themselves forced into a snow bank by a mysterious vehicle that engages them in a dangerous game of chicken. Over the long night that ensues, an intense relationship develops between the pair as they must brave the elements and confront the road’s sinister legacy that dates back to the terrible events that occurred there in the 1950s.
Final Thoughts: After I visited the set I knew something was "off". When the film only opened in two theaters it was pretty much confirmed... this movie was going to suck donkey balls. Eventually the film arrived on DVD and I felt obligated to watch it - it only took me three tries. Such a God-aweful, slow, boring piece of sh-t, WIND CHILL is probably the most unseless film ever assembled. And I thought THE FOG remake was bad.
8: SKINWALKERS
Release Date: August 10, 2007
After Dark Films
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Skinwalkers is about a 12-year-old boy who suddenly finds himself at the center of a battle between two warring groups of werewolves. One group of werewolves is sworn to protect him, the other group is trying to kill him -- and the young boy's mother has to find out why her son is at the center of the conflict before time runs out.
Final Thoughts: I was told this movie was bad well before release, and yet people at Lionsgate were swearing up and down it was good. I cannot begin to tell you how insulting this film was - and the fact that it was cut down to PG-13 was shocking! The only thing this movie had going for it was blood and sex - both removed. And the werewolf make-up, what the f-ck happened? Shoot this film with a silver bullet, it should be nothing but dust.
7: CAPTIVITY
Release Date: July 13, 2007
After Dark Films
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A man and a woman awaken to find themselves captured in a cellar. As their kidnapper drives them psychologically mad, the truth about their horrific abduction is revealed.
Final Thoughts: Another atrocity from After Dark Films. Apparently "torture films" were the new cool, but nobody told After Dark that there weren't any real torture films out there. SAW doesnt reallly count if you ask me. Anyways, this film was originally a piece of crap (I saw the Cannes cut) and then they added more blood and guts. Sure it made it more entertaining at times, but gore for the sake of gore is just stupid. Like why the f-ck do we have to watch people drink vomit and guts? Seriously.
6: UNEARTHED
Release Date: November 9, 2007
After Dark Films
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: After a sinister crash on the highway in a small New Mexican town, people start disappearing and animals and nature begin dying. The Sheriff (Vaugier) investigates, only to actually witness a killer creature and realizes that the creature is the reason for the disappearances and deaths. After surviving an attack, The Sheriff and others try to survive the creature and being killed.
Final Thoughts: I debated where to place this in my top 10 list, considering this film really gets under my skin. I cannot believe it cost nearly $3 million to make. UNEARTHED is like watching a Sci-Fi Channel original - stupid dialogue, terrible creature FX and a moronic plot make this one of the crappiest films I've ever seen that hit a theater. I'd rather watch GLITTER.
5: P2
Release Date: November 9, 2007
Summit Entertainment
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: The story centers on a corporate climber (Nichols) who gets stuck working late on Christmas Eve and finds herself the target of an unhinged security guard (Bentley). With no help in sight, the woman must overcome physical and psychological challenges to survive.
Final Thoughts: I had such high hopes for this one that I think it helped ruin my experience. Sometimes I think it wasn't "that bad", but then I stop and remember the scene in the elevator where Wes pretends to be a Hindu. P2 is so incredibly dull. P2 is garbage better suited for the dumpster located on P1. Even on DVD I wouldn’t recommend this mind-numbing and bland experience. Watching P2 is like eating a rice cake, it looks like food but it’s really just cardboard.
4: THE MESSENGERS
Release Date: February 2, 2007
Sony Pictures
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Written by Stuart Beattie (Collateral) from an original script by Todd Farmer (Jason X), "The Messengers" is a horror tale that follows the lives of a family moving into a run-down sunflower farm. As the farm begins to revive after years of disrepair, the family begins to notice uncomfortable and alarming changes in their father's behavior.
Final Thoughts: So forgettable I barely got through this movie as well. Just like WIND CHILL it took me three tries to finish the film and am shocked they're making a sequel. I should never be so bored that I'd rather watch Rachel Ray cooking on th Food Network.
3: CASE 39
Release Date: August 22, 2008
Paramount Pictures
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: "Case 39" centers on an idealistic social worker (Zellweger) who saves an abused 10-year-old girl from her parents only to discover that things are not as they appear.
Final Thoughts: I snuck into a test screening of this and usually I dont write reviews for these. But holy crap this has got to be one of the worst big budget horror films of all time. There is no focus, terrible acting, ridiculous trwists and worst of all 80 fake scares. Even with serious editing I'm quite sure this film will still be a hunk of dog stink.
2: TIMBER FALLS
Release Date: December 7, 2007
Slowhand Cinema Releasing
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A weekend of camping in the mountains becomes an excursion into hell for a young couple, who become pawns in a grotesque plot hatched by deranged locals.
Final Thoughts: Wow, all I can say is wow. It's really aggrivating when someone tries to release a DVD movie in theaters and convince us that it's worthy of a theatrical run. TIMBER FALLS might have been OK on DVD but seeing it in a theater will have you scratching your head and fleeing the scene of the crime sueing for a refund. The directing is well done but the screenplay is bland and the acting ridiculous. No thanks for ever and ever.
1: BLOOD & CHOCOLATE
Release Date: January 26, 2007
MGM
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: The story takes place in modern day Bucharest and tells the tale of nineteen-year-old Vivian Gandillon (Bruckner), who has spent her life on the run from the truth.... that she is a werewolf. When her affections for a visiting American artist threaten to expose her family's secret society, she must choose between her love for an outsider and betraying the secret vows of her family.
Final Thoughts: WHAT THE HELL DID I SEE? I kept looking around the theater to see if anyone else was as bored as I was. When it was over all of my friends said the same thing, "I would have left if you had asked..." I was so pissed that I sat through this crap. B&C carries some of the lamest FX, dialogue and acting ever to grace the big screen. Here's what I wrote in my review this past January, "In short, there is absolutely nothing remotely interesting or original in this forced adaptation. BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE just don’t mix well, it left a terrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t rinse out. Avoid at all costs, this could easily be the single worst horror film of 2007 – and we just started the New Year (sigh)."
Horrible Mentions: The Tattooist (Ghost House), Nightmare Man (After Dark Films), Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror (Xenon), The Reaping (Warner Bros.), The Hills Have Eyes 2 (Fox Atomic)
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HOME VIDEO/DVD
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TEX MASSACRE (Tim Anderson)
***Tex Massacre's Top 10 DVDs Movies of 2007***
At the time of this writing, I’ve covered 78 films for Bloody-Disgusting in 2007. This best and worst list is culled from the overabundance of mediocrity that besieged my DVD player for the past 12 months.
10: SILK
Release Date: June 12, 2007
Tartan
Review
Synopsis: When a Canadian research photographer is killed, leaving behind a photo of a boy in an otherwise empty room, paranormal investigative scientist, Hashimoto, and his team investigate the scene. Armed with a newly invented material they capture the ghost: an unidentified 13-year old boy. Who is this ghost? Why does it kill people? As they seal off the room and monitor the captured spirit, they soon learn that even though it’s energy can be visibly seen, humans are unable to hear it. In an effort to learn the ghost’s past, Hashimoto’s team enlists the help of special agent Ye, gifted with extraordinary eyesight and ability to lip-read. As Ye gets closer to solving the riddle of the boy’s past, he learns the horrifying truth of the boy’s death. Fearing that the ghost child is dangerous, the team decides to isolate the ghost but in doing so they unknowingly unleash a mysterious force, a much more powerful and ferocious energy to which the boy somehow seems connected.
Final Thoughts: Speaking of J-Horror, Silk is proof positive that the blue-hued, raven-haired specters are far from passé. Sure most of what comes from the East is repetitive and derivative but have you looked at the American Multiplexes lately? Silk manages to weave a fairly complex mythology into an accessible and entertaining film while still offering a few surprises and a breadth of believable performances inside a hyper-realistic setting. It’s ambitious and simple at the same time. A very well crafted film.
9: UNREST
Release Date: March 27, 2007
Lionsgate
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: After a brutal death in the gross anatomy lab, first year medical student Alison Blanchard must discover the truth behind her mysterious cadaver - whose spirit she's certain is in a state of unrest. When her lab partners start dying one-by-one, Alison must face her own mortality before it's too late.
Final Thoughts: The 2006 After Dark Horrorfest didn’t have too many shining moments but Unrest stood far ahead of the pack. Directed by former Medical Resident Jason Todd Ipson, this spooky tale of Gross Anatomy class gone wrong, layers on the Atmosphere and pushes the boundaries of effects realism in probably the best ghost story this side of the Pacific.
8: THE BURNING
Release Date: November 30, 1980
MGM/Fox
Review
Synopsis: A former summer camp caretaker, horribly burned from a prank gone wrong, lurks around an upstate New York summer camp bent on killing the teenagers responsible for his disfigurement.
Final Thoughts: The Burning capped off a year where some of the great, unsung genre films finally made their way to DVD (Scarecrows, El Topo, Bava Box Sets). This 1981 feature—the debut film from the fledgling Miramax label—is a whose who of future television and movie stars. But, its status as one of the original killer camp films, and some impressive Tom Savini effects work really make it a must have for all.
7: THE SEVERED HEAD NETWORK
Release Date: August 14, 2007
Elite Entertainment
Review
Synopsis: This compilation contains short films from America's most controversial cult filmmakers. FAITH IN NOTHING is a fever-dream of eroticism and haunting beauty. VOMIRE is a sucker-punch of expressionistic imagery about angels, sex, and meat. SATISFACTION explores the intense relationship between an abused woman and her one-night-stand. Eight daring, unique, and bizarre shorts in all.
Final Thoughts: Actually a re-release of two previously available short film packages, this collection of experimental films by the crew at Wicked Pixel Cinema (Savage Harvest) offers an uneven, but often brilliant, look at the future of microbudget filmmaking. This one makes the grade for the DVD menu alone!
6: BLACK SHEEP
Release Date: June 22, 2007
Dimension Extreme
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: An experiment in genetic engineering turns harmless sheep into blood-thirsty killers that terrorize a rural town in New Zealand.
Final Thoughts: There must be something in the water down in New Zealand that makes those crazy Kiwis keep churning out this extreme-slapstick-gore. Director Jonathan King serves us his equivalent of “2000 Mutton Maniacs” in this flocking good time.
5: SPIDER BABY
Release Date: November 30, 1963
Dark Sky
Review
Synopsis: New Dark Sky release now on DVD: This highly influential cult classic from writer-director Jack Hill (Switchblade Sisters, Foxy Brown) tells the demented and darkly comic tale of the Merrye children -- Elizabeth (Beverly Washburn), Virginia (Jill Banner) and Ralph (Sid Haig)-- all of whom suffer from a rare genetic malady that causes its victims to mentally regress to a condition of "pre-human savagery and cannibalism." The children live in the old family mansion, and though under the cautious guardianship of chauffeur Bruno (Lon Chaney Jr.), they manage to terrorize anyone or anything that passes through the gates. So when the family is visited by a pair of distant relatives and their greedy lawyer, a wild night of murderous thrills ensues.
Final Thoughts: Jack Hill’s little seen—and much influential—cult classic finally gets some love with a full blown DVD release that demands to be in the home of any so-called-cult-horror fan. Sid Haig is fascinating and Lon Chaney Jr. is touching but it’s the late Jill Banner’s performance as Virginia that truly makes this “The Maddest Story Ever Told”
4: DRIFTWOOD
Release Date: November 13, 2007
Image Entertainment
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Riddled with guilt over the loss of his rock star older brother, 16 year old David Forrester (Ricky Ullman) becomes obsessed with death, leading his misguided parents to send him to Driftwood, an "Attitude Adjustment Camp for Troubled Youths" run by the sadistic Captain Doug Kennedy (Diamond Dallas Page) and his brutal young henchman, Yates (Talan Torriero). Once there, David becomes haunted by the spirit of Jonathan (Connor Ross), a former inmate who met a mysterious end; a mystery whose resolution could very well be David's only way out.
Final Thoughts: Tim Sullivan’s 2001 Maniacs graced my Bloody-Disgusting list back in 2005. This year, Driftwood makes the list for a wholly different reason. Sullivan totally abandons the furious hilarity of “Maniacs” for a personal and profoundly melodramatic follow-up. It might not be perfect in every detail, but it stands next to “Maniacs” as a testament to its creator’s broad vision of horror.
3: BLOOD CAR
Release Date: November 6, 2007
TLA Releasing
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A kindergarten teacher invents a car that runs on human blood to combat high gas prices in BLOOD CAR, a horror/comedy from first time director Alex Orr. In the first feature film from Fake Wood Wallpaper Films, narrative conventions and predictable, by-the-book plotlines are left behind in favor of an absurdist look at a future in which no one drives due to $40-a-gallon gasoline prices. Both a satire on our voracious habit for oil as well as a cleverly structured horror film, BLOOD CAR will make you cringe and laugh at the same time.
Final Thoughts: Proving once again that you need neither wild-eyed originality, nor an epic Hollywood budget to make a great film, Atlanta-based filmmaker Alex Orr’s debut feature combines the best aspects of Roger Corman and John Waters to exact a vicious satire on rising gas prices.
2: ROMAN
Release Date: March 27, 2007
Echo Bridge
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: Tormented by his co-workers and trapped in a life of tedium, Roman's one pleasure is his obsession with the elusive beauty next door (Kristen Bell, Pulse, Fifty Pills). When a chance encounter goes horribly wrong, a moment of frenzied desperation triggers a chilling turn of events. As he teeters between deranged fantasy and cold reality, Roman's struggle to hide his grisly secret is further complicated by an eccentric neighbor (Nectar Rose, Serenity), who forces herself into his dark and tortured world. Lucky McKee stars in this menacing follow-up to his 2002 cult hit, May.
Final Thoughts: The dynamic duo of Lucky McKee and Angela Bettis swap roles in front of and behind the lens in this companion piece to McKee’s masterpiece May. McKee turns in a heartbreaking performance and Bettis fills the screen with surrealistic imagery and sullen despair.
1: BUG
Release Date: May 25, 2007
Lionsgate
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: A paranoid, unhinged, war veteran who sees insects everywhere holes up with a lonely woman, who is hiding from her abusive ex-husband in a spooky Oklahoma motel room.
Final Thoughts: Director William Friedkin finally escapes the studio-polished turds he’s been churning out for the past 20-years and gets back to the kind of intimate 70’s genre film that made him an Academy Award winner in the first place. Easily the best film of the year and possibly the best film Friedkin’s ever made (including The Exorcist).
Coming Soon Honorable Mentions – or – watch out for 2008:
Grimm Love, Ils (Them), The Rage and All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
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***Tex Massacre's Worst DVDs of 2007***
5: BORDERLINE CULT
Release Date: August 21, 2007
Lionsgate
Review
Synopsis: After three ruthless serial killers team up in the Mexican border town of Juarez, hundreds of women are abducted, tortured and murdered in this grisly new thriller from famed horror master Ulli Lommel.
Final Thoughts: It wouldn’t be “TEX MASSACRE’S WORST LIST” if I didn’t give my annual shout out to the king of crap—Ulli Lommel. Keep ‘em coming brother!
4: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3-D
Release Date: October 9, 2007
Lionsgate
Review
Synopsis: In the original a group of people hide from bloodthirsty zombies in a farmhouse.
Final Thoughts: It’s just a bad year all around for zombie film fans…and with A Dead Calling, Dead Man’s Hand and Rob Zombie’s Halloween...it’s also a pretty under-whelming year for Sid Haig fans.
3: DAWN OF THE LIVING DEAD
Release Date: August 7, 2007
Hannover House
Review
Synopsis: In the tradition of Night of the Living Dead and the zombie-classics comes an all new twist on undead terror. When a young couple inherits ownership to an abandoned California property, they decide to make it the home of their dreams. Little do they know, but fate has delivered them a nightmare, in the form of an army of undead zombies. Their dream house sets atop an ancient burial ground, cursed by an evil Mayan ritual killing. Now, with fresh meat nearby, the undead emerge to feast on the living and deliver their zombie carnage. The fate of the world is in the hands of our two, terrified homeowners, who must find a way to stop the undead before it s too late!
Final Thoughts: Just when you thought any asshole with a 3-Chip DV camera could make a zombie film, Director David Heavener shows us that sometimes it takes actual Film Stock to make an unwatchable zombie film too. Congrats on wasting the cash Dave!
2: RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: RAVE TO THE GRAVE
Release Date: March 20, 2007
Lionsgate
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: RAVE TO THE GRAVE has Garrison’s nephew finding two secreted barrels of the chemical and manufacturing from it an Ecstasy-type drug that turns Halloween partygoers into crazed ghouls.
Final Thoughts: All the Trioxin in the world couldn’t resuscitate this fallen franchise!
1: ZOMBIES GONE WILD
Release Date: April 3, 2007
Westlake Entertainment
Review/Trailer
Synopsis: In ZOMBIES GONE WILD, three guys, Marty, Randy, and Leroy go on a spring break road trip in the hopes of becoming men and finding the year's crop of spring break hotties. They get a hell of a lot more than they bargained for when the girls of their dreams become their worst nightmare. The trio ends up wishing that they were only in hell as they go on the ride of their lives! At times, startling funny and others, downright frightening, ZOMBIES GONE WILD will have the guys wishing they never went looking for some action. All they wanted was to score! They didnt expect to get eaten too!
Final Thoughts: The best thing about this DIY Zombie flick was the bottle of Hot Sauce that the filmmakers included with the screener. Zombies Gone Wild miraculously takes the dishonorable distinction of unseating S.I.C.K. as the worst horror film I’ve ever seen!
HORRIBLE MENTIONS (The rest of the worst):
Dark Corners, Dead Mary, Penny Dreadful and Masters of Horror Season 2.
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***TOP POSTERS***
SWEENEY TODD, this poster screams Tim Burton. It's artistic, and yet lacks color, which draws your eye. The fat that the only color is red screams for your attention. Johnny Depp sits dead center holding a blade and sitting in a very gothic dominating position. You get the idea and know exactly what you're in for (sans singing); FRONTIER(S), this poster has "French horror" written all over it. The dirty yellow colors help bring out the solid blood-red from her eye. Based on the image, the main character is a strong female lead who has just toughed through one hell of a battle; HOSTEL: PART 2, although this poster says absolutley nothing about the film, it's eye-catching, beautiful and yet completely twisted. This is one of the most stunning posters ever released, and the fact that there's an animated version floating around the web is all the cooler; SKINWALKERS, the poster screams one thing and one thing only... werewolves. The image is crisp, clear and stands out wherever it's placed; HILLS HAVE EYES 2, the MPAA flipped when they saw this poster and I don't see why. Everything about this image tells you about the film and what you're about to see. Mutants are going to catch some teens and drag them to their deaths. The gritty color scheme is very foreign, which might have been a flaw in marketing the film, but it's a stunning poster nonetheless; TIMBERFALLS, just a simple and wonderfully stylized design. The slanted wording grabs your immediate attention and the the use of blue is well done, it helps bring out the lead in white. The poster is telling of the plot and give you everything you need to know. It's too bad they never were seen in theaters; VACANCY, this is probably one of my all-time favorite posters. It's clever, catchy and quite breathtaking. The colors are all dark and rustic, which help bring out the glow of the neon sign, which screams the title. A+; GRINDHOUSE, nuff said. Grabs the feel of a real grindhouse film.
 
 
 
 
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***WORST POSTERS***
ALIENS VS PREDATOR: REQUEIM, this one sheet looks like a medallion or a collector's coin or something. This is probably one of the most retarded images I've ever seen in a theater. It doesnt grab my attention or tell me anything about the movie other than I might get a free collectible at the theater, which I won't; AWAKE, even though we kind of get the idea of what the film is about, it cracks me up that the studio thinks that both Hayden and Alba are that big of names that by sticking their floating heads on a poster people will come see it. Look at Lionsgate's posters for THE EYE, they didn't do that; BLOOD & CHOCOLATE, another version of a floating heads poster, only this one is through her reflection where she's a scary creature. The poster uses bland colors and nothing stands out, it's a just looks like the vomit in my toilet after along night of drinking; BUG, not only are the quotes misrepresentational, but the poster is a rare Lionsgate dud. It's bland, all the blue washes out anything prominant and the poster tells us nothing about the film; DISTURBIA, as simple as crappy, ugly artwork; FIDO, I've never seen such a quote-heavy poster. It looks desperate and the image looks like a cheap t-shirt from Rotten Cotten; HALLOWEEN, yikes, too many images, too much going on and nothing stands out. You can barely even make out what the mask is in the background; HOSTEL: PART II, two interesting posters meshed into one? Interesting concept, but it didn't work. It looks like a cheap Photoshop job; I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, what the F-CK am I looking at? So I'm supposed to want to see this movie because a blue flower has two faces on it? Easily a top 10 worst posters of all time.
  
  
  
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OTHER NOTABLE GENRE AWARDS
Mr. Disgusting's List
Has Crispin Glover really come to this? SIMON SAYS (Yikes!)
What the hell? Somebody release this film already! THE CHAIR (Brett Sullivan's follow-up to Ginger Snaps 2)
Best film festival of the year: Toronto International
Grab a Red Bull and enjoy: TRIGGER MAN
The opening is better than the entire movie: FALLEN ANGELS (A demon climbs up and into Adrianne Curry)
Worst B-movie cast: FALLEN ANGELS (Michael Dorn, Bill Moseley, Adrianne Curry, Kane Hodder, Christie Hemme, Michael Berryman, David Hess, Kevin McCarthy, Reggie Bannister, and R.A. Mihailoff)
Worst use of a penis: HEADER (screwing someone's head)
Such an amazing movie I can't believe it sucked: WE ARE THE STRANGE (coolest home-made film ever)
Worst interpretation of werewolf culture: BLOOD & CHOCOLATE
Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be: GHOST RIDER
Way overrated: THE HOST - get over it people
Most underrated: BEHIND THE MASK from Anchor Bay
Best use of a bicycle: BLOOD TRAILS throat slash scene
Congrats on a miserable year and plenty of bombs: Fox Atomic (HILLS HAVE EYES 2, 28 WEEKS LATER, TURISTAS)
Best film direct to video: SHUTTER (from Tartan)
Hit or miss company: Tartan
Worst use of the biblical plagues: THE REAPING
Blame yourselves: GRINDHOUSE
Best horror movies for kids: DISTURBIA
Did you know? Spielberg really directed the end of DISTURBIA!
Worst set visit EVER: WIND CHILL (we saw a car... and trees... and fake snow)
I couldnt even finish it: WIND CHILL
Worst company on the planet: Taurus
Thanks for nothing: CREEPSHOW 3
Best use of a rocket launcher: SEVERANCE
Made me take a shower: BUG
Old people, I can smell you in the theater: MR. BROOKS
Countess Bathory was that damn cool: HOSTEL: PART II (Heather Matarazzo strung upside down)
Deserved a bigger release: FIDO, Lionsgate
Remind me never to have kids: JOSHUA
Will they ever release a good movie? After Dark Films
Yes, maybe they will! FRONTIER(S)
Where the hell are you? FRONTIER(S)
Goriest films of the year: FRONTIER(S), INSIDE
Beautiful movie, destroyed by the Lohan: I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Worst werewolves: BLOOD & CHOCOLATE, SKINWALKERS
Welcome to the US! French cinema brings us FRONTIER(S), INSIDE, ILS, EDEN LOG and more!
A dose of reality: RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR
Biggest disappointment, period: HALLOWEEN
Worst use of music: Love Hurts in HALLOWEEN
Best casting: Daeg Faerch as young Michael Myers
Best remake announcement: HELLRAISER
Finally you can all see it: HATCHET
Best use of guns: SHOOT 'EM UP
What, you didn't make my worst films list? Uwe Boll
Most improved director: Uwe Boll
Still, why can't I have your money? Uwe Boll
Still dying to see is: LAST WINTER
FINALLY on DVD: REEKER
Best vampire film in ages: 30 DAYS OF NIGHT
Wait, After Dark released this? I loved it! WRISTCUTTERS
Please tell me you didn't waste your money: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3D
We're havign a party, let's murder! MURDER PARTY
Excited for: Magnet Releasing's latest films
Worst title: P2
Looking forward to: P1
Worst marketing campaign: After Dark Horrorfest, P2
You actually hit theaters? How? TIMBER FALLS
Most overrated: SWEENEY TODD
Worst studio move: TRICK 'R TREAT being bumped out of October 6 slot, which would have opened ALONE.
Movie I'm most looking forward to: Repo! The Genetic Opera
Biggest drop in (fan) stock: Lionsgate - disappointing year of releases
Looking good for 2008: Magnolia Pictures/Magnet Releasing (SIGNAL, EDEN LOG, TIMECRIMES)
Tex Massacre's List
Trends That Need To End: Casting ex-Buffy: The Vampire Slayer stars in bad horror films (The Thirst, Voodoo Moon, Unholy, Shadow Puppets and The Return)
Lest Revealing Film Role: Lindsey Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me (I can see more tit in US Weekly)
World Worst Marketing Team: After Dark Horrorfest 2 (I don’t expect we’ll see a third installment)
Further Proof We Get What We Deserve: The Reaping grosses $100,000 more than Grindhouse!
Not Playing at a Theater Near You: Hatchet
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